week's contest is by Russell Beland.

Full Text (1181   words)
Copyright The Washington Post Company Dec 5, 2004

Out: Road rage. In: Rove rage.

Hard Sell: Stem cell research. Hard Cell: Martha Stewart's.

Books for Children: Lemony Snicket. Booked for Children: Michael Jackson.

Every Jan. 1, for decades now, The Post's Style section has presented readers with "The List," a helpful guide to What's In, What's Out. All right, maybe "helpful" isn't quite the right word, since the List-creation is usually assigned to the hippest, in-the- loopiest writers on the staff; currently the task falls to Hank Stuever, whose beat is essentially Alternative Lifestyles and Novel Musings. And so even What's Out tends to consist of items you hadn't known were In in the first place. (Actual example from the 2000 list: "Out: 10-10-321; In: 867-5309.")

This week's contest, suggested by the indefatigable Russell Beland of Springfield: Let's come up with a supplementary list -- to run Jan. 2, the day after the original. To avoid duplicating Hank's list, the Empress invites you to come up with other types of pairings as well as In/Out, as in the examples above. Unlike Mr. Stuever, you won't get ink if no one understands what you are talking about.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up receives a plastic egg full of genuine Jasmine-Scented Angel Snot{T}{M}, acquired by the Empress in the City of Angels, Seattle.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 13. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland.

Report from Week 583, in which you had to reinterpret a Post headline by writing a new "bank" headline or lead sentence: Funny but submitted by too many Losers were plays on Yasser Arafat Pronounced Dead in Paris (Coroner Uses Strange French Dialect) and Judge Cuts Foreman From Peterson Trial (Feared He Wanted to Grill Defendant). Some of the headlines below were also among many on a theme, but they had that spit-out-your-

coffee wording.

{diam}Third runner-up: Judge Says Detainees' Trials Are Unlawful 'From Now On, Just Shoot 'Em,' Court Advises (Donn Viviani, Berkeley, Calif.)

{diam}Second runner-up: In Suit, Va. Teen Accuses Schoolmates of Bullying

Sailor Outfit Was 'Special Gift From Mumsy' (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

{diam}First runner-up, winner of the promotional coconut:

Man on Terror Tape May Be Californian

Analysts Note Reference to Allah as 'Like, Most Excellently Primo'

(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker:

Compelling Body of Art

Simon Explains Real Reason for Reunion With Garfunkel (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

NASA Breaks Ground With Craft

Next Time, Agency Plans to Point Rocket Skyward (Mike Hammer, Arlington)

E. Roosevelt Returns to Form

Dems Feel Mix of Excitement, Revulsion at Reincarnation; Could She Win in 2008? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

You Haven't Lived Here if You Haven't . . .

And You Have Lived Here if You Have (Maja Keech, New Carrollton)

Stocks Continue to Rally

Resurgence in Puritan Justice Seen; Tar, Feathers Also Selling Well (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Serial Killing Case Develops

The Sharper Image is expanding its Specialty Professional Luggage line with a stain-

resistant model complete with a firearm compartment . . .

(Veggo Larsen, Barboursville, Va.)

Two Sides to the Story

Fox News Tries Radical Approach (Jane

Auerbach, Los Angeles)

Brown Will Be Out Until Dec.

Charcoal, Olive Are De Rigueur for Fall, Decree Fashionistas (Fred Dawson, Beltsville; Dave Zarrow)

Red Line Service Operating Normally

It's Business as Usual as Lenders Continue to Discriminate Against Urban Minorities (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Monkey Trials Show Promise for Men's Contraceptive

But Results Skewed by Men's Reluctance to Have Sex With Monkeys

(Howard Rubin, Falls Church)

Sharon's Reason to Mourn

Kennedy Junior High sources reported that Sharon McGillicuddy is still depressed that Travis Gallagher asked Sheila Goldstein to the homecoming dance. (Roy Ashley)

Should Roman Catholic Priests Be Allowed to Marry?

Traditionalists Insist They Try It With Women First (Steve Fahey, Kensington, and Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.; Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Anxiety Abounds for Mentally Ill Advocates

Law Firm of Manson, Dahmer & Son of Sam Off to Rough Start (Jay Reiziss, Poolesville)

U.S. Remains Unprepared

With Nationwide Formaldehyde Shortage, Funeral Industry Speeds Up Services (Andy Bassett, New Plymouth, New Zealand)

Spurrier Won't Coach Miami

'Hey, I Didn't Coach Washington Either, and They Paid Me Millions' (Robert Levin, Rockville)

For Virginia, Two Sides to Story

After 107 Years, N.Y. Sun Prints Clarification: There May or May Not Be a Santa Claus (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Homeless Animals Rescue Team

Redskins Improve After Gibbs Replaces Offense With 11 Feral Dogs (Brendan Beary)

Microsoft Placates Two Foes

'Only 5.9 Billion to Go,' Exec Estimates (Russell Beland)

Wizards Fall to Heat in Round 2

Next Bush Term Will Permit Burning of 'Satanic' Harry Potter Books (Michelle Stupak)

Bengals Work on Next Step

Now Unemployed, Siegfried & Roy's Tigers Put Together Dance Routine (Michelle Stupak)

Top Ten Films

Gummy Stovetop Residue, Oily Beach Perspiration Lead List (Peter Metrinko, Plymouth, Minn.)

Lending a Nourishing Hand

Martha Stewart effusively thanked Hannibal Lecter for the surprise gift she received this week, but said prison rules forbid her to keep it. (Peter Metrinko)

Tasers Approved for Commercial Flights

High Compliance Predicted for Stowing Tray Tables (Chris Doyle)

Get Your Mind Into the Gutter

Sewer Dwellers Aspire to a Better Life (Chris Doyle)

Indonesia Puts Travel Ban on Journalists

Extra Deodorant Deemed Necessary for Borneo Bus Trip (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)

A 51 Percent Mandate?

Dating Transsexuals Can Be Tricky (Kyle Hendrickson, Dunkirk)

Airlines to Test Drinking Water

In Trial Run, Evian to Replace Jack Daniel's in Cockpit (Steve Fahey)

WNO Is Ready to Reach for the Grand 'Ring'

Cell Phones in Opera House Will Be Immediately Confiscated (Brendan Beary)

Usher Sweeps American Music Awards

Popcorn Spill During Ceremony Quickly Cleaned Up (Danny Bravman)

Oh, What a Ball We Had

Diners' Rave Spurs Popularity of Prairie Oysters (Brendan Beary)

Taxpayers to Fund Brutality Award

Gala Planned to Honor Nominees for De Sade Prize (Maja Keech)

PeopleSoft Directors Reject Oracle's Offer

Board Stands Firm Despite Threatened 'Wrath of Zeus' (Brendan Beary)

'Commissions' for Detainees Ruled Invalid

Atty. Gen. Must Remain on Straight Salary (Chuck Smith)

Baggage Complaints Are Piling Up

"She won't throw out her ex's love letters, she's always accusing me of flirting with other chicks, we can't go ANYWHERE without her inviting her mom along . . . " (Mike Cisneros, Centreville)

Binding the Bird

New Moral Values Code Requires Taping Down of Middle Finger (Michelle Stupak)

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