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Copyright The Washington Post Company Jan 16, 2005

"You'd feel better if you didn't spend so much time thinking about yourself."

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find a bathroom soon. I can remember this one time when I REALLY had to go -- oh boy, was that excruciating!"

In an entry for our Jan. 2 in-and-out-etc. list that didn't see ink until now, Stanley Halbert of Lawrence, Kan., noted that jobs were down but Job's comforters were up. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. This week's contest, also suggested by Stanley, is to come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer, as in the examples above. Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives a T-shirt from the printer of the super new Loser T-Shirt, Roger Caldwell of San Francisco, owner of CreativeOrigins.com. The shirt says "Creative Origins: Nice, Friendly People." Underneath that is a very cool- looking mosaic-type picture of a very un-nice, unfriendly face.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Jan. 24. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Feb. 13. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village.

Report from Week 589, in which we asked you to combine the beginning of one word in the Dec. 19 Style Invitational with the end of another word, and define the result: Lots of you chose to use the beginning of "penitentiary." Hahaheeheetittertitteryawn. Too easy. No ink for you.

{diam}Third runner-up: Econo-ball: New Year's Eve at Denny's. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

{diam}Second runner-up: Feel-ibuster: The most dreaded relationship tactic: the three-hour "we need to talk" talk. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the "Christmas With the Kranks" stocking, complete with genuine coal: Begin-ity: The other end of infinity. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Fester-day: The day after the day that you were too busy to take a shower. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

God-weiser: The King of Kings of Beers. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

Insan-el: Superman's uncle, the one nobody talks about. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Sim-lehem: The new Nativity-themed ride at Disney World. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Lust-buster: Curlers, a woolen dressing gown and a half-smoked cigarette stuck to the lower lip. (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)

Candi-hind: A sweet dish. (Tom Witte)

Gross-flict: Hit with a digitally propelled booger. (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Lust-sis: Sibling ribaldry. (Chris Doyle, Freeport, Bahamas)

Mo-lished: Put together; antonym of "demolished." (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Need-orable: Pathetic-looking enough to appear in a Sally Struthers commercial. (Kyle Hendrickson, Dunkirk)

Pain-ty: Underwear that's a size too small. (Fred S. Souk, Reston)

Act-weiser: A condescending drunk. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

Be-ble: The first take of Barbra Streisand's most famous song, made before she got over her cold. (Michelle Stupak)

Tac-lehem: A little trick that French fashion designers use before sending the model out on the runway.

(Dave Prevar)

Tilt-ville: Setting for the rock opera "Tommy." (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Under-nosed: Being kissed up to. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Begin-sanity: What a lot of people are hoping for on Jan. 20, 2009. (Michelle Stupak)

Screw-ple: A moral or ethical restraint that you're willing to overlook if it helps you get her into bed. (Brendan Beary)

Be-mered: Run over by a yuppie. (Jeff Brechlin)

Kiss-mas: A bussman's holiday. (Chris Doyle)

Bud-able: A prepackaged combination of beer and pretzels. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Cov-bort: To decide not to hit on thy neighbor's wife. (Ned Bent)

Bud-Bout: The new beer commercial premiering during the NBA All- Star Game. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Lie-atollahs: A crock of Shiites. (Chris Doyle)

Can-gestion: When cranberry sauce or tomato paste gets stuck coming out. (Kyle Hendrickson, Dunkirk)

Micro-rection: The leading explanation for the continued popularity of overpriced sports cars. (Niels Hoven, Berkeley, Calif.)

Cellu-cede: A tacky name for a discount sperm bank. (Veggo Larsen, Barboursville, Va.)

Sod-bath: Burial. "Well, Gramps lived a long life, but it was time for the ol' sod-bath." (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Christ-ington: The religious right really HAS taken over the government. (Beverly Miller, North Clarendon, Vt.)

Dub-ologues: Press conferences in which no questions are taken.

(Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

Sim-ble: A really stupid drummer. (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

Spread-ble: The press secretary's job description. (Michelle Stupak)

Circum-sliiiiiiiiiide: Malpractice at a bris. (Joe Neff, Oreland, Pa.)

Tex-onomy: An orderly classification of plants and animals, from the yellow rose to the longhorn. (Chris Doyle)

Crisp-itentiary: Death Row. (Bruce W.

Alter, Fairfax Station; Brendan Beary)

Dead-Dio: Nietzsche has finally been translated into Spanish.

(Dot Yufer, Newton, W. Va.)

He-mon: Member of the Jamaican weightlifting team. (Jeff Covel, Arlington)

Demo-stan: The new country that forms when the blue states secede. (Michelle Stupak)

Dream-void: A nocturnal omission. (Chris Doyle)

Flop-son: Edsel Ford. (Tom Witte)

Free-ture: The extra movie you sneak into after you've seen the one you paid for at the multiplex. (Michelle Stupak)

Gross-ority: The sweathogs of Sigma Chi. (Chris Doyle)

Ho-mestic: A prostitute who does windows. (Chris Doyle)

Micro-raq: A AA-cup. (Tom Witte)

Pa-nymous: When Ma doesn't know who the daddy is. (Cecil J. Clark, Arlington)

Pseu-dolph: The new-nose reindeer. (Tom Witte)

Demo-lay: Has sex ed in schools gone too far? (Michelle Stupak)

Unexpected-nuts: Wardrobe malfunction at men's gymnastic events. (Jeff Brechlin)

Vo-mittee: A work group that spews out report after report. (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

Invita-position: Just an idea for a really interesting contest. (Jack Cackler, Falls Church)

Won-tonpost.com: The Web site that leaves you wanting more news an hour later. (Chris Doyle)

And Last: Guan-ologues: The annals of the Style Invitational. (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)


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