Week 377 (XLIV) : Week MMDCXLIV

Full Text (732   words)
Copyright The Washington Post Company Nov 26, 2000

Gillette Announces New 17-Blade Razor

George Z. Bush to Run for President

17th Nobel Prize Awarded for Mideast Peace Efforts

This week's contest was suggested by Marvin Elster of Gaithersburg. Marvin proposes that you provide a headline (and, if necessary, the first line of the text) for any article that will appear in the Washington Post on this day in the year 2050. First- prize winner gets a genuine Hershey's Kiss{reg} hat, which transforms one's head into a giant Hershey's Kiss{reg} and provides valuable aluminum-foil protection from brain-control X-ray beams. This is worth $20.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. The Uncle's Pick wins the shockingly ugly "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to, or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week XLIV, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 4. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and a daytime or evening telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Editors reserve the right to edit entries for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.

REPORT FROM WEEK XL, in which we asked you to design the back of the new Style Invitational T-shirt. But first, some unfinished business. Elsewhere on this page we reprint the results of a recent contest where we prohibited frequent winners from entering under their own names. It was an experiment to determine if the same names keep appearing as winners because 1) these are the funniest people out there, or 2) because we play favorites. We had no idea which of the 1,300 entries were real and which were ringers until pseudonymous authors contacted us afterward with proof. Check out the results, as corrected.

Also, we would like to acknowledge receipt of some entries by Jan Verrey of Alexandria, a Style Invitational veteran who was in the hospital, and too weak to write. Still, in a desperate effort to win the T-shirt that has so far been denied her, Jan whispered her entries to another person, who typed them up and e-mailed them in. They were quite good, but, gosh darn it, not quite good enough. Try again, Jan!

And now, the T-shirts. The winner goes on back of the shirt. The front of the shirt looks like this:

* Fourth Runner-Up: Like a Rock.

Only Dumber.

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

* Third Runner-Up:

(John Kammer, Herndon)

* Second Runner-Up:

(Russ Beland,


* First Runner-Up: Don't Blame Me.

I Voted for Buchanan and Gore.

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

* And the winner of the history of Firestone:

(Mike Elliot, Oberlin, Ohio)

* Honorable Mentions:

Fine, I'm a Loser. Now get off my back. (Barbara Sullivan, Potomac)

I Stink, Therefore I Lose. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Who Let the Doggerel Out? (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Visualize Whirled Feces. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Style Invitational Staf (Tom Witte,


If You Can't Read This, Spank a Teacher. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Stinking Outside the Box. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Out-of-Potty Experience. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington) (Jennifer Hart,


Commit Random Acts of

Senselessness. (Chris Doyle, Rockville)

Purveyors of Fine Gallows Humor Since 1993. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

If you see this shirt being worn in an unsafe manner, fax 202-334- 4312. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Made in Equatorial Gineau. (Philip Avigan, Silver Spring)

I'm Stupid and This Other Person Is With Me. (Joe Kobylski, Vienna)

The Uncle Doesn't Love Me. (Katharine M. Butterfield, Potomac)

Mall Security (Amanda Temple,


Notice: Do Not Resuscitate. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

I Hang With Losers. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

I Ink I Can, I Ink I Can. (Phyllis Kepner, Columbia)

Don't Quit . . . Fail! (Jennifer Hart,


Never say "Uncle." (Robin D. Grove, Pasadena, Md.)

* The Uncle's Pick:

Note: Do Not Attempt Feat on Front Without Proper Supervision.

(Russ Beland, Springfield)

The Uncle Explains:

Fun is fun, but safety's number one. I am also sending poor Ms. Verrey a shirt.

Next Week: Express Yourself


 More Like This - Find similar documents
Document types: COLUMN;
Language: English
Publication title: The Washington Post

^ Back to Top Back to Results < Previous  Document 262 of 657  Next > Publisher Information  
Print     Email Mark Document Abstract AbstractFull Text Full Text
Copyright 2005 ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights reserved. Terms and Conditions
Text-only interface
Library of Congress

From ProQuest Company Library of Congress