Week 528 : Ask Backwards


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Copyright The Washington Post Company Oct 19, 2003

Mary, Susan and Beyonce




Hamsters, Poi and that


Madonna kiss


"Big Pancreas" Santucci

Yasser Arafat but not Daffy Duck

Daffy Duck but not Ariel Sharon




Only People who are very skinny

Because you need the right


It's like a




A toaster

and Antonin

Scalia, but not a Reuben sandwich

This Week's Contest: You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? First-prize winner gets a 1976 vintage ceramic plate celebrating the splendors of the town of Brunswick, N.Y. (e.g., "The Old Soup House").

First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334- 4312 or by e-mail to U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 27. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills, Md.

Results from Week 524, in which you were asked to scramble the words of any book or movie, and come up with a new product. An extraordinary week; great entries, and in great numbers. Good ideas too popular to reward with prizes: Ferris Bueller's Off-Day (a boring movie); Mr. Washington Goes to Smith (the father of our country as a cross-dresser); The Rye in the Catcher (a documentary on alcoholism in sports), and The Wrath of Grapes (various vegetal revenge scenarios).

{diam}Sixth Runner-Up: The Brief Pelican: Impressed with the success of the Aflac Duck, the Hanes underwear company signs a new mascot. (Gene McMath, Reston)

{diam}Fifth Runner-Up: Kampf Mein: And other German-Chinese recipes.

(Bob Wallace, Reston)

{diam}Fourth Runner-Up: "Space A: 2001 Odyssey": Student filmmakers park a two-year-old Honda minivan in Daniel Snyder's reserved spot at FedEx Field and recount the action as it unfolds. (Malcolm Fleschner, San Mateo, Calif.)

{diam}Third Runner-Up: "You Are 54: Where Car?": A senior moment strikes

in a parking garage.

(Julie Thomas and Will Cramer, Herndon; Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

{diam}Second Runner-Up: "French the Lieutenant's Woman": The enlisted man's guide to courts-martial. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

{diam}First Runner-Up: "Who the Man Shot Liberty Valance?": In this sequel, Superfly Valance arrives from Chicago to avenge his brother's death.

(Tom Kreitzberg, Silver Spring)

{diam}And the winner of the log containing a diorama containing a plastic fawn:

"What? Did Daddy Do You in the War?" A young girl learns of her father's

overseas affair when a Korean woman comes looking for him.

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

Love Thing: A Many-Splendored "Is" : Bill Clinton's guide through the pitfalls of romance and semantics. (Mary Ann Hennigsen, Hayward, Calif.)

Dogs' Reservoir: Documentary on house pets and their fascination with drinking from the toilet. (Kevin Doherty, Manassas Park)

Heat Body: Episode 1 in the suspenseful trilogy "Reviving Ted Williams." Coming soon: "Episode 2: Attach Head." (Jeff Kraus, Ashburn)

The Red Man with One Shoe: The story of Nikita Khruschchev. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

OK Gunfight at the Corral: One thumb up for this B-movie western. (Tom

Kreitzberg, Silver Spring)

Enemy Behind-Lines: A workout book to eliminate butt wrinkles. (Tom Witte,


Asphalt the Jungle: Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi" becomes a feature

film. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Powers of Austin Man: International Mystery: How the governor of Texas

became president of the United States. (Brian Lochrie and Jennie Reiff,

Lake Forest, Calif.)

Private-Saving Ryan: The touching story of a man who decided to wait till

marriage. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Ted's Excellent Bill and Adventure: A day in the life of a senator from Massachusetts who passes an important piece of legislation AND scores with an intern. (Art Grinath,

Takoma Park)

Wrong! She Done HIM! : A Clinton apologist reviews the Monica affair.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

F.J.K. : In this documentary, disappointed Harry Potter fans complain

about the author. (David Vacca,


You Were Always Afraid to Know About Everything to Ask, But Wanted Sex: A teenage angst coming-of-age sequel. (William Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

Out? No Way! : A biopic on the life of Rock Hudson. (Glen Crawford,


From Dawn Till Dusk: The most boring vampire picture ever. (Steven J. Allen,


Dalmatians 101: Everything you wanted to know about these fascinating dogs. In black and white. (Marcia Asquith,


The Lightness of Being Unbearable: The Richard Simmons story. (Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church)

The Virtues of Book: Bill Bennett's guide to Vegas gambling. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

The Man Who Mistook His Hat for a Wife: The sequel to "Portnoy's

Complaint." (Jonathan Kaye, Washington)

Big Wedding, My Fat Greek!: The behind-the-scenes story of Jackie's

ultimatum to Onassis. (Judith Cottrill, New York)

The Titanic Raise: Dick Grasso's guide to negotiating your salary.

(Carl Northrop, Fairfax)

Life: It's a-Wonderful: The Lawrence Welk Story. (Joe Cackler, Falls


Stupid With I.M.: A sociological study on how computer chatting is

ruining our children's minds.

(Kelli Midgley-Biggs, Columbia)

She-Him Done Wrong: The true story of a botched sex change operation.

(Steven L. Harris, Mountain View, Calif. )

Pizza Mystic: It's the mushrooms.

(Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Red! Blue! One, two . . . Fish Fish Fish Fish!: The complete guide to

understanding quarterbacks' audibles. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Phantom Wars Episode Menace the One-Star: A brigadier general tries to

avoid becoming the scapegoat for America's failure to find the weapons of

mass destruction. (David Vacca,


The Earnest Being of Importance: John Ashcroft's life and times. (Jeff

Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

The Too Much Man: Who Knew! A jockey continually surprises his dates.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Black at Bad Rock Day: A young African American tries to make sense of

Ozzfest 2003. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Can Me If You Catch: Charlie the Tuna taunts the Old Man in the Sea. (Nick and Chris Sibilla, Reston; Michael Gips, Bethesda)

Left? My Foot! The Democratic presidential candidates squabble over who's the most liberal. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Escape From the Apes of the Planet: A single gal struggles with the dating scene. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Blue Devil in a Dress: High jinks ensue when the Duke basketball team

fields a transvestite power forward. (David Vacca, Washington)

Bride of the Father: The unauthorized biography of Soon-Yi Previn.

(Larry Cynkin, Kensington)

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