||Write a caption for one or more of the provided pictures.
||Mess with our -- or anyone else's -- heads
||Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online or another publication dated March 9-20) by writing a bankhead, or subtitle.
||Clue us in -- a reverse crossword
||Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the 72 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid.
||Let 'er RIP: Write and obit line
||Write a humorous line or two for someone's obituary -- either for a particular person (dead or not) or for a fictional or generic one.
||Colt following -- It's time for the grandfoals
||"Breed" any two of the 57 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names.
||Be a published author!
||Give us a spicy title for a boring book, real or imagined.
||H H |
||Right in the pampootie
||Write a humorous short poem (eight lines or fewer) incorporating one of the 50 provided words.
||Fictoids of Columbia
||Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area.
||Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in an article in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated Nov. 20 through Dec. 1 (in print, any article from those days' papers), and make up a question that the sentence could answer.
||H H H |
||Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon.
||The ands have it
||Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it.
||Give us some fake sports trivia.
||Quote a headline appearing in The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com or another publication, print or online, dated Nov. 14 to Nov. 25, and supply a humorous "bank" headline that either misinterprets it or comments wryly on it.
||H H |
||What have you got to lose?
||Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song.
||The Empy 500
||Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings.
||Faux re mi
||Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians.
||Combine the beginning and end, or the beginnings and ends, of any two words in single Washington Post story or ad published March 21 to April 1 into a new word or two-word phrase, and define the result.
||Take us for grants
||Come up with a proposal to the National Science Foundation or other research-funding organization for a study based on a stupid hypothesis.
||Our type o' headline
||Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead).
||MASH 2: The Retread
||Combine two movie titles and describe the result.
||The 400 blows
||Write a humorous poem--choose your form--about the Virginia earthquake, Hurricane Irene or another well-known natural event.
||Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal.
||Create a short humorous dialogue -- or a monologue featuring one party -- of a phone call to 911, or a call for help to someone else.
||Mess with our heads
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head."
||Express some sentiment in the form of a Venn diagram.
||Cast a joke in one of the forms listed above.
||Going to the shrink
||Downsize the title of a book, movie or play to make it smaller or less momentous and describe it.
||Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2009.
||Up and addin'
||Compose a humorous rhopalic sentence (or multiple sentences) in which each word is one letter longer than the previous word.
||Provide a caption for any of these pictures.
||Other People's Business
||Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice.
||Make a pun on the name of a familiar group, organization or company, and describe it or provide a quote from it.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions.
||Send Us the Bill
||Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together.
||Write a humorous poem commemorating someone who died in 2008.
||Clue Us In
||Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache.
||H H |
||The 1K Club
||Supply a chain of 20 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "Chris Doyle."
||The Ballad Box
||Write a short, humorous song somehow relating to the presidential campaign, set to a familiar tune.
||Words to The Wiseacres
||Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life.
||That's the Ticket!
||Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States.
||H H |
||Our Greatest Hit
||Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word.
||An Act of Sunny Side
||Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal.
||Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above.
||Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons.
||Lies, All Lies
||Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure.
||No River, No Woods
||Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah.
||Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-.
||Abridged Too Far
||Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines.
||Let's Play Nopardy!
||We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine.
||We Har the World
||Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States.
||Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about?
||Let's Get Personnel
||Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer.
||We Beg You To Differ
||Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar.
||Write a poem about someone who died in 2006.
||Funnies: How Time Flies
||Pull Billy of "The Family Circus" -- or any of his comic strip neighbors in The Washington Post -- out of his time warp to a different age, era or place, and provide a short storyline or dialogue or caption.
||H M |
||Thank it Over
||Tell us some things to be thankful for.
||Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word.
||The News Gets Verse
||Sum up wittily in verse -- but not a limerick -- any article appearing in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4.
||Just Sign This
||Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign.
||Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days.
||H T |
||Tell Us a Fib
||Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions.
||Show Us Some Character
||Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it.
||What's the Small Idea?
||Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans?
||What's going on in any of these cartoons?
||Best the Best
||Write something about any famous personage that uses only the letters in his or her name.
||Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form.
||Take This, Job, and …
||Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally.
||Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!)
||Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it.
||Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings.
||Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result.
||Redefine any word from the dictionary.
||Set Us Right
||Send us conservative-leaning humor is any of the provided genres.
||Suggest creative uses for things you've already used, or never will use, or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination.
||A Nice Pair of Cities
||Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake.
||United We Stanza
||Summarize in four rhyming lines of verse any famous document, theory, principle or speech.
||Rite of First Defusal
||Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments.
||It's Delete We Can Do
||Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen.
||Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader
||Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession. To form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person.
||It All Impends
||Tell us what is something unusual about to happen in the provided cartoons.
||The Battle of All Mottoes
||Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc.
||Life Is Snort
||Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short."
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||A Load of Bulwer
||Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel.
||Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in.
||It's a Setup
||Come up with joke setups for any of the provided punch lines.
||H H |
||Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||What is going on in these cartoons?
||The Telegraph Poll
||Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line.
||Don't Spare the Rodney
||Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect.
||No Rest for the Query
||Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down.
||Nice Job, if You Get It
||Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer.
||What's In a Name?
||Take the name of any politician, living or dead, and construct an appropriate message from the letters of the name. You may use any letter as many times as you wish, and you may insert punctuation.
||A Matter of Degree
||Describe a sign of some modest change in a situation and pair it with a sign of an extreme change in that same situation.
||Life Is Snort
||Write a "Life is Short" entry in under 100 words, in the voice of a celebrity, living or dead.
||IT PAYS TO BE GENDEROUS
||Write a short film description that could persuade a woman that the guy movie he wants to see is really close to being a gal movie, or vice versa.
||H H |
||Life in the Blurbs
||Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect.
||Present a solution to a problem that goes just a little too far.
||Pitches in the Dirt
||Come up with a sales pitch to get any surplus product off the shelves.
||Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian.
||Greasy Kids Tough
||Take any news event from history, recent of ancient, large or small, and rewrite it in 100 words or fewer as it might have appeared in KidsPost.
||Take any direct quotation from any article in today's Washington Post and translate it into "plain English."
||In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say?
||GIVE US THIS DAY
||There are no holidays between Presidents' Day and Memorial Day, a cheerless run of more than three months. Let's stick one in there, somewhere. The holiday should celebrate something or someone uniquely America. Tell us the date, the name of the holiday and how it should be observed.
||CAN YOU DO VERSE?
||Bad Valentine's Day poetry. Any rhyme scheme, any form of literary dysfunction.
||H H |