PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PAUL A. ALTER

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. L
255 SCANDAL IN THE WIND Each of the provided items is somehow related to the current presidential scandal. Tell us how. H
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if " H
248 STICKER SCHLOCK Come up with a message for our new, mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker, something that summarizes the grandeur and dignity of this stupid contest. H
242 SACRED COW PIES Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided. H H H
229 WE CAN'T HEAR YOU Supply an example for any of the five "Things you don't want to hear" categories provided. H
102 HELP! I'M A PRISONER IN THIS CONTEST Come up with fortune cookie messages that you would love to see, but never will. H
98 YOUR CHEATIN' ART Come up with titles for country music songs featuring any one or more of the following themes: cheatin', thievin', drinkin', truckin', lovin' or dogs. H
92 PLOTBOILERS Tell us what excerpts from celebrities' novels might look like. 2
89 CHILD'S PLAY Come up with bad ideas for new toys for the Christmas season. L W
86 EXCUSES, EXCUSES Come up with funny excuses for various malfeasances. H
77 THE RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD II What do these ink blots mean? H
75 CURSES! Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition. 2
69 LAYING DOWN THE LAW Send us some exciting new principles that explain why things happen they way they happen. H
65 DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism. H
60 ASK BACKWARDS III You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
59 A GRAVE AFFAIR Write appropriate epitaphs for the not-yet-dead. H
55 ESCAPE CLAUSES Send us self-serving moral loopholes through which the enterprising 1990s transgressor can crawl. H
54 ODD COUPLING Write comical combinations of famous names, by marriage or other conceit. H
51 CAPTION CRUNCH, VOL. II Supply captions for any of these pictures. H
46 WE WANT STUPID ENTRIES ONLY Make up a sentence that, were it not for this contest, would never be uttered. 5
41 READ-END COLLUSION Design a Style Invitational bumper sticker to be awarded to all Honorable Mentions. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]