||We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters
||Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result.
||Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word.
||Provide a caption for any of these pictures.
||These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they?
||3 H |
||Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos.
||Send Us the Bill
||Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together.
||Top of the Staake
||So get your thoughts provoked for No. Umpteen of our cartoon caption contest.
||Location, Location, Location
||Say how you know you're in a particular place.
||Combine any two sports or nonathletic activities into a single sport or game.
||Can You Up Chuck?
||Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal.
||Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons.
||Know Your Market
||For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News.
||The Hard Spell
||Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee.
||H H |
||Another Time Around the Track
||Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal.
||We Beg You To Differ
||Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar.
||Haven't Got a Clue
||Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words.
||What Were They Thinking?
||Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A.
||Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word.
||Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons.
||3 W |
||A Test of Character
||Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar.
||2 H |
||Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion.
||H M |
||Worth at Least a Dozen Words
||Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption.
||It's Post Time
||Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined.
||Hyphen the Terrible
||Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound.
||Tour de Fours II
||Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order.
||H H H |
||Contest Fodder Created!
||Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events.
||Take a Letter -- Again
||Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word.
||H H |
||Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital.
||History Loves Company
||Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story.
||Take This, Job, and …
||Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally.
||We Got Gamy
||Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself.
||Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!)
||Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it.
||H H |
||Gadget If You Can
||Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are.
||A Running Gag
||Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign.
||H H |
||Redefine any word from the dictionary.
||H H |
||Who are these people? What are they doing?
||A Word From Our Co-Sponsors
||Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors.
||Inspect Our Gadgets
||What are these gadgets? What do they do?
||Punch Us Again
||Take any comic from the daily Washington Post during the next week and make it better by changing the contents of the final word balloon.
||A Bad-Ask Contest
||You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers.
||What is going on in these cartoons?
||Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective.
||The New-Name Offense
||Propose changes for the names of places and things that need it, either because there is something wrong with their name, or because another name would be so much more descriptive.
||Complete any of the provided jokes.
||Come up with a new punctuation mark. Tell us what it looks like, and what it is used for, and use it in a sentence.
||Tell us what is missing in each of the provided cartoons.
||What do these devices do?
||GIVE US NO MO
||Write an updated version of those old children's selecting rhymes. Your rhyme must (1) rhyme and (2) conform, at least loosely, to a point-and-shoot cadence that permits the elimination of one item from a group.
||PALINODE--HAVE PUN, WILL TRAVEL
||Write a "palinode", retracting something said in an earlier poem. Your poem must be four lines long and contain at least one rhyme.
||WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I?
||Take the names of this year's Triple Crown nominees, mate any two of them, a propose a name for the foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 characters, including spaces.
||THE CONCEPT CONCEPT
||Come up with a situation for a "People Unclear on the Concept" cartoon. Describe the situation and supply any necessary dialogue.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions?
||WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II
||Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome.
||IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN.
||Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it.
||2 H H |
||IT'S A PITY
||Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is.
||VERSE THAN EVER
||Write a rhyming poem of two to eight lines as a tribute to someone famous who died in 1997, the more awful the better. We will particularly value rhymes that thud, and extremes of emotion and sentiment.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||Complete some variation of the expression "An A without a B is like a C without a D."
||TIED TO BE FIT
||Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections.
||Make David Twenhafel laugh. Any sort of delightful drollery or amusing witticism will do, so long as it is not the sort of lowbrow fare we usually favor.
||CAN YOU STOP THIS?
||Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room.
||THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE
||Why are these people smiling?
||H W |
||LICENSE TO CARRY A PUN
||Come up with original jokes like those provided.
||SEEKING WISE GUYS
||Come up with cool new bad-guy terms.
||Which item in each series does not belong? Explain your answer.
||Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign.