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Copyright The Washington Post Company Aug 8, 2004

Quayle the Veep sank fast and faster

Once a tater spelled disaster.

Wilbur Mills met his disgrace in

The shallows of the Tidal Basin.

Mayor Barry, at the Vista,

Was set up by a vengeful sista.

Mata Hari was the greatest of spies;

She learned many secrets by using her thighs.

This week's contest was suggested by Tom Ponton of Columbia, who lives on a street with such a silly name that it's amazing that any real estate is ever sold there. Tom recalls the rhymes he was taught as a schoolboy to remember historical events ("Back in 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue"; "Spain's armada, once so great, was sunk in 1588") and figured that the Losers could produce a much more colorful chronicle of couplets about some historical event. Of course you can. Like all decent doggerel, they must rhyme well and be in good meter, or the Empress will imperiously sail them smack into the Dustbin of Invitational History.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational Trophy. First runner-up wins the CD "Yodeling the Classics," by Mary Schneider, "Australia's Queen of Yodeling," donated with glee by Peter Metrinko of Plymouth, Minn. This incredibly fabulous disc features such gems as a full-out yodel of the "William Tell" Overture, complete with full orchestra. We can pretty much guarantee you have never heard anything like it.

Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T- shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 16. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 5. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.

The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland of Springfield.

Report from Week 566, in which we asked for Googlewhacks, two- word phrases that, when entered into the Google search engine, would produce one and only one Web site. The entries below were written three to four weeks ago, and some already have lost their one-hit- wonder status.

{diam} Third runner-up: One-hundred-fourteenth dimension: The lowest dimension that fits the rules of this contest -- until The Post puts these results on its Web page. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

{diam} Second runner-up: Tautologous Googlewhacking: Googlewhacking that is tautologous. (Mark Hagenau, Derry, N.H.)

{diam} First runner-up, the winner of the "Subliminal Persuasion" cassette tape to stop hair loss: Decimated triskaidekaphobia: Fear of the number 11.7. (Myra Snow, Clarksville)

{diam} And the winner of the Inker: Tapioca natatoriums: One way to slow down Michael Phelps. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

{diam} Honorable Mentions:

Abecedary fuehrer: Leader of a sect that believes that the Aryans are the penultimate master race, second only to the Aborigines. (Danny Bravman, Potomac)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious speechwriter: The staffer who convinced the president that "if you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious." (Carolee Eubanks, San Marcos, Calif.)

Vulcanized perambulator: A rubber baby buggy. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Homunculus telecommuter: The little man inside the Internet who delivers all the e-mail. (Liz Starin, New York)

Bootylicious Catullus: A tarted-up college humanities course trying to attract today's students. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Heft assizer: The airline employee who determines if you have to buy two airline tickets for yourself. (Peter Metrinko, Plymouth, Minn.)

Whisperliner panic: The sudden doubt that air passing over its wings could ever hold up the plane you're on. (Dan Dunn, Bethel, Conn.)

Iguanodon vacuuming: A liposuction procedure for very obese senior citizens. (Lee Gazlay, South Riding)

Knievel halberds: The axes of Evel. (Chris Doyle)

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis tourette: A rare disease where you never know what's going to come out of your lungs next. (Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station)

Hypodermic Zambonis: Botox injections. (Russell Beland)

Minimum-security vichyssoise: The first in a line of practical recipes in next month's Martha Stewart Living. (Brendan Beary)

Decontaminated lederhosen: What you pick up from the cleaners after an out-of-control "Sound of Music" karaoke session. (Jane Auerbach and David Eberlein, Los Angeles)

Norge panjandrum: A refrigerator magnate. (Chris Doyle)

Pleather scrapple: all the leftover parts of the pleather. (Mika Smith, Baltimore)

Paleontological tref: Jurassic pork. (Danny Bravman)

Clorox appreciativeness: Undyeing thanks. (Danny Bravman)

Evangelicals stir-frying: Just a closer wok with Thee. (Chris Doyle)

Nitwitted palindrome: Able was I ere I saw St. Helena. (Chris Doyle)

Terpsichorean cooties: What really closed Studio 54. (Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

Scatologic Betelgeuse: The mess left behind when a star turns into a nova. (Axel Brinck, Montreal)

Deviant broccoflower: At last, a vegetable even Mom tells you to avoid. (Jane Auerbach)

Cucaracha kerfuffle: Legal slang for a common tenant-landlord dispute. (Brendan Beary)

Braggartly coral: Boast reef. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Kerchoo waggles: The nose fidgets that precede a gigantic sneeze. (Richard Grantham, North Melbourne, Australia, and Chris Doyle) [This Googlewhack is an anagram of . . .]

Excrements Suzette: Pancakes that taste like crepe. (Russell Beland)

Gutless sumos: When you know the South Beach Diet has gone too far. (Peter Boice, Rockville)

Granitic bialy: Rock and roll. (Liz Starin, New York)

Sousaphone tribunals: A variation of tuba litigations. (Russell Beland)

Pedestrial Exsanguination: Latest release for the PlayStation 2: Tagline: "Mow 'em Down on the Sidewalk!" Points earned are determined by pedestrian's mobility and social standing. (Michael Lyons, New Albany, Ohio)

Figmental fjord: The gulf where Bush believes Saddam dumped those WMDs. (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

Defenestrational rock: The thing people who lived in glass houses wish they hadn't thrown. (Russell Beland)

Schmick Cheney: President Bush's super-secret code name for the veep. (Brendan Beary)

Triskaidekaphobic Broncos: Why Elway went for the two-point conversion after tying the game at 12. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Noiselessness sequoias: The answer to the tree-falling-in-the- woods conundrums. (Chris Doyle)


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