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Copyright The Washington Post Company Apr 17, 2005

PUBLISHED CORRECTIONS: A joke in the April 17 Style Invitational contest incorrectly implied that Bill Cosby admitted being the father of a woman who sued him in 1997. While Cosby admitted having an affair with the woman's mother, he denied paternity, and the woman suing him refused to take a DNA test. (Published 4/19/2005)

This week's contest: It's National Poetry Month, and once again, in the Invitational's ceaseless mission to Raise the Cultural Literacy of Our Readers, we invite you to translate the fine prose of Washington Post articles into verse, as in the example above. Choose any article appearing in The Post or on its Web site from April 17 through April 25. If you're using the printed Post, please include the date, page number and headline; if you're freeloading from the Web, give the date and also copy in a bit of the article. As always, long poems must deserve the extra space; if you send "The Waste Land," you'd better be T.S. Eliot.

The winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets a pair of cuff links with a real working analog clock on each one, plus the legend "Time Is Money," donated by Russell Beland of Springfield.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 25. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Dave Zarrow of Herndon.

Report from Week 602, the perennially in-demand contest in which you alter a word or term by one letter, or transpose two letters, and redefine it: It's a good thing the Empress was sensible enough to limit it to words originally beginning with A, B, C and D, since she was inundated with far too many good entries to run here. So below, except for the winner and runners-up, are only the A's and B's; the Honorably Mentioned C's and D's will appear next week. Those who think the Empress is playing favorites when they read the same names over and over must realize that, of the two Losers inking most often below, one person submitted 104 entries, and the other one 296. So most of their stuff ended up in the trash, too.

{diam}Fifth runner-up: Alexpandria: A town known for its buffet restaurants. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

{diam}Fourth runner-up: Galgebra: Arithmetic. -- L. Summers, Cambridge, Mass. (Chris Doyle, Raleigh)

{diam}Third runner-up: Bucolip: Amish trash talk ("Thy cow is so thin, she gives evaporated milk, whatever that be"). (Michael Fransella, Arlington)

{diam}Second runner-up: Steroid belt: A home run. (Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the Boyfriend's Arm Pillow: Apocalypstic: The little smudge I came home with on my collar that makes my wife act like it's the end of the world. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Defenestraction: A ruse to divert the cop's attention while you throw the evidence out the window. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

{diam}Honorable Mentions (listed in alphabetical order of the original words):

Abelitionist: Cain. (Michael Fransella)

Accimental: Caused by a Freudian slip. (Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)

Dadmit: To acknowledge paternity -- In the end, Bill Cosby finally dadmitted. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

E-donis: A man who's extremely handsome, or so he says in the chat room. (Tom Witte)

Algaebra: What the Little Mermaid wears over her chest. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

Aliass: A body double for a nude scene. (Tom Witte)

Alter Geo: The vehicle most likely to sport the bumper sticker "My Other Car Is a Porsche." (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

Nambush: How the Swift Boat Veterans helped sink John Kerry. (Bruce MacKenchnie, Annandale)

Amoebra: An undergarment that lifts and separates and separates and separates. (Eric Murphy, Chicago)

Wankylosaur: This species went extinct because it just wasn't as interested in mating. (Brendan Beary)

Santagonism: A form of threatening mind control that parents practice on their children every December. You better watch out! (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Antbeater: An extra-small white undershirt. (George Vary, Bethesda)

Panteater: A particularly potent flatus. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Anthloogy: A collection of Flemish literature. (Brendan Beary)

Antifoxidant: Something that repels the female of the species (e.g., overpowering after-shave, constant BlackBerry-checking). (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Antiperpirant: Mace. (Will Cramer and Julie Thomas, Herndon)

Auntiques: That crocheted tea cozy and the scented stationery. (Deborah Guy, Columbus, Ohio)

Mantonyms: Word pairs describing identical traits positively in men but negatively in women (e.g, "stud"/"slut"; "assertive"/ "bitchy"). (Mike Cisneros, Centreville)

Capoplexy: A life-threatening condition caused by having one's offer refused. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Arbyss: The deepest part of the stomach, reserved for two Giant Roast Beefs, large Curly Fries and a chocolate shake. (Danny Organek, Alexandria)

Archenema: A high colonic. (Chris Doyle)

Fattire: Items from the Lane Bryant catalogue. (Michelle Stupak)

Tautomatic: The Botox alternative from Ronco. (Jeff Covel, Arlington)

AWOOL: A lamb on the lam. (Tom Witte)

Ayatoljah: A holier-than-thou person given to pointing out that he was right all along. (Brendan Beary)

Avalunche: Bulimia. (Brendan Beary)

Avant-harde: Before the Cialis kicks in. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Avoirdupoise: Self-confidence with one's plus-size body -- Queen Latifah displays plenty of avoirdupoise. (Brendan Beary)

Bananab: A fruit that can be peeled from either end. (Brendan Beary)

Bandwagony: The intense pain of knowing that the Skins won't get to the Super Bowl this year. (Fred Souk, Reston)

Raptism: After the introduction of the folk Mass, it was only a matter of time. (Jan Stowell, Washington)

bAAr: Where only nonalcoholic drinks are served. (Tom Witte)

Barelycorn: Watered-down whiskey. (Brendan Beary)

Branacles: The dried bits of cereal stuck like glue to the bowl you should have rinsed before leaving for work. (Walt Johnston, Woodstock, Md.)

Lastard: The moron who leaves the empty milk carton in the fridge and never replaces the toilet paper. (Brendan O'Byrne, Regina, Saskatchewan)

Blingual: Speaking both English and Street. (Lyell Rodieck, Springfield)

Biliteral: Talking out of both sides of your mouth. (Tom Kreitzberg, Silver Spring)

Bilk of Rights: The Patriot Act. (Greg McGrew, Leesburg)

Binucular: Having both the A-bomb and the H-bomb. -- G.W.B., Washington (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Blimbo: Someone who's both dumb and fat. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Boobboo: A small scar left by breast surgery. (Fred Souk)

BoltUN: A slap in the face to a former friend. (Danny Organek)

Bong mot: A profundity unable to be appreciated by the non- indulging (e.g, "Hey, far out how, like, the caked-up ketchup around the bottle? It's, like, Africa, man"). (Mitchell Singer, Los Angeles)

Breck-and-mortar: Helmet hair. (Peter Metrinko)

Brontesaurus: A dinosaur that died out from a broken heart. (Scott Campisi)

And the Anti-Invitational: Xxylophone: A percussing instrument; Zeebra: The largest cup size offered. (Bertram H. Lowi, Southampton, N.Y.)


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