(Click here to skip down to the winning “joint legislation”)
Original: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. (Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence, 1776)
Anagrams to: What is evident is that women are not treated that equitably. The late framers structured this for penile people. Guys create and enact the laws. The gals are there behind their hubby, alienated. Oh, refill, hon? (Kevin Dopart, Week 1051, 2013)
Original: The Washington Post Style Invitational
Anagrams to: I have total nitwits pen nasty loo things (Chris Doyle, Week 1051)
The Loser Community has proved itself amazingly adept at rearranging letters into clever anagrams. (In fact, if you join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook, the Devs will anagram your name inside out.) Recently we had a contest for anagrams of movie titles; this week we hark back to our broader contests of 2013 and 2004. This week: Create an anagram — a phrase or sentence with the letters rearranged — of any text (except merely someone’s name) of any length, as in the examples above. You must use every letter in your original exactly once; you may add any punctuation or capitalization you like. For short phrases, you might want to rearrange Scrabble tiles, but it’s not cheating to use such free computer programs as Anagram Artist by one-time Loser Mike Keith. And before you send in your entry, please use the quickie Anagram Checker at Wordsmith.org, which will instantly tell you if you’ve left out a letter or added an extra one.
*It’s an anagram of “The Style Invitational.” But you got that, right?
Submit entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1318 (all lowercase).
Winner gets the Lose Cannon, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a pair of big fat foamy brown bedroom slippers adorned with jolly-faced poop emoji, a prize that was inexplicably declined by the Week 1270 runner-up.
Other runners-up win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 18; results published March 10 (online Thursday, March 7). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline “Droll Call” was submitted by both Kevin Dopart and Bill Dorner; William Kennard wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress's weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. This week's features a tribute to the peerless Mae Scanlan, who died this week, plus tips on writing long-form anagrams from our star 'grammers. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
DROLL CALL: THE ‘JOINT LEGISLATION’ OF WEEK 1314
Week 1314 was our biennial “joint legislation” contest to combine the names of new members of Congress as “co-sponsors.” Some of the entries below will require you to say them out loud, perhaps repeatedly. But believe me, they don’t compare with such Mrs. Incredible stretches as Omar-Harder-Lee-Lamb (Mary Had Little Lamb) or Pappas-Scott-Braun-Meuser-Case (Papa’s Got Brand New Suitcase). Yes, this contest was a bear to judge.
The Hyde-Smith-Underwood Bill to guarantee the right to unmarked burials in national parks. (Steve Honley, Washington)
The Sherrill-Watkins-Scott resolution that younger siblings should get to play with the older kids’ toys. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) [share all what kin’s got]
and the Jesus Bandages bandaids:
The Finkenauer-Pappas-Wild-Golden-Case Act offers immunity to Eric and Don Jr. for corroborating the Steele dossier. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
The Morelle-Gooden-Wright-Hill Congressional Ethics Reform Act (died in committee). (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
The Hyde-Smith-Smith-Rose-Rose-Levin-Levin-Garcia-Garcia Anti-Doublespeak Paperwork and Ink Reduction Act (Frank Mann, Washington)
Wright-Steube-Baird-Underwood Act designating nudist-friendly areas in national forests. (Virginia Hume Onufer, Chevy Chase, Md., a First Offender) [Rights to be bared under wood]
The Omar-Kim-Allred Act, a GOP-sponsored bill to summarily accuse all Democrats of being Communists. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.) [Oh, mark ’em all red]
The Lamb-Scott-Gooden-Green Act to clean out leftovers in the refrigerator before they become really gross. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
The Levin-Omar-Levin (LOL) Proclamation recognizes that Israel and Palestine shall never again take up arms against one another. (Chris Damm, Charles Town, W.Va.)
The Pappas-Torres Small-Pence bill to ban the sale of “slim-fit” trousers to men over 50. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)
The Gooden-Cunningham Declaration praising the Third Little Pig for cleverly choosing building materials. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)
The Pressley-Pence-Wright Declaration to Place a Proper French Crease in les pantalons. (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)
The Guest-Rouda [ruda]-Lee-Rose-Tlaib [t’leeb] Act to Remind People to Just Sit Politely for a Few More Minutes (Jennie Reiff, Crystal Lake, Ill.) [guest rudely rose to leave]
The Lamb-Garcia Act to prohibit bizarre ice cream flavors. (Robyn Carlson, Keyser, W.Va)
The Hyde-Smith-Wright Act to improve the Witness Protection Program (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
The Allred-Hill-McSally-Miller-Morelle-Mucarsel-Powell-Phillips-Sherrill-Torres Small proclamation telling Trump to go 2 L. (Bill Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)
The Golden-Neguse Act to fund all federal operations. Forever. (Jeffrey Steinberg, Bethesda, Md.)
The Pappas-Hill-Harder resolution confirming that fathers had to climb higher distances, both ways, to school in their day. (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)
The Miller-Steube-Green Declaration of the proper way to serve beer on St. Patrick’s Day. (Joanne Free)
The Hill-Steube-Baird Act to authorize even more strip mining. (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
The Wild-Lee-Horn-Neguse Act designating exactly what’s good for the gander. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
The Roy-Luria Shopping Mall Teen Safety Act (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)
The Harder-Hern Act to make people speak up. (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)
The Spano-Kim-Harder Act to appoint Stormy Daniels as Chief of Presidential Oversight. (Mark Raffman)
The Hayes-Wright-Tlaib [t'leeb] resolution thanking Gen. Mattis for his service and apologizing for the PTSD he's going to experience. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) [he's right to leave]
The Taylor-Torres Small-Johnson Act mandating that standards for mohels should be stricter than just "He's probably pretty good with scissors." (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.; Noah Friedlander, Chicago, a First Offender)
The Spano-Van Drew-Johnson Declaration celebrating the years 1865-1869. (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.)
The Levin-Finkenauer Act to limit the number of whistle-blowing ex-Trump associates allowed to appear on MSNBC. (Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) [eleven-fink-an-hour]
The Allred-Wright-Hern Act to reduce backups at stoplights. (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) [all-red right turn]
The Stauber-Wild-Lee Act to regulate shower safety at the Bates Motel. (Mark Raffman)
The Levin-Horsford-Haaland Act, a relief bill authorizing almost one dozen professionals to assist Amsterdam's sex worker shortage. (Jon Ketzner) [eleven whores for Holland]
The Pence-Scott-Golden-Sinema Resolution calling for the vice president to hand over his rumored "25th Amendment stash" of Russian hotel tapes. (Kevin Dopart)
The Harder-Cox Resolution that everyone has to stop giggling, we have a serious resolution here. No, really guys, stop. Stop. (Ben Shouse, Silver Spring, Md.)
And Last: The Steil-Crow Declaration: Ha! I got ink! (J. Larry Schott, West Plains, Mo.)
Still running — deadline Monday night, Feb. 11: our Punku contest — haiku with puns. See wapo.st/invite1317.
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