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Copyright The Washington Post Company Mar 28, 2004

If you feed into the Google translator "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party," and click on "English to French," you get:

Est maintenant l'heure pour tous les bons hommes de

venir a l'aide de leur partie.

And if you feed that into the translator and click on "French to English," you get:

Is now the hour for all the good men to come using their part.

This week's contest: Find us some comical translations-and-back using the Google translator (click on "Language Tools" on the Google.com home page). Feed some passage of English text into the tool -- 25 words max -- and ask it to translate it into one of the five languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool and ask it to translate that back to English. Warning: It's very important this week to come up with text that other contestants aren't likely to submit; if we get more than three identical entries of a passage, we won't use it. Obviously, you need the Internet for this contest. Those of you who don't have Internet

access get the week off; you can pull out your abacuses and finish your taxes.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational Trophy. First runner-up wins a "Today" show baseball cap hand-autographed by Katie Couric ("Good morning!" it says perkily).

Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T- shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries via e-mail to losers@washpost.com. Snail-mail entries are not accepted. Deadline is Monday, April 5. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or you risk being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 25. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Josh Borken of Bloomington, Minn. This week's contest was suggested more or less by Russell Beland of Springfield.

Report from Week 547, in which we asked for things that an existing brand name would be bad for: The Empress received 462 e- mails for this contest, many of which contained dozens of entries each, and almost all of which contained an entry suggesting that Microsoft would be a bad name for an erectile-dysfunction drug. Other entries too common to reward: Cheerios for a funeral home, Next Day Blinds for a laser eye surgery center, and Redskins for a football team. The category of laxatives really got you going, so to speak; the litany of bad names included Outback, Grey Poupon, Jiffy Lube, Chunky, Pump & Spray, Big Brownie Blast, Quicken and, but of course, IBM.

{diam}Fourth runner-up: Rolling Rock is a good name for a beer but a bad name for an

insurance company. (Jim Lyons, Arlington)

{diam}Third runner-up: The Chrysler Building is a good name for a skyscraper but a bad name for an SUV. (John Conti, Norfolk, Mass.)

{diam}Second runner-up: Antabuse is a good name for an alcoholism drug but a bad name for a magnifying glass. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the cuddly stuffed Athlete's Foot and Ulcer toys: Wachovia is a good name for a bank but a bad name for a cemetery.

(Michael Cisneros, Centreville)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Virgin Airways is okay as a name for an airline but not for a cigarette. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

BP is a good name for a gas company but a bad name for a honey company.

(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Renuzit is a good name for a room

deodorizer but a bad name for an acne treatment. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Nine Inch Nails is a good name for a rock group but a bad name for a proctology clinic. (J. F. Martin, Naples, Fla.)

Hi-C is a good name for a fruit drink but a bad name for a tutoring service.

(Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

Open Pit is a good name for a barbecue sauce but a bad name for a toilet bowl cleaner. (Ann Martin, Annapolis)

Wawa is a good name for a convenience store but a bad name for an

antidepressant.

(Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Iran is a good name for an Islamic

republic but a bad name for an infantry platoon. (Ted Einstein, Silver Spring)

Newman's Own is a good name for Paul Newman's brand of condiments, but it would not be a good name for his brand of condoms. (Russell Beland)

IHOP is a good name for a pancake shop but a bad name for a prosthetics

company.

(Larry Blue, Potomac; Tom Matthews,

Fairfax Station; Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

Ashburn is a good name for a town but a bad name for hemorrhoid ointment.

(Karen Tierney, Ashburn)

3-in-One is a good name for a household oil but a bad name for a religion.

(Mike Genz, La Plata)

Domino's is a good name for a pizza place but a bad name for a construction company. (Tiffany Getz, Manassas; Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Nordic Track is a good name for exercise equipment but a bad name for an

affirmative action program. (Larry

Phillips, Falls Church; Russell Beland)

Target is a good name for a retail store in America but a bad name for a retail store in Iraq. (Jeff Martin, Gaithersburg)

Chick-fil-A is a good name for a

fast-food outlet but not for O.J.

Simpson's next business venture.

(Tom Witte)

The Tinder Box is a good name for a

tobacco shop but a bad name for an apartment building.

(Dean Evangelista, Silver Spring)

Twinkies, HoHos and Ding Dongs are all good names for snack cakes, but not for WNBA teams. (Blythe Marshall, Annandale; Russell Beland)

Taco Bell is a good name for a Mexican restaurant but a bad name for a Mexican phone company. (Dave Ferry, Purvis, Miss.; Dudley Thompson, Raleigh, N.C.)

Snickers is a good name for a candy bar but a bad name for a support group.

(Briana Payne, Annapolis)

First Impressions is a good name for a dating service but not a bungee jumping center. (Russell Beland)

Ayds used to be a good name for a diet candy . . . (Paul Styrene, Olney)

Kaboom is a good name for a stain

remover but a bad name for a high-fiber cereal. (Kelly Wilson, Milwaukee)

The Library of Congress is probably too subtle to be a good name for an adult bookstore. (Russell Beland)

First Union is a good name for a bank but a bad name for a Boy Scout camp.

(Michael Fribush, Burtonsville)

Rent-A-Wreck is a good name for a used-car rental company but a bad name for an escort service.

(Marleen May, Rockville)

Boeing is a good name for an airplane company but not for a mattress

company.

(Peter Metrinko, Plymouth, Minn.)

The Foot Locker is a good name for a sports shoe store but a bad name for quick-drying cement.

(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Wanamaker is a good name for a

department store but a bad name for a dating service.

(Susan Thompson, Raleigh, N.C.)

Excalibur is a good name for a security company but a bad name for a tampon. (Jeff Brechlin)

Just Do It is a good slogan for Nike but a bad slogan for a suicide relief center. (Jeff Keenan, Severn)

Miracle Whip is a good name for a salad dressing, a bad name for Mel Gibson to use for movie tie-in toy merchandising. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon; Elden Carnahan)

Ram Cargo Van is a good name for a

vehicle but a bad name for a driving school. (Jeff Brechlin)

The Swimsuit Issue might be a good name for a week of Sports Illustrated, but it probably won't work for Hustler. (Russell Beland)

Air France is a good name for an airline but a bad name for a deodorant.

(Danny Bravman, Potomac)

Sizzler is a good name for a steakhouse but a bad name for a rectal

thermometer. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Stove Top Stuffing is a good name for stuffing that you cook on the stove, but not for a book on how to get the

romance back in your marriage.

(Russell Beland)

Kleenex may be a good name for a

tissue, but it's an excellent name for a divorce law firm. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)


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