607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H H
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----. H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H
513 It's Delete We Can Do Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen. H H
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H 2
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. H
505 The Rule of Dumb You are given $1 million. Conditions: (1) You must spend it all. (2) You must use it in a way that neither directly nor indirectly works to your financial benefit. (3) You may not use it to alleviate the suffering of anyone on Earth, or for any public-spirited project other than the joy of stupidity. H H
492 Cheap Tricks Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times. H H
490 Eyes on Reprise Submit any good entries you might have thought of, for any previous contest, after the deadline passed. H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. W
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. 1
445 Another Round of Bierce Add a few entries to Ambrose Bierce's famous "Devil's Dictionary. 1
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H 3
439 No Can Do Write signs of incompetence. H H H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. H
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
318 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? H
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
303 BOOM TIMES Come up with old and new concerns for the baby boom generation. H 2
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. 1
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H H
295 PANEL DISCUSSION Supply the contents of the missing panel in the provided cartoon strips. H H
294 PRODUCT LIARBILITY Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it. H
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. H H
289 PLAY IT AGAIN, SHAM Submit entries to any previous contest, ideas you might have thought of after the contest deadline had passed. H H H H
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H 4
283 UH-OH Come up with "uh-oh" lines, statements that occur in the middle of a seemingly benign speech or conversation, suddenly alerting the listener that he is about to hear some bad news. H H H H H
281 CALCULATE THE ODDS Tell us which of the two provided items does not belong with the other two, and why. H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. H
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. H H
273 UNSEENS WE'D LIKE TO SEE Provide examples of any of the provided categories of things that will never happen. H H 2
272 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
271 YOGI BEARER Come up with new Yogi-isms, which seem to make sense, but collapse like a soufflé when you poke it a little H H H
269 SIGNS, AND THE TIMES Come up with new, helpful signage for downtown streets. You must state the problem, and propose the sign to rectify it. 4
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. H H H H H
262 CAMPAIGN FOR ONE Design a line for Niels Hoven to deliver in his campaign for a student government office that will wake up a snoozing audience. H H H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. H
260 IT'S A SNAP Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over. H
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. H 5
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. H
254 DOUBLE JEOPARDY! Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and make up a question to which it could be a plausible answer. 2
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if . . . W
245 LIKE FUN Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences. H
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. H H
242 SACRED COW PIES Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided. H H H 1
241 CAN YOU BEAT THIS? Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another. H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. 1
238 CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard. H H H
231 GIVING QUARTER Suggest a motto for the "tails" side of any of the state-themed quarters. W H H
228 MAKE MY DAY Supply advice to today's spoiled kids about how bad things were when we were growing up. W H
227 WILD PITCHES Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created to represent it. H
225 WE RESPECTfully decline to publish any dumb entries by YOU. Come up with signs for a T-shirt or a bumper sticker that hide the real message in tiny type. H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H H 2
220 RSVP Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. 1
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. H
215 SON OF A PITCH Write lavish blurbs in 50 words or fewer so some sucker will want to pay a lot of money for the provided items. H
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars. H 4
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. H
208 SEND IN THE CLONES Suggest questions a commission to investigate the moral, legal and practical question raised by cloning might consider. H
205 SOME PIG Beg for the prize: convince us why you, and you alone, deserve to get it. 1
202 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Interpret any of the provided computer emoticons, or "smileys. 3