Week 344 (XI) : What Kind of Foal Am I

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Copyright The Washington Post Company Apr 9, 2000

Breed Dubai Two Thousand with Prized Son and name the foal Dubya Two Thousand

Breed Land with Alison's Trick and name the foal Land Ho

Breed Tux with Yax and name the foal Dinner Speaker

This Week's Contest was proposed by one Mike "Mikey the Tout" Hammer of Arlington, who shows up once a year for this express purpose; his contest invariably produces a pathological hemorrhage of entries--hundreds and hundreds of them--from one Mary Lee Fox Roe of Mount Kisco, N.Y., who also shows up once a year for this express purpose. It occurs to us that this strange seasonal coupling may not be coincidence. Why not just give the lady a call, Mikey? The contest, as always, is to envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. (The horses' names appear elsewhere on this page.) Ignore the actual genders of the horses, if you happen to know them. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces, as per thoroughbred racing rules. First-prize winner gets a handsome commemorative plate featuring a photograph of Bill Clinton surrounded by smaller portraits of all previous presidents--a grand and glorious celebration of the American presidency, and of America herself. It was made in Japan. It's worth $20.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-Shirt. The Uncle's Pick wins the yet-to-be-designed but soon-to-be- coveted "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to, or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week XI, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, April 17. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and a daytime or evening telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the message field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Editors reserve the right to edit entries for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.

REPORT FROM WEEK VII, in which we printed 12 "Jeopardy!" answers, and asked you to supply the questions.

* Seventh Runner-Up:

Answer: Snap, Crackle and Plop. Question: Who are the cartoon characters who promote that new cereal, Prune Krispies? (Joseph Romm, Washington)

* Sixth Runner-Up:

Answer: Maybe Bill Bradley, but Definitely Not Confucius. Question: Who said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step, though more than two steps without a dribble creates a turnover"?

(Howard Walderman, Columbia)

* Fifth Runner-Up:

Answer: Lucy in the Sky With Diapers. Question: What is on the flip side of "All You Need Is Luvs"? (Jean Sorensen, Herndon; Chris Doyle, Burke)

* Fourth Runner-Up:

Answer: Snap, Crackle and Plop.

Question: What sounds does a bear make in the woods? (Larry Blue, Gaithersburg)

* Third Runner-Up:

Answer: I NY. Question: How would you

represent the motto of New Jersey, "I Abut New York"? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

* Second Runner-Up:

Answer: A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and Dow. Question: What are three things, only one of which is pleasant when it comes back up? (Ben Noviello, Fairfax)

* First Runner-Up:

Answer: Rick, but Most Definitely Not Darva, Rockwell. Question: During the "honeymoon," who had intimate relations with a

multi-millionaire? (Melissa Yorks and Joe

Bangiolo, Gaithersburg)

* And the winner of the Libyan wall hangngs:

Answer: Lucy in the Sky With Diapers.

Question: What song actually does contain the lyric "The girl with colitis goes by"? (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Honorable Mentions:

A Loaf of Bread, a Jug of Wine, and Dow

How was Omar Khayyam able to afford that ruby yacht, anyhow?(Joseph Romm, Washington)

What are da tree best tings about a picnic? (Vance Garnett, Washington)

What are three things that are loaded with

chemicals? (Barry Blyveis, Columbia; Stephen Dudzik,

Silver Spring)

What is a famous line from the Rubaiyat of

Victor Kiam? (Chris Doyle, Burke; Dan Olson, Fairfax)

Hint: It doesn't require a Degree in Physics.

How do you become a professor of physics at Bob Jones University? (Sandra Hull, Arlington; Howard Walderman, Columbia; Barry Blyveis,


What did you need to be a contestant on

"Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?"

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Lucy in the Sky With Diapers

What is a really, really bad guess in the game of "Clue"? (David Genser, Arlington)

What was a hit on the Beatles' Brown Album?

(Bob Sorensen, Herndon)

What was the biggest hit for the obscure

musical group the Dung Beetles?

(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

What is the only song on which the Beatles sang scat? (Bob Dalton, Arlington)

Snap, Crackle and Plop

What is the sound of a cereal killing? (David Genser, Arlington)

Gimme an I! Gimme an R! Gimme an S!

What are the last three lines of the fight song of the Chevy Chase Pinot Noirs? (Tom Witte,


What do some really sadistic auditors require of taxpayers before they write up their final reports? (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

How does a speed junkie play "Wheel of

Fortune"? (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What cheer is used in a college football game to unnerve an opposing quarterback who is about to sign a multimillion-dollar pro

contract? (David Genser, Arlington)

Because John McCain Refused

How many non sequiturs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Biddy-Bum, Biddy-Bum, Biddy-Fupp-Fupp-Fupp

What would Tevye do all day long if he were a wealthy man with gas? (Jonathan Paul,

Garrett Park)

What is the sound of an old woman falling down the stairs and then getting caught in an exhaust fan? (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

What do you hear when Bill Bradley puts a

microphone to his chest? (Jennifer Hart,


How would a rundown play be scored when your infield consists of an old lady, a street person and the Fupp brothers? (Michael J. Hammer, Arlington)

What = Biddy(2Bum Fupp{3})? (David Genser, Arlington)


How are The Post's new presses doing? Give an example. (Mike Genz, La Plata)

What slogan reads, "I'm Nuts About NY"?

(Michael J. Hammer, Arlington)

Only When You Need to Throw Up

When will you fail to find an airsickness bag

located in the seat pocket in front of you? (Martin Bredeck, Community, Va.; Mike Genz, La Plata)

According to The Idiot's Guide to Bulimia, when should you eat the most important meal of the day?(John Kammer, Herndon)

When should you be on your knees in a public

bathroom stall? (Joe Morse, Burke)

When do cell phone users believe it is

appropriate to pull over to the side of the road?(Andrea Doherty, Washington)

The Uncle's Pick:

Answer: Because John McCain refused

Question: Why didn't John McCain "go

negative" against George Bush?

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

(The Uncle Explains: Indeed. A point well made. Sometimes, the winner of an election is not the best human being; sometimes, in fact, the LOSER of an election, whether it be for national office or merely a columnist's job at a newspaper, demonstrates over time that he is the person of higher moral fiber who refuses to wallow in negativity, prurience and smirking double-entendre, or otherwise pander to the basest public tastes, even at the cost of a job he

really, really wanted.)

Next Week: What's in a Name?


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