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Week 525 : It Won't Belong Now


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Copyright The Washington Post Company Sep 28, 2003

This Week's Contest: Choose any straight row -- vertical, horizontal or diagonal -- and tell us which of the three cartoons does not belong, and why. First-prize winner gets one of the lamest marketing gimmicks we have ever seen: a board game based upon a new deodorant. Essence the board game promises to help you "discover your essence," which is "the good and the bad in guys that women find irresistible." Essence the deodorant, however, "helps guys smell great all over."

First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334- 4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 6. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland of Springfield.

Report from Week 521, in which you were asked to take the first part of a hyphenated word in a newspaper story and combine it with the second half of a different word, and define the new word.

{diam}Fourth Runner-Up: Cre-tinguished: Remarkably accomplished, for an idiot.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

{diam}Third Runner-Up: Piscat-alyst: Beer. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

{diam}Second-Runner-Up: Short-zenegger: A man of small stature who compensates through weightlifting. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

{diam}First Runner-Up: Mex-ecution: Getting refried in the electric chair.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

{diam}And the winner of the George W. Bush squeak toy:

Up-Johnson: Eponymous new product developed by Pfizer's main competitor, to compete with Viagra. (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

Degen-ifer: To rid oneself of a bimbo one has seduced.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Pre-ballistic: The period between the admission of marital infidelity and the first mention of her sister.

(Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Curb-cide: The act of attempting to kill oneself by jumping off sidewalk into gutter; tends not to be greatly effective. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Dis-sissippi: What Alabamians do because there's no one else to feel better than. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Grum-pany: Friends who come over just to gripe. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Pene-signed: Spelled one's name in the snow. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

La-tween: Where Tweety goes after too much coffee. (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Victo-but: The war in Iraq.

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Half-aster: A weak Nor'easter.

(Milo Sauer, Faifax)

Score-taneous: Very, very friendly.

(Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Psychedel-alistic: Really boring

hallucinations.

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Eco-lion: King of the jungle, tundra, taiga, savanna, deciduous forest, mangrove, coral reef, riparian zones, littoral zones and xeric shrublands. (Chris Said, Baltimore)

Kirk-state: Describing one who . . . speaks . . . in a halting . . . overwrought . . . fashion. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Illegal-and-a-half: Something you can claim is "not 100 percent illegal." (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Paprika-strawberry: Only flavor worse than Clamato. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Absolute-tually: Certain to occur,

someday. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Empower-ball: Special feminist Lotto. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Hip-fiving: Doing the bump.

(Paul Hayes, Sydney, Australia)

Don't-not: Do. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Wee-quarters: The men's room.

(Marc Leibert, New York)

En-dustry: The mortuary business.

(Tom Kreitzberg, Silver Spring)

48-year-hour: The hour it takes to get your results from a pregnancy test. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Burp-proach: A very ineffective

strategy for picking up women in bars. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Burp-mas: Thanksgiving.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Fig-body: One who would look great dressed in a leaf.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Quarter-quarterback: A sixteenthback, e.g., Danny Wuerffel.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Bar-skrit: An indecipherable message written on a cocktail napkin.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Perspira-entele: Customers at a spa. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Okla-homer: A proud Sooner alumnus. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Sis-lywed: A West Virginia bride.

(Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church)

Smack-doleezza: Trash talk done in the name of national security.

(Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church)

Be-lemmas: Existential questions.

(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Refus-sylvania: State of denial.

(Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Har-bombs: Exploding cigars.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Illi-tio: Oral sex, performed in Georgia. (Jacke Blandford, Rockville)


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