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  The Style Invitational
Week 332: Authors in Search of a Character

Sunday, July 25, 1999

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  • Third Runner-up: Anyone who shakes his hand is compelled to be forthright and truthful for 24 hours. Diogenes wreaks havoc throughout Washington by introducing himself to a notable person, and stepping back to watch the fun. (Craig McGowan, Liverpool, N.Y.)

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  • Second Runner-up: A modern-day Johnny Appleseed, this grizzled old mountain man roams the streets of Washington and fills potholes from a sack of gravel on his back. Recurring characters include Ethylene, a social worker; Officer Poop, a cop who wants to catch Pete in the act; Ma Hart, a homeless woman; many drivers with road rage; and Cluckie, a gravel-eating chicken. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

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  • First Runner-up: Ghosts of all the presidents wander the nation's capital and react to current events, tourists, modern pols, modern dating habits, etc. (Michael Reinemer, Arlington; Paul Styrene, Olney)

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  • And the winner of the inflatable sheep: Based on the infamous, possibly apocryphal cyber cad said to have brushed off a prospective date via a smug e-mail, this is the story of a complete louse let loose in Washington. A government attorney, he is handsome, ambitious, immature, ruthless, misogynistic, astonishingly insensitive . . . and curiously charming. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel; Joyce Rains, Bethesda)

    This Week's Contest, like last week's, requires you to submit your entries via fax or e-mail by noon Tuesday; snail mail entries must arrive on or before Wednesday. Above are the four winning entries from last week, in which we asked you to come up with characters for a new daily comic strip based in Washington. Your aim this week is to come up with a three- or four-panel cartoon about one of these characters. You don't have to draw the strip, merely describe the action and dialogue. (You may submit multiple entries, but you may not combine any of these characters into a single cartoon.) The winner will be announced next week, and will become the basis for a new contest. First-prize winner gets the spiffy new Edwin "Edwin" Aldrin G.I. Joe doll, by Hasbro, featuring a likeness of the first really dorky looking man to step on the moon. This is worth $50.

    First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 332, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via e-mail to this address: losers@washpost.com. E-mail users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Dire Encoded Warning That Still No One Heeds, Asleep as They Are in Their Beds, Unsuspecting, Living, Loving, Going On as Usual, was written by Alvin O. Marchonos of St. Petersburg, Fla. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.


    Report from week 329, in which you were asked to find hidden messages in the names and titles of famous people or institutions. The best were the simplest. In order to obtain usable successions of letters, some entrants resorted to ridiculous contrivances, such as "Washington Mystics Roundball Player, Jordan-Like Chamique Holdsclaw." Such entries won nothing but our contempt.

  • Fifth Runner-Up: Hillary Rodham Clinton, First lady - Haha, N.Y. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

  • Fourth Runner-Up: William Jefferson Clinton, President - I am so into sin. (Barbara Gordon, Highland)

  • Third Runner-Up: Russian President Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin - Is drink, yes? (Shelby Sadler, Rockville)

  • Second Runner-Up: Slobodan Milosevic - Soon, I lose. (Chris Doyle, Rockville)

  • First Runner-Up: Victoria's Secret Catalogues - I see ta-tas. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

    And the winner of the Elvis cologne:

    Immigration and Naturalization Service - Adios. (Russ and Chrissy Haynes, Silver Spring)


    Honorable Mentions:

    Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Warner Fortensky - A lot of he's. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

    William Henry Harrison - Who? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

    Kate Moss - Ate 0 (David Genser, Arlington; Susan Reese, Arlington)

    Monica Lewinsky - Nice! (Wink.) (Chris Doyle, Rockville)

    Alexandra Stevenson - Dr.'s Teen (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

    Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms - Boom! (Susan Reese, Arlington)

    Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms - Real, Cold Fear. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

    Charley Casserly, Washington Redskins General Manager - Clearly sinking. (Drew Knoblauch, Reston)

    Prime Minister Ehud Barak - I'm Mister Ed. (Martin Bredeck, Alexandria)

    Saddam Hussein - A hun. (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

    J. Danforth Quayle - DOH. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

    Boris Nikolayevich Yeltsin - Is not in. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

    Joey Buttafuoco - Oaf (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

    People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals - Lo-cal treat: animals. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

    World Church of the Creator - Old threat. (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

    Kenneth Starr, Independent Counsel - Spend tons. (Mary Lou French, Lorton)

    Marlon Brando - Moo (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)

    The Artist Formerly Known as Prince - Prince. (Patrick Hogan, Washington)

    Pamela Anderson - Melon. (Jean Consolla, Alexandria)

    Talk show host and entertainer Rush Limbaugh - Also, hot air bag. (Bob Garber, Lusby)

    Al Gore - Al Gore. (David Genser, Arlington)

    President William Jefferson Clinton - I will affront. (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

    President William Jefferson Clinton - Id ill effect. (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

    William Jefferson Clinton, President - Will I score? (Colm Kenny, Bethesda)

    William Jefferson Clinton - Lie on 'n' on. (Peter Tutini, Bowie)


    Rookie of the Week: William Jefferson Clinton - Will sin on. (Beverly Waldenfels, Annandale)

    Next Week: Nerd Planet From the Sun

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