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Copyright The Washington Post Company Oct 31, 2004

This week's contest, suggested by Russell Beland of Springfield, who nevertheless is the father of young children: Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. And yes, there are similar rhymes on the Web. We see them. Don't send them to us.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational Trophy. First runner-up wins a large souvenir plate depicting the many historic sights of the Town of Brunswick, N.Y. In the center is presumably the town coat of arms, which consists of an elaborate number 4.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 8. Put the week number in the subject line of your e- mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Nov. 28. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village.

{diam}Report from Week 578, in which you were asked to supply questions to "Jeopardy!"-type answers:

{diam}Third runner-up: Victoria's secret broccoli: What vegetable always has its florets

airbrushed out of the picture? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

{diam}Second runner-up: Wynken and Blynken but not Nod: What would be cute names for the children of Mandy Patinkin? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

{diam}First Runner-Up, winner of the beanbag donkey/elephant: Bill Clinton's right

ventricle: What, besides the Florida elections office, worked just well enough to prevent a Gore presidency? (Russell Beland, Springfield)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker:

Only on Wednesdays and alternate Mondays: What song finally became a hit when they changed the title to "Never on Sunday"? (Robert N. Levin, Rockville)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

The Plexiglass Ceiling

What did corporate America come up with to address the problem of "the glass ceiling" for female executives? (Wayne Rodgers, Fairfax Station; Jefferson Baker, Odenton)

What do they call the NHL salary cap? (Jason Mott, Waldorf)

What did Mrs. Braddock hit after learning that Benjamin did not invest in Dow

Chemical after all? (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

What continues to frustrate Shamu's sister? (Marc Leibert and Mike Denyszyn, New York)

Wynken and Blynken but not Nod

What actions do womyn find offensive? (Gary Patishnock, Laurel)

Which communities are west of Eden?

(Howard Walderman, Columbia)

Victoria's secret broccoli

What 150-year-old family recipe accounts for Queen Elizabeth's continued vigor but

extremely pinched expression?

(Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

What vegetable is loaded with Vitamins A, B, C, D and DD? (Tom Witte)

What did Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Rodan and Diva Zappa beg their dad not to name the new baby? (Jerry Ewing, Orlando)

What gets a rise out of your husband's jolly green giant? (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

What was the original title of "The Crying Game"? (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Only on Wednesdays and alternate

Mondays

When does John Kerry think that going into Iraq was the right decision?

(Ezra Deutsch-Feldman, Bethesda)

According to the deal with Orioles owner

Peter Angelos, how often will the D.C. team be playing at home? (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

"For greater convenience," when has my bank decided to be open? (Seth Brown)

What are the release dates for a Paris Hilton sex tape? (Reginald Jackson, Forestville)

What is an example of 24/11/2 ? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The Coveted Loser Muffler

What is a crumpled Loser T-shirt stuffed into a tailpipe? (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

What prize could Isadora Duncan have lived without? (Veggo Larsen, Charlottesville)

What is the next best thing after thy

neighbor's ass? (Cecil J. Clark, Arlington)

Fahrenheit 9.1

What is the temperature of Michael Moore's butt after the Secret Service strip-searches him in Flint on Election Day? (Joseph Romm, Washington)

When Karl Rove has a fever, at what

temperature does it peak? (Chuck Smith)

What German actor recently replaced

"Ricardo 81/2" as the world's highest-paid porn star? (Jerry Ewing; Stephen Dudzik)

What is the name of the new documentary exposing the incompetence of the Olympic gymnastics judges? (Andrea Kelly,

Brookeville; Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

What's showing on a double bill with "The Passion of the Chris"? (Mark Young,

Washington)

Math question: If the Wizards have won 67 regular-season games and four straight

playoff series to claim the NBA

Championship, what is the temperature in Hell? (Brendan Beary)

What movie was released internationally as "Celsius -12.72"? (Russell Beland)

Bill Clinton's right ventricle

What's the only "blue-blooded" part of our 42nd president? (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

What was Monica Lewinsky's favorite part of the president's throbbing organ? (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)

What kind of chamber is second dearest to Bill Clinton's heart? (Mary Ann Henningsen, Hayward, Calif.)

What did Hillary threaten to tear out after she learned about Monica? Oh, wait, you said VENTRicle . . . (Andrea Kelly)

What did Ken Starr want to mount on his wall, right next to the elk head? (Robert N. Levin; Rich Hoyland, Wellesley, Mass.)

What's the only context in which Bill O'Reilly would say, "Bill Clinton's right . . ."?

(Brendan Beary)

What's the new nickname for the Holland Tunnel at rush hour? (Judith Cottrill, New York)

What circulated THC, but didn't pump it into his bloodstream? (Marc Leibert)

Because she's not tall enough

How did Jessica Simpson explain why she flunked higher math? (Steve Fahey)

Why can't a woman be president?

(Jerry Ewing)

What's the real reason Ruth Bader Ginsburg chose the law over a career in beach

volleyball? (Roger and Pam Dalrymple,

Gettysburg, Pa.)

Why did Kobe Bryant's lawyer feel

uncomfortable hugging him after the

charges were dropped? (Tom Boyle, Laurel)

Cell phones that play the "Moonlight" Sonata

What aren't as annoying as cell phones that play babies crying? (Mike Connaghan,

Alexandria)

What really caused Beethoven to roll over? (Jack Cackler, Falls Church; Ken Gallant,

Little Rock; Judith Cottrill)

What will President Bush propose to replace grants from the National Endowment for the Arts? (Howard Walderman)

What is going to be the cause of the next Metro-related homicide? I'm not kidding, people. (Mark Young)

A 1995 Ford Escort and a Rolex Oyster

What's even cooler than a 1994 Ford Escort and a Rolex Oyster? (Ezra Deutsch-Feldman)

What tipped off the DEA agent that the guy driving in from Mexico might be hauling drugs? (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Name two expensive things that, nine years ago, made Gerald Ford very, very happy. (Mary Ann Henningsen, Stephen Dudzik)

If you used inanimate items to describe Bush's and Kerry's speaking styles in the first debate, which two would they be? (Becky Mejia, North Potomac)

What is left of Mike Tyson's estate? (G. Smith, Reston)

About as much as Alex Trebek's

mustache

How much hair does Sam Donaldson really have? (Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

How much will Ken Jennings have after the income tax kicks in? (Tom Smilack, Vienna)

How much WMD material was found by

inspectors after the Iraq invasion? (Pat Tansey, Vienna)

How effective is a shoe brush to scrape grime from a toilet bowl? (Dave Prevar,

Annapolis)


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