Week 535 : Picture This


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Copyright The Washington Post Company Dec 7, 2003

This Week's Contest: Bob Staake has just learned some astonishing news. But since he is an artist, he is illiterate and can't tell you in words. So he is going to try to communicate through cartoons. Unfortunately, he is also a lousy cartoonist, so he isn't doing a very good job. Can you tell what news he is trying to pass on? Choose one or more. First-prize winner gets a pen belonging to The Czar of the Style Invitational. It says, "The Czar."

First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334- 4312 or by e-mail to U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 15. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Thos. Witte of Montgomery Village.

Report from Week 531, in which you were asked to take an inspirational statement and express it with cynicism. We were in love with this one, until we learned it was not original: "There is no 'I' in 'team,' but there is an 'eat me.' "

{diam}Second Runner-Up:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course, so does falling down a flight of stairs. (Richard Doty, Washington)

{diam}First Runner-Up:

You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many people who can fly. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

{diam}And the winner of the CD of the Bob Graham 2004 "Charisma Tour":

Never say die. I've tried, and it doesn't actually make people die. (Tom McCudden, Durham, N.C.)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability. (Donna Lewis, Vienna)

Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the Heimlich

maneuver may be more appropriate. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

While others complain that their

glasses are half empty, find joy in the fact that yours is half full. Just make sure it's twice as big as everyone else's glass. (Sebastian Hayman, Denver)

It takes a village to raise a child to hate all of the people in the next village. (Charles Star, New York)

Dare to dream the impossible. I mean, why not? Dreaming doesn't take any

effort. (Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Others see things as they are and

ask, "Why?" I see things that never were and ask, "Wow, where did you get this stuff?" (Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Keep your chin up -- the water's rising. (John Held, Fairfax)

Think globally, act like you care locally. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

The key to someone's heart is never lost: It's just that the locks were changed 'cause you're some sort of

psycho. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

You have to learn to crawl before you can grovel. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you're probably the executioner. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Each dawn brings us a fresh start,

because we never freakin' learn, do we? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince. But he probably isn't going to be interested in some

frog-kisser. (Amanda Richards, Palatine, Ill.)

Say not that honor is the child of

boldness, nor believe that the hazard of life alone can pay the price of it; it is not the action that is due, but to the manner of performing it. You got all that? Me neither. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Every failure is a step to success up a ladder that will eventually collapse

under the weight of all those failures. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

True beauty is on the inside, where no one will ever see it. (David Iscoe,


One person can make a difference, if that person is, like, Bill Gates or

whatzisname, the speaker of the House of Representatives. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Every dog has his day. Of course, his day consists of smelling other dogs' butts. (Mark Briscoe, Arlington)

Aspire to greatness. But remember that no one ever assassinated a refrigerator repairman. (Bird Waring, New York)

A high tide lifts all boats, except those with a big gaping hole in the bottom. (Bobby Welsh, Annandale)

There are none so blind as those who have been in an accident at a fertilizer factory. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

You can run but you can't hide, except apparently along the Afghan-Pakistani border. (Bob Wallace, Reston)

The early bird gets the worm. Of course, you can also get a worm by drinking a whole bottle of tequila. (Ben Schwalb,

Severna Park)

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