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Copyright The Washington Post Company Dec 19, 2004

Sen-mo: How college students tend to sign letters to their parents.

Presi-cracy: The spending of political capital.

Bor-brew: Budweiser gets a new name.

One of the Invitational's most frequent contests was one in which readers combined the halves of any two words that were hyphenated in that day's paper. This contest, however, didn't adapt well to the 21st century, because readers of the Invitational on The Post's Web site never see a hyphen. So for this week's contest: Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it, as in the examples above. If the word has more than two syllables, the "beginning" or "end" can be as long as you like (short of the whole word), but it must break at an actual syllable break.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives -- just in time to be too late for Christmas -- a plush stocking sent by a studio hoping to gain publicity for "Christmas With the Kranks," the movie The Washington Post lovingly described as a "festering pile of celluloid." Inside this stocking we will add a genuine lump of anthracite coal.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 27. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Jan. 16. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland of Springfield, who also offered the idea for this week's contest.

Report from Week 585, in which we asked for parodies of holiday songs in which you gave some advice to our nation's leaders or the Loyal Opposition. There were far too many worthy songs than would fit in the paper, so be sure to check out Volume 2 of the Honorable Mentions at www.washingtonpost.com (just type "Style Invitational" in the search bar at the top of the home page), where there's also a Special Holiday Bonus -- a link to some genuine Style Invitational Losers attempting to warble a few of these songs into a microphone at this year's Loser Holiday Party.

{diam}Second runner-up: To "The Chipmunk Song"

Congress, Congress,

time is here,

Time for payback,

time for cheer.

We came through and helped you win.

Hurry now,

we're cashing in.

Want a justice

on the court,

One who won't

let them abort.

We can hardly

stand the wait,

So, Congress,

don't be late.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the door hanging made out of two straw hats:

To "Winter Wonderland"

We pledge death in elections!

We kill crooks with injections!

'Tis time that they go that mile down Death Row,

Here in Texas' Penitentiary.

They've used up their appeals,

Now we'll serve their last meals,

Because they did shoot, we'll execute,

Push the needle in for all to see.

Once upon a time we'd have some hangings,

Put ropes around their necks and drop them down,

Then we sat them in a chair and fried them,

Until the crooks were golden crispy brown.

Murderers get no pardon,

Governors, their hearts harden,

And then if we see another crime spree,

It's more shots in our penitentiary.

(Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: To "White Christmas"

Start dreaming of your wife's kisses. You have to be the perfect mate.

When you're chasing skirts, Bill, It only hurts Hil

For prez in two thousand and eight.

Start dreaming of your wife's kisses. Behave as if she's Mrs. Right.

May you kiss and hold her real tight. And may your next residence be White. (Barbara Sarshik, McLean)

{diam}Honorable Mentions

To "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Putin the Red knows tactics

He learned at the KGB.

Rigging Ukraine's election,

That's a covert specialty.

He's not for spreading freedom,

He just wants complete control.

Mr. Bush, one suggestion:

Look again into his soul.

(Harvey Smith, McLean)

To "Here We Come a-Wassailing"

Kerry, don't be waffling

while on the Senate floor,

Kerry, don't be flip-flopping,

or you'll get votes no more,

Why'd you have to concede?

You're the man that we need,

Please come back to be pres'dent

after four more painful years,

Please come back after

four more painful years.

(Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

To "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Iraqing around the GOP

at the Grand Old Party hop,

Needing an exit strategy

because the war won't stop.

Iraqing around the GOP

and rejecting the U.N.

Bringing Iraq democracy,

though we don't know how or when.

You will get a sentimental

feeling when we say,

"Sunni clerics, come see how we

Rig the voting for Allawi."

Iraqing around the GOP

while the war is far away.

Wondering why the whole world hates

The good . . . old . . . U . . . S . . . A!

(Barbara Sarshik)

To "Sleigh Ride"

They've got more ayatollahs

And way more mountains than sand,

What went wrong in Fallujah

Would go 10 times worse in Iran.

(Mark Young, Washington)

To "O Little Town of Bethlehem"

O little blue Northeastern state,

We fear you do us wrong;

Though we're the saved and you're

depraved,

We still should get along.

You godless sons of Sodom,

Your souls are damned, we know;

You'll burn in Hell, but please do tell

Why you resent us so.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

To "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"

God rest ye, Joseph Lieberman,

on every Sabbath day.

The voters will respect a man

who takes the time to pray.

But won't you please sing songs about

a one-horse open sleigh?

A small thing to comfort a goy,

comfort a goy,

A small thing to comfort a goy.

According to the latest polls,

the voters do agree

It's fine to chant in Hebrew

wearing your phylactery,

As long as you will also light

the White House Christmas tree.

A small thing to comfort a goy,

comfort a goy,

A small thing to comfort a goy.

(Barbara Sarshik)

To "We Three Kings of Orient Are"

We two queens of one common bed

Wish to marry before we are dead.

Please, oh Congress, right wing, nonetheless

Legally, let us wed. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

To "O Christmas Tree"

O FCC, O FCC,

How goshdarned moral must we be?

O FCC, O FCC,

Must we show naught but purity

To keep from getting fined big dough

When we go on a TV show?

O FCC, O FCC,

To [heck] with this insanity.

(Fred Souk, Reston)

More Honorable Mentions appear on www.washingtonpost.com.


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