Style Invitational Week 1066 minus 1: Fasten your doublets; plus crossword clues
By Pat Myers,
Sneeze and desist: Don’t come to work sick, for cryin’ out loud!
Peace and carats: Slogan for a boycott of “conflict diamonds.”
Aid and abet . . . over and above . . . cease and desist . . . care and attention . . . appropriate and proper . . . to have and to hold . . . null and void . . .lewd and lascivious . . . part and parcel . . .
For the second straight week, we salute the year 1066 by running a contest on a different week (we have to do something else next week) that has very little to do with the year anyway:
Notice something about the word pairs (mostly legal phrases) listed above? The words in each pair, or “doublet,” have similar, sometimes even identical meanings. The reason, explains Loser Doug Frank, is that after the Norman Conquest, the French invasion of England, some people in Britain were more familiar with Anglo-Saxon words, while others fared better in French or Latin. And so, in one of the rare instances of bureaucracy making things more understandable, legal terms were often presented in two languages.
It didn’t take long for the English language to absorb all those French words anyway, but the redundant pairs have dug in to this day.
Which, finally, allows us to be even more tangential to this tenuous link to 1066: For Week 1065: Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form “A-and-B” — it doesn’t have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon, and it doesn’t have to be in the list above — and define it, as in Doug’s examples above. By “slightly alter,” I mean that it should be clear in the new version what the old one is.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. And second place receives, of course, a pair: a little game called Pig Jax, which is simply a game of jacks but played with little plastic pigs instead of jacks; and a sizable bag of orange and yellow Gummi-like chicken feet. Both donated by Loser Bruce Alter.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either the Po’ Wit Laureate or Puns of Steel. First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to firstname.lastname@example.org or, if you were born in the 19th century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 31; results published April 20 (online April 17), by which time little Washingtonian children presumably will not have to dig for Easter eggs in the snow. No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1065” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle; the alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line is by Kevin Dopart. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev, and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of the Day at bit.ly/inkofday.
Report from Week 1061
in which the Empress presented the partially filled-in Bob Klahn crossword shown here, and asked for words — either real or coined ones — that would fit the individual word-spaces in the grid (they didn’t have to work as a valid crossword). Here are the best of the thousands of emtries: Some wouldn’t be out of place in an actual creative crossword; others, you’ll see, belong only here. (See the complete original at bit.ly/klahn1061.)
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
16 Across (C - - TE): CASTE: The role of a lifetime (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Winner of the 2003 (but works in 2014!) “Spam Through the Ages” calendar:
32 Across (F--S): FEES: When you lie down with doctors, you get up with these (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Third place: 35 Down (-IESINT-): LIES INTO: A politician does this with a microphone (Rebecca Reed, Charlottesville, Va., a First Offender)
Fourth place: 57 Across (-ES--OIN-): TESTLOINS: People you date, but don’t marry (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Shortz-shrifted: honorable mentions
1 Across (SW--D--AN): SWINDLEAN: A diet program in which you lose only money (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)
Or . . . SWAN DIVAN: A Bjork-alounger (Dave Silberstein, College Park, Md.)
10 Across (MO-ST): MONST: What monsters do, duh. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village; Danielle Nowlin, Woodbridge, Va.)
15 Across (---EA-EM-): MAKE A MEME: Post an embarrassing photo of yourself online (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
Or . . . NUKE A NEMO: To microwave fish for dinner (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Or . . . JOKE AHEMS: Polite way to discourage impolite humor (Elden Carnahan)
17 Across (-L-N-A-E-): CLINGAGER: 35-year-old still living at home (Yuki Henninger, Vienna, Va.)
Or . . . KLANBAKES: Bigot banquets. (Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md., a First Offender)
18 Across (S-IR-): SNIRI: Cellphone assistant with attitude: “I said to turn right, idiot!” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
19 Across (-N-O): Unno: Yes (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.)
22 Across (US-S): US IS: Opposite of “you ain’t” (Bob Brandenburger, Chester, Md., a First Offender)
20 Across (-I--W): SI JEW:Answer to “Do you sell kosher tacos?” (Roy Ashley, Washington)
25 Across (JA-): JAR: One Bink (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Or . . . JAQ: Seize control of a Scrabble game (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)
27 Across (-A-): GAY: Iranian term for “does not exist here” (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
30 Across (--IG--I): ORIGUMI: The art of sticking cut paper together with tacky glue because those folding directions are %^&* IMPOSSIBLE (Danielle Nowlin)
Or . . . URIGAMI: The art of creating designs by peeing in snow (Frank Osen)
32 Across (F--S): FOTS: The results of overeating in Beantown (Christopher Lamora, Los Angeles)
33 Across (-R--L--): BRIDLED: What the groom became after the wedding (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
34 Across (S-O-ID): SLOW ID: One who seeks immediate gratification sometime down the road (Harry Megaw, Fairfax, Va.)
Or . . . SHODID: “Yes” in Southern (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.; Steve Honley, Washington)
38 Across (AIR--G-): AIRRUGS: Toupees in March (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
41 Across (-E-TER-): DEUTERO: Author of the fifth book of the Bible (Jim Holt, Washington)
Or . . . MEDTERM: The next election, if everyone’s still talking about Obamacare (Frank Osen)
Or . . . BESTERD: A Style Invitational winner who isn’t you (Seth Tucker, Washington; Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)
54 Across (B--E): BUKE: To primand (Mae Scanlan)
55 Across (ON-A-): ONEAL:Amateur athlete Ryan and amateur actor Shaquille (Kristen Rahman, Silver Spring, Md.
57 ACROSS (-ES--OIN-): WEST POINT: Half of Mae’s bra (Mike Gips)
Or . . . BEST BOINK: Top honor at the Adult Film Awards (Jeff Shirley, Richmond)
Or . . . JEST, NO INK: The story of my life (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md., whose life actually has 181 blots of Invite ink)
59 Across (-T-NA): ET DNA: What was found on Elliott’s finger (Jim Stiles, Rockville, Md.)
60 Across (-NA---CE): ONANDANCE: Weekend diversion at boys’ prep school (Rich Laska, Barstow, W.Va.)
62 Across (N-----K-R): NEW PORKER: Freshman senator (Seth Tucker)
Or . . . NAN FORKER: Prissy diner in an Indian restaurant (Nitin Kumar, Washington, a First Offender)
Or . . . NEE YORKER: The only excuse for being a Yankees fan in this area (Mark Raffman)
1 Down (S----S): SMUTTS: Dogs that hump your leg. (John O’Byrne, Dublin)
4 Down (-ENO): LENO: Jay Zzzzzz (Roy Ashley)
6 Down (--A--A-DGR--): FLACK AND GRAB: The Washington Way (Mark Sheppard, Sterling, Va., a First Offender)
9 Down (N---J--): NOT R JOB: EMS calls at some D.C. firehouses (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Or . . . NYUKJAW: Affliction that prematurely ended Curly Howard’s career with the Three Stooges (Harold Mantle, Lafayette, Calif.)
11 Down (O--U): OBFU: Initials often cried out during labor. (Nan Reiner)
13 Down (STR-A-A-): ST REAGAN: Icon worshiped by GOP hopefuls (Mark Raffman; Mae Scanlan)
26 Down (-I-L-BO): RIO LUBO: The Keystone XL pipeline (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)
44 Down (SE-NC-): SEANCE: It may lead to spirited discussion (Jeff Contompasis)
45 Down (--E-ER): VREMER: Signature on that priceless Old Master painting you discovered at a yard sale. (Debbie Wagner, Brookeville, Md.)
49 Down (KE--SA-): KEGNSAX: Party fun in the Clinton White House (Jeff Covel, Arlington, Va.)
Still running — deadline Monday night: Our contest to change a moment in history and explain the effect. See bit.ly/invite1064.
See the Empress’s online column The Style Conversational (published late Thursday), in which she discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, sign up here or write to the Empress at email@example.com (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in there.
Next week’s results: The News Could Be Verse, or The Bard News Bearers, a contest for short poems on current-events themes. See bit.ly/invite1062.