PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JANE AUERBACH

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1300 Botch office sensations Add "13" to an existing movie title, and some humorous trouble to the plot. H
1223 Post again out to mislead public! Write a humorously sensationalistic, misleading headline on an otherwise mundane article or ad published in The Post or elsewhere from April 13 to April 24. H
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H H
1184 Plan C -- a third candidate? Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. H
1174 Colt following -- It's time for the grandfoals "Breed" any two of the 57 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names. H H
1140 You're giving us a bad name Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note it original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for. 3
1093 You're only as rich as you fee What are some really bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks? H
1008 Switched reels Re-arrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work. H
882 Limerixicon VII Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters dr-. H
861 It's incumbent upon us Combine the names of two or more freshman members of Congressman to create "joint legislation." This week's pool of legislators includes only those who were elected to their seats before 1994, the first year we ran the freshman contest. H
846 Season's gratings Write a brief (50 words or fewer) holiday letter from a personage from past or present, or from fiction. I
829 Limerixicon 6 Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters di-. H
827 Caller Idiot Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person. 3 H
826 The Inside Word Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks, and redefine the word. H H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H I
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
755 Take Another 'Whack Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces exactly one Web page on the Google search engine and describe the phrase. 4 H H
726 Limerixicon 4 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. H
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. 3 H
710 Aw, Shoot Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring kitchen utensils and/or small household tools. H H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H
682 Punkin'd! Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring one or more pumpkins and/or other vegetables. H H H H W
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. R
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H
657 Nuts Fruit Send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of fruit. 1 H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H W
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply to result. H
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. H
617 Best the Best Write something about any famous personage that uses only the letters in his or her name. H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H
606 The News Could be Verse Translate the fine prose of Washington Post articles into verse. Choose any article appearing in The Post of on its Web site from April 17 through April 25. H
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H H
593 Take This, Job, and Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. H
589 Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!) Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it. H
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. H
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. H
582 Perversery Rhymes Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. 3
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passage, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H H
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H H
566 Get Whack Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result. H H
565 Anthem Is as Anthem Does Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune. H
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. 3 H H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H H H H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant Neopets.com site. H W
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. H
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. I L T
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. H H
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any of readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. H
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. 2
537 The New York Post Liven up any article appearing in The Washington Post or its Web site over the next eight days by giving it an irresponsibly sensationalistic headline. 3 H L
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. H H
521 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word in today's Washington Post (or Tuesday's USA Today) and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and define the new word it produces. W

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]