PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DAVID BALLARD

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1316 Lies, damn lies, with statistics Tell us some bogus trivia using "statistics" or some bogus quantitative meaure. H
1315 Clue us in -- our reverse crossword Supply clever, funny clues for as many as 25 of the 74 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1308 Picture this -- or these This week you have two choices: (1) Write a caption for one or more of these pictures, or (2) explain what is wrong with the picture. You might also combine two pictures into one -- or all four into one. H
1266 The Tile Invitational V Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the sets and define it. H
1232 Picture this -- a caption contest Write a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1226 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 61 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents names. H L
1224 We beg you to differ Explain how any two (or more) items in the provided list are the same or different, or otherwise connected. 2
1203 You've got the powers Tell us what you would do if you had one or more of the six magical powers provided. H
1201 Tour de Fours XIII: What's there to NOVE? Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block N-O-V-E. H
1191 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle H
1184 Plan C -- a third candidate? Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. H
1183 C'mon, be honest with us Write something in roughly the form "If X were more honest, (then) Y." H H
1152 Oops? You do it again. Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1098 through Week 1148, except for Week 1101, last year's do-over. H
1140 You're giving us a bad name Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note its original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for. H
1101 The year in redo Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1047 through Week 1097, except for Week 1050. H
1072 The Tile Invitational Come up with a 5-, 6-, or 7-letter term by scrambling any of the given seven-letter ScrabbleGram sets, and define it. 2 H
1068 An iffy proposition Suggest some humorous action that you would take if you were in someone's position, more or less in the form "If I were _____ my first act would be _____." L
1063 Same difference Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different. H
1052 Clue us in Come up with up to 25 creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms that appear in the provided grid. H
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H
999 Drectrospective Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 946 through Week 995, except for Week 948. H H
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. H
990 Indecent relations Pair two people, real or fictional, who have the same last name; say how they're alike or different, or something they might do (even in fantasy), as a pair. H
988 A faster break Suggest ways to make sports and other leisure activities more time-efficient or exciting. H
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. H
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. H
975 Gone mything Debunk a "Sixth Myth" about one of more of the recent "5 Myths" topics provided. H
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. H
967 Overlap dance II Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result. H H
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" whose name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. 2
960 Raving reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
956 Give us some bad ideas Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases. H
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H
947 Tour de Fours VIII: Neologisms Come up with a new word or two-word term that includes the letter block N-O-E-L, in any order but with no other letters between them, and define it. H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. H
937 Staake it to him Write a caption for any of the five pages or details pictured from some of Bob's more than 50 picture books. H
934 Same difference Explain how any two items in the provided list are similar or different. H
927 Drive-By Shoutings Write a very short four-line “poem” promoting a product or company, or offering advice to drivers; the poem must rhyme, in ABAB or ABCB rhyme scheme. A fifth, non-rhyming line may state the product name or a conclusion. 2
919 Good Luck With 13 Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result. W

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]