PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR GREG ARNOLD

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1165 B all you can B Change a word, phrase or name by adding one or more B's, and/or by replacing one or more letters with B's, and define your new term. H
1111 When you riff upon a store Use a wordplay on a song title as a name or slogan for a real or imagined business. H
1077 Time marches Swiftly Give us a novel Tom Swifty, playing on either an adverb or a verb (e.g., "We care about the little people, the BP chairman gushed"). H W
1060 Picture this Write a caption, or captions, for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1056 Weather or nuts Coin a term relating to the weather, climate, etc. -- either literal or figurative -- and define it. H
1031 The 'Sty'le Invitational Choose any word, name, or short term; emphasize a key, suddenly pertinent part of it with quotation marks; then redefine the word. H
1024 Gorey thoughts Send us some edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. The pairs are AB, CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OP, QR, ST, UV, WX, and YZ. H
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. H
851 Going to the shrink Downsize the title of a book, movie or play to make it smaller or less momentous and describe it. 3
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H
627 Per-Verse Write a limerick or other short poem with comically awful rhyming. H
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor in any of the provided genres. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. 4 H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession, to form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H
503 Doody and Muldoon Write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. H
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. H
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. 3
424 Osama Chanted Evening Write poems about Osama bin Laden. H
418 Xtreme Invitational Come up with signs you are overdoing it any in any of the provided categories. I
412 Painful Climaxes Come up with statements that start really dramatically, but leave you sorta flat at the end. H
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. H
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. H
393 Things Could Be Verse Take any story in today's Washington Post and rewrite it into a rhyming poem of no more than eight lines. H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. I
388 Pitches in the Dirt Come up with a sales pitch to get any surplus product off the shelves. 1
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H
374 Bill Us Later Take a well-known expression and update it for the new millennium. I
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. H
342 Plainly Ridiculous Take any direct quotation from any article in today's Washington Post and translate it into "plain English." H
325 THE BURMA ROAD Propose welcoming doggerel for states or cities patterned after Burma Shave signs. 1
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? H
308 GIVE US NO MO Write an updated version of those old children's selecting rhymes. Your rhyme must (1) rhyme and (2) conform, at least loosely, to a point-and-shoot cadence that permits the elimination of one item from a group. 4 H
306 YOUNGIAN THERAPY Suggest ways in which the Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people. H
304 TIME OF THE SIGNS Come up with appropriate signage to appear outside any business or retail establishment in the Washington area, including government offices. H
293 THE VERSE OF AMERICA Take any story in today's Washington Post and create a poem or song by stringing together various phrases from that story. Each phrase must be a least two words long. W
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. P
290 THE WORLD THEORIES Codify some of life's more populist theories. H
289 PLAY IT AGAIN, SHAM Submit entries to any previous contest, ideas you might have thought of after the contest deadline had passed. H
285 ELEVENIS, ANYTWO? Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase. H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. P
279 TREACLE-DOWN THEORY Come up with a treacly and deeply moving piece of crap. It must somehow mine joy and goopy inspiration from the vicissitudes of life. It must also rhyme. H
273 UNSEENS WE'D LIKE TO SEE Provide examples of any of the provided categories of things that will never happen. H
267 THE CONCEPT CONCEPT Come up with a situation for a "People Unclear on the Concept" cartoon. Describe the situation and supply any necessary dialogue. H
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. 1
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. I
249 BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS Supply a silver lining for any scourge or social ill facing America or the world. H
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. 4 H
236 CALLING THE TOON. What is happening here? H
233 SEEKING PARODY Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer. H
229 WE CAN'T HEAR YOU Supply an example for any of the five "Things you don't want to hear" categories provided. 1
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. H
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? W
199 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
160 SEEKING WISE GUYS Come up with cool new bad-guy terms. H
158 SO SUE US Come up with frivolous lawsuits. L
157 WARNING SIGNS Complete any of these "you might be about to" warning sentences. H
153 STUMP US Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign. H
142 EXHIBITING BAD TENDENCIES Come up with the winner of next year's Turner Prize, which says its aim is to expand ideas of what is art. H
137 VELVIS LIVES Come up with a title and/or art gallery blurb for this velvet Elvis painting. 1 H
134 A SIMPLE CLERIHEW ERROR Revive clerihews. A clerihew is a biographical poem in four lines divided into two rhyming couplets. The rhyme scheme is aa bb. The first line of the clerihew must contain the name of the subject of the poem. The lines must be of disparate meter, the clunkier the better. H
133 LIKE, WOW. Come up with funny analogies. H
124 SPOON-FEED US. Come up with spoonerisms, expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words. H
118 WEAK 118 Take any photo caption or headline appearing anywhere in today's Post and alter its meaning by adding, deleting, or changing one letter. H
116 WRITE PURE POETRY Write a complete sentence using only the letters contained on the top row of a typewriter. Alternatively, you can use the letters of the first four lines of the standard eye chart. H
115 THE MNEMONIC PLAGUE Come up with new mnemonic devices to remember complicated lists. I
114 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Come up with jokes to culminate in any of these six punch lines. W
113 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take a list of horses nominated to the Triple Crown races this year, choose any two, and propose a name for their offspring. H
111 ASK BACKWARDS V Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
97 NEWTONIAN PHILOSOPHY Come up with more Newt Gingrich philosophy to explain the differences between men and women, Democrats and Republicans, dogs and cats, whatever needs explaining. W
86 EXCUSES, EXCUSES Come up with funny excuses for various malfeasances. H
83 BEDROOM FARCE What questions were left out of the Great American Sex Survey? H
78 SEEKING SMART MORONS Come up with an oxymoron for our times, an expression made bogus by the fact that it combines incompatible, contradictory ideas. H
75 CURSES! Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition. H
72 OH, HELL Come up with the perfect vision of Hell for a famous person, living or dead. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]