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Week 522 : Being There


week's contest is by Chris Doyle of Forsyth, Mo.

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Copyright The Washington Post Company Sep 7, 2003

This Week's Contest was suggested by Hank Wallace of Washington: Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web- arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things. (Recent D.C. example: Seventy-five strangers met at a bookstore, went to the magazine rack and began reading aloud to each other.) First-prize winner gets an elaborate Jackie Chan action figure that was distributed to the media by Tri-Star Pictures in the hope of good publicity for Jackie's new film, "The Medallion," which is, we have been informed, crap.

First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334- 4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 15. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Chris Doyle of Forsyth, Mo.

Report from Week 518, in which you were asked to complete the phrase "You know it's time to ---- when ------."

{diam}Second Runner-Up: You know it's time to think of another excuse when the dog actually eats your homework. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

{diam}First Runner-Up: You know it's time to quit drinking when your clothes are constantly chalky from outlines drawn by the smart- aleck neighborhood kids.

(Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

{diam}And the winner of the coupons from Canadian Tire:

You know it's time to feel good about yourself when, in a contest of arbitrary rules, one group of strangers whom you probably wouldn't like very much if you actually knew them defeated another group of strangers employed by a corporation from a city geographically farther from your home than the corporation employing the first group of strangers. Yep, that really validates your existence.

(Mike Connaghan, Alexandria)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

You know it's time to get that toothache looked at when your diet consists of Cheez Whiz and poi.

(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

You know it's time to get a new financial adviser when your first $300 million doesn't last you through your thirties. (M. Tyson, Bethesda)

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

You know it's time to buy your wife a $4 million ring when the best explanation you have is that it wasn't a felony, it was just a cheap sex act in a hotel room. (Josh Borken, Bloomington, Minn.)

You know it's time to stop doing Mad Libs when crotchety howitzers bounce over your skanky pandemonium.

(Mark Young, Washington)

You know it's time to cut back on the gambling when the casino owner says, "Maybe you should take a break."

(Mark Young, Washington)

You know it's finally time to move out of your parents' home when you start sharing the denture cream. (Rebecca Wolfinger and Donn Viviani, Arlington)

You know it's time to change the battery in the smoke detector when J. Lo gets married again. (April M. Musser, Arlington)

You know it's time to get off the 'Net when you start counting the Orbitz games as exercise.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

You know it's time to clean the fridge when something says "Turn off the light!" every time you open the door. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

You know it's time to cut down on coffee when you can hear the dog-whistle.

(Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

You know it's time to downsize when you have more toilets than people in your house. (Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

You know it's time to tell Vinnie who ratted him out when he drives you to the East River in a cement truck.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

You know it's time to get a prenup when your fiancee reads your investment statements to get herself "in the mood." (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

You know it's time to legally change your name every time you try to get on an airplane. (O.B. Laden, Leesburg, Va.) (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

You know it's time to sell your biotech stock when it falls below 60, without any advance knowledge of any impending FDA announcements.

(M. Stewart, New York)

(Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)

You know it's time to wash the sheets when the dog insists on sleeping on the floor. (Audrey Liebross, Annandale)

You know it's time to stage a big comeback when the statute of limitations runs out. (J. Hoffa, no fixed address) (Russell Beland, Springfield)

You know it's time to change your bank when they ask you for change for a five. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

You know it's time to get a life when you think nothing of spending 16 hours to win $6 worth of new-tire coupons redeemable only in Canada.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills; Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)

You know, it's time to start reading the contest rules more closely.

(Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)


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