PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR MARTIN BANCROFT

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1322 Back to the drawing board Come up with an idea for an invention that still needs a bug ironed out. H
1321 Pumping Prime: Amazon reviews Send us a humorous "review" (like the provided samples from our earlier contests) for any of the provided items. H
1204 Well, at least … Note some good news for the coming year to comfort -- or "comfort" -- those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. H
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1075 Falsity is Job One Send us some fictoids about cars and trucks and driving and stuff. 2
1046 Derive us crazy Offer a bogus but funny explanation of how a particular expression originated. H
1044 Play it safe Come up with a comically safety-conscious rule for the workplace or elsewhere. H
1037 Outrage us Find something offensive about an inoffensive name of a product, organization, place, etc. H
1018 Reologisms Write a clever, funny definition for any of the Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. H
988 A faster break Suggest ways to make sports and other leisure activities more time-efficient or exciting. W
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. H
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. 3
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. H
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H
968 Take us for grants Come up with a proposal to the National Science Foundation or other research-funding organization for a study based on a stupid hypothesis. 2
964 The Grossery Bag? Suggest a design and/or slogan to go on the side of the ardently desired Style Invitational Loser Bag. H
958 All's Weller Write a "wellerism," a sentence that starts with a quote, often a short proverb, and goes on to include some sort of wordplay on something in the quote. H
954 Bring on the 'fight' jokes Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.” H
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. H
906 Your mug here Give us a new design for the Loser Mug. H
868 Count the ways Give us some musings of a technical wonk. H H
867 Back in the saddle Breed any two of the foals in today's results -- OR one foal with one of the actual horses used in today's entries, and name the grandfoal. H
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. L
856 Titled Puerility Here are some untitled book covers. For any of them, tell us a title and synopsis of a book that will never be published. H
832 Clue Us In You supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. H
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. H
820 Be Mister Language Person Supply a Mister Language Person-type question and answer. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H
809 Unkindest Cutlines Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos. 3
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. 3 H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. 4 H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H
735 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731. H
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H H
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. H H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H H H H
717 Pitch Us a No-Hitter Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits. H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. 1 H H
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. H
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. T
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
690 Funnies: How Time Flies Pull Billy of "The Family Circus" -- or any of his comic strip neighbors in The Washington Post -- out of his time warp to a different age, era or place, and provide a short storyline or dialogue or caption. H W
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. M
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rules. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. H H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. H
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. 3
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. H
615 Airy Persiflage Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement. H
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
597 Eccchsibits Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]