Week 727: We Get a C-Section

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Next Sunday on this page (if you are reading this on an actual tree-based page), you will see "The Style Invitational." But you will not see The Style Invitational. There will only be a box directing you to go back in time to the previous day. Because this coming weekend, with Week 728, the Empress is packing up her inkblots and moving to Saturday's Style section, Page C2. It's just one of the ripples caused by the consolidation of Sunday's Style and Arts sections into -- ta-da! -- the Style & Arts section, debuting next Sunday.

Given that the Invitational has for quite a while been posted online every Saturday morning, the move won't make much difference to some regular readers. But surely, there will be some effect worth noting, or predicting, or speculating on in a ridiculous manner. This week: Tell us some pros and cons (they don't necessarily have to be in sets) of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section. Alternatively: Write us up some free promo-ad copy announcing the move.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets an official Loser Ear Picker or Key Chain, shown here in the former function by its creator, Kyle Hendrickson of Frederick, who sculpted a number of these himself for the 18 participants of this year's Loserfest field trip to Williamsburg and Jamestown. (In Jamestown, archaeologists recently discovered an ornate silver ear picker among the artifacts, thus inspiring Kyle's Loserly version.)

Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 27. Put "Week 727" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Kevin Dopart, who also suggested, in a way, the new contest. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Stephen Dudzik of Olney.

Report From Week 723

In which we asked you to play verbal mixologist and concoct an appropriately named beverage: The Empress had forgotten that we'd done pretty much the same contest four years ago; fortunately the Losers found lots of timely reasons to be snarky.

4. The Barry B: a nutritious blend of vitamins, minerals, protein and some other stuff, served with a wink. (Joel Knanishu, Rock Island, Ill.)

3. The Dead Russian: Vodka, Kahlua and thallium. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

2. The winner of "The Twinkies Cookbook": The Let My People Go: Manischewitz and prune juice. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

And the Winner of the Inker

The D.C. Voting Rights Bill: A Shirley Temple with an O'Doul's chaser. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

The Bottom Shelf

The Road Rage: Start with lots of Schlitz, add a finger of Effen vodka. Occasionally chased with a shot. (Eric Murphy, Ann Arbor, Mich.)

The Mitt: An appletini, poured down the sink and replaced with Southern Comfort and bourbon. (Beth Baniszewski, Somerville, Mass.)

The Gin Rummy: The liquor you have. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington; Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Pat Robertson Wine: A liter of water and keep praying. (Kevin Dopart, sent from Naxos, Greece)

The Washington Workaholic: Pour shot of blackberry liqueur in a glass. Add a cup of strong black coffee. Check the blackberry. Add ice. Check the blackberry again. (Anne Paris, Arlington)

The Pull My Finger: Old Grand-Dad and bicarbonate of soda. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

The Orange Monopoly: St. James's rum and Tennessee whiskey; goes perfectly with a New York strip. (Randy Lee, Burke)

The Washington National: A pitcher with nothing. (Bob Dalton, Arlington)

The Fountain of Truth: Diet Coke, Mentos and Sodium Pentothal. (Russell Beland)

The Executive Privilege: One finger, straight up. (Mark Eckenwiler)

Shabbily: A white wine adapted for cultivation in Arkansas. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

The Manhattan Project: Vermouth, whiskey and heavy water. (Chris Doyle)

A Lindsay Lohan: Same recipe as a Shirley Temple, but substitute tequila for ginger ale and cocaine for the cherry. (Kevin Dopart)

The Tequila X: Cutty Sark with OJ (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

The Katrina Aftermath: Here's mud in your rye. (Chris Doyle)

Mix equal parts Rémy Martin, Möet & Chandon champagne and Cointreau. It's called Le Rem-Moet-Cointreau -- thousands of TV viewers reached for it during this year's Tour de France. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

Jugo de Chavez: A South American distillate very popular in the United States -- it's even served by the barrel -- though it leaves a bad taste in the mouth. (Joel Knanishu)

The Vasectomy: Dry Sack, straight up. (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

The Herve Villechaize: Nehi and a shot. (Mark Eckenwiler)

Campaign on the Rocks: Dom Perignon, tears. The house drink on the Straight Talk Express. (Mae Scanlan)

Iowa Ethanol Blend: Just Kool-Aid, but all presidential candidates must drink it. (Kevin Dopart)

The SUV: Straight-Up Vodka. Never in water or on rocks. Refill continually. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

The Coach Gibbs: a truly excellent vintage champagne, gone flat. (Chris Doyle)

The Ron Paul: A drink you make just the way you want it, without bartender intervention. (Roy Ashley)

Next Week: Abridged Too Far, or Tale Wagging Doggerel

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