PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR BRIAN BARRETT
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- I: Idea for Contest.
||Tell Us a Fib
||Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme.
||It's Post Time
||Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined.
||H H H |
||The Post's Mortems
||Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005.
||Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.)
||Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject.
||What's going on in any of these cartoons?
||H H |
||Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters.
||H H |
||Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital.
||Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year.
||Life Is Snort
||Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short."
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||Come with a passage in a novel that ineptly describes hanky-panky.
||Take any product and explain how it would be different if it were designed by a different existing company.
||2 H H |
||Create a new homonym of any existing word, and define. The new word must be spelled in such a way that is obviously pronounced identically to the original word.
||Do You Mindset?
||Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020.
||H H |
||A Load of Bulwer
||Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel.
||H W |
||Hyphen the Terrible
||Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed.
||Come up with a new curse for this millennium.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]