Week 372 (XXXIX) : Trial Balloons

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Copyright The Washington Post Company Oct 22, 2000

Fill in the balloons. Do one or more. First-prize winner gets a pair of vintage presidential bumper stickers, one for Wilbur Mills and the other for Carter/Mondale. These are worth $20.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-Shirt. The Uncle's Pick wins the yet-to-be designed but soon-to-be- coveted "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to, or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week XXXIX, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, Oct. 30. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and a daytime or evening telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Editors reserve the right to edit entries for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.

REPORT FROM WEEK XXXV, in which we asked you to create a new word from any two hyphenated words in the same article.

* Fifth Runner Up: Flush-buster--Any object unwisely disposed of in a toilet, such as a dead mastiff. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

* Fourth Runner-Up: Jew-crets--Chicken-soup-flavored throat lozenges.

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

* Third Runner-Up: Diplo-ney--Insincere exchanges of friendship between foreign officials. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

* Second Runner-Up: Half-wife--The time it takes for half your spouse's looks to decay. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

* First Runner-Up: Pros-ture--The way a man must position himself for a date with The Finger. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

* And the winner of the campaign brochure:

Neigh-der--A dark-horse presidential candidate. (Chris Doyle, Burke)

* Honorable Mentions:

Mu-cussion--A temporary loss of consciousness due to strenuous nose-blowing. (Chris Doyle, Burke)

Report-lican--Any staff writer for the Washington Times. (Russ Beland,


Des-nity--How W pronounces

"destiny." (Judy Trimarchi, Vienna)

Unceremo-ment--Any event that lacks proper formality, such as learning of your raise by looking at your pay stub. (Russ

Beland, Springfield)

Intravenous-pies--Dessert for very seriously ill people. (Dave Zarrow,


Stud-oretical--Describes the type of reasoning in which one speculates about all the dates he would have if only he were muscular and good-looking. (James

Winebrake, Harrisonburg)

Hick-tocracies--The governments of West Virginia, Arkansas, etc. (Phyllis Kepner, Columbia)

Extrava-livered--Capable of imbibing vast quantities of alcohol. (Chris Doyle, Burke)

Extramar-nopoly--Milton Bradley's venture into X-rated games. (Phyllis

Kepner, Columbia)

Tur-do--A really bad haircut.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Gin-lationships--Dates made immediately following last call. (Nancy

Rosenberg, Springfield)

Ghet-timore--Just two miles from Camden Yards. (James Pierce,


Scen-tre d'--That guy who sells cologne in the men's room. (Tom Witte,


Strip-gun--For when X-Ray Specs just aren't good enough. (Dave Zarrow,


Bum-migration--The seasonal movement of homeless people to warm climates. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Crack-pin--A fastener to hold up a plumber's pants. (Chris Doyle, Burke)

Elimi-phouet-Boigny--I am not sure what it is, but it sounds really bad. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Tick-town--Lyme, Conn. (Chris Doyle, Burke)

End-ville--A cemetery where beatniks

and jazz musicians are buried.

(Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

Soon-mail--A classification being considered by the beleaguered U.S. Postal Service. (Ray Ratajczak, Arbutus)

Harley-tomatic--A motorcycle for wusses. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Jeopar-gin--Moonshine. (Tom Witte,


Bar-trict--Got suckered into a bar bet. ("I'll bet you $50 I can bite my own eye.")

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Malfunc-juries--O.J. had one of these. (Chris Doyle, Burke)

Por-nancial--Involving obscene amounts of money. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Morn-ry--How people feel before their first cup of coffee. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Pun-free--Living a bleak and joyless existence. (Mike Genz, La Plata)

Suc-stitute--An undesirable substitute, such as a cold shower for sex. (Sandra Hull, Arlington; Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

Pub-ple--The color of a nose inflamed

by drink. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Crit-mains--Road kill. (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

Din-hibitions--The fear of being too loud while having sex. (Jennifer Hart,


No-ware--A failed dot-com. (Stu

Solomon, Springfield)

Cincin-sin--Fun, fun, fun. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

As-pionage--Describes the use of a toilet-cam. (James Pierce, Charlottesville)

Cad-lands--Hotel bars. (Tom Witte,


Is-tortion--What President Clinton did before the grand jury. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

* The Uncle's Pick:

Ad-day--The unniest-fay an-may in the

ontest-cay. (Zack and Adam Beland, pringfield)

The Uncle Explains:

This is eartwarming-hay.

Next Week: Punch Us


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