(Click here to skip down to the results of our contest to match up TV shows with humorously “appropriate” songs)
The Beyer-Tillis-Love Act to encourage Valentine’s Day jewelry purchases
The Kirk-Takai Resolution to Boldly Go
The Manchin-Newhouse bill to keep 500 people from sending this combination unless there’s an amazingly clever description
Every two years, even when when the electorate doesn’t much agree with her own political preferences, the Empress gets excited whenever there’s a large turnover in Congress. (And not just at the Apple Pastry Appreciation Day press conference.) It’s because there will be more freshmen’s names to cobble together for the Invite’s “joint legislation” contest, a game we’ve been playing since 1993. Actually, despite the big GOP gains in November, there are only 64 new people in the House and Senate for this 114th Congress (if you count people who’ve moved from one to the other) — which is a dozen or so fewer than in the 113th. So we’re padding out the list by adding veteran senators whose names haven’t been used in any previous Invite results. After all, the new legislators had better learn to work with their seniors.
So: Combine two or more names from the list of members of Congress (the list is at the bottom of this page) to “cosponsor” a bill based on their combined last names, and state its purpose, as in the examples above. Sometimes people will string together six or eight names to create something that sounds like real words only in the deluded mind of the writer; one year, someone sent in “Yoho-Vela-Williams” to mean “Jehovah’s Witnesses,” which prompted a whole lot of imperial tiara-scratching. You may translate your effort for the Empress, but do it on a separate line so she can try it without a hint first.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the fine sculpture pictured at left; donated by Cheryl Davis, who brought it up from Myrtle Beach just for us.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet designed by Bob Staake: either “The Wit Hit the Fan” or “Hardly Har-Har.” First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to email@example.com or, if you were born in the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Jan. 26; results published Feb. 15 (online Feb. 12). You may submit up to 25 entries per contest. Include “Week 1107” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; the honorable-mentions subhead was submitted by both Howard Walderman and Mark Raffman. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday.
The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
For Week 1103, we asked you to pair a TV show with a humorously “appropriate” song. Many entries fell (with a thud) into the Duh category: “We Are the Champions” with the Olympics, for instance. But others found the zing.
“Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” for “Dexter” (Christopher Lamora, Los Angeles)
“I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” for “The Cosby Show” (Nancy Schwalb, Washington; Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
“Tears of a Clown” for “The Glenn Beck Program” (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
“Three Times a Lady” for “The Biggest Loser” (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
For “19 Kids and Counting”: “Oops! . . . I Did It Again (Brian Cohen, Norfolk, Va.)
“Stop! In the Name of Love” (Carole Franks, Lewes, Del., a First Offender; Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
“Baby One More Time” (Frank Osen)
“Dancing on the Ceiling” for “Flip This House” (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
“One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” for “How I Met Your Mother” (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
For “Sex Sent Me to the ER”: “Don’t Do Me Like That” (William Kennard, Arlington, Va.)
“Bang a Gong (Get It On)” (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
For “WWE Smackdown”: “Try a Little Tenderness” (Thomas Salander, Arlington, Va., a First Offender)
For “Six Feet Under”: “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore” (John Shea, Philadelphia)
“Amazing Grace” for “The Amazing Race” (Lee Mayer and Paul Laporte, Washington)
For “The Bachelor”: “What’s Love Got to Do With It” (Christopher Lamora; Gordon Cobb, Marietta, Ga.)
“Turn! Turn! Turn!” for NASCAR sprint racing (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)
“When Doves Cry” for “The Rachel Maddow Show” (Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)
“Sunday Bloody Sunday” for “Game of Thrones” (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)
For “CSI”: “It Had to Be You” (Christopher Lamora)
“The Long and Winding Road” for Katie Couric’s televised colonoscopy (Jeff Shirley)
“Pick Up the Pieces” for “Miami Vice” (Larry Gray)
“Put on a Happy Face” for “Nip/Tuck” (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.)
“Great Balls of Fire” for “The Apprentice” (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)
For “The Cosby Show”: “How Long Has This Been Going On?” (Philip Justus, Potomac, Md.)
“Don’t Drink the Water” (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)
“Papa Don’t Preach” (Roy Ashley, Washington)
For “The View”: “Pickalittle (Talk-a-Little)” (Charles Mann, Falls Church; Kathleen DeBold)
“Whole Lotta Rosie” (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)
For “Saturday Night Live”: “I Don’t Care Anymore” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
For “Hoarders”: “Let It Go” (Brian Cohen)
“Never Gonna Give You Up” (Ninamarie Maragioglio, Burke, Va., a First Offender; Kristen Rahman, Silver Spring, Md.)
“Bang Bang Bang” for “Jersey Shore” (John Folse, Bryans Road, Md.)
“Blank Space” for “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” (Brian Cohen; Lori Petterson, College Park, Md.)
“Where Have All the Flowers Gone?” for the Tournament of Roses Parade (Pie Snelson)
Still running — deadline Jan. 20: Our contest for New Year’s resolutions for 2115: See bit.ly/invite1106.
Below are the names of the new members of the 114th Congress, along with many incumbent senators. Combine two or more of their names to produce “joint legislation” that reflects their names, and describe its purpose. See the contest rules at the top of this page.
Aguilar (pronounced AG-u-lar)
Barrasso (rhymes with “lasso”)
Bost (rhymes with “cost”)
Guinta (“ginta” with a hard G)
Hoeven (rhymes with “rovin’ “)
Lieu (“lyoo” but “loo” is close enough)
Loudermilk (as opposed to quieter milk)
Manchin (rhymes with “ranchin’ ”
Plaskett (rhymes with “basket”)
Rouzer (rhymes with “trouser”)
Watson Coleman (she uses both names)