The Style Invitational
Week 302: Unstated Truths
A man.
A woman.
A Webhead.
A pro athlete.
A poet.
A PR person.
A telemarketer.
An 8-year-old child.
By Bob Staake for The Washington Post
This Week's Contest: Come up with lines that you'll never hear the
above people say. Choose one or more. (Example: Something you'll never
hear a man say: "Sorry, I never kiss on a first date.") First-prize
winner gets a genuine goose-skin bottle donated to the Style
Invitational by Stephen Dudzik of Silver Spring, who wins a copy of the
Washington-Baltimore Dog Lover's Companion, a new book that is basically
a travel guide for dogs.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser
Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser
T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style
Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of
humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week
302, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071;
fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address:
losers@washpost.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in
the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which
tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Jan.
3. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number.
Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the
right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase
necessary. Today's Ear No One Reads was written by Richard Leiby of
Silver Spring. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their
immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
REPORT FROM WEEK 299,
in which you were asked to come up with supermarket tabloid headlines
using only the left side of the computer keyboard. A few people wrote
magnificent, inventive headlines that were, alas, too sedate for the
tabs. Our favorite, by Joann Gottlieb of Arlington: "63% AGREE STARR
EXAGGERATED CASE."
» Sixth Runner-Up:
BEREAVED EATS CADAVER! (Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)
» Fifth Runner-Up:
FDA DATA ASSERTS CASABA BREASTED BABES BETTER WEAR BRAS
(William M. Powell, Arlington)
» Fourth Runner-Up:
TA TA TESTES! EX CASTRATES DEADBEAT DAD (David Genser, Arlington)
» Third Runner-Up:
REEFER RAGE GRABS W VA! GEEZERS AFEARED! (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
» Second Runner-Up:
SAVAGES EAT STEWED WEEWEES AS DESSERT! (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
» First Runner-Up:
BRETT FAVRE WEDS BART STARR AFTER 16 BEERS! (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
» And the winner of the "Man Eating Bugs" book:
WET AREAS ARE GREASE
DRESS WEARER ATTESTS!
WET AREAS ARE SEED
SWEARS DRESS TESTER! (Eric Lenning, Reston)
» Honorable Mentions!
CAT FECES STEW DRAWS RAVES
AT CATERED FEAST!
(Brad Kelly, Bethesda)
STARR BARES 666!
(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
FATTEST SERB EVER
EATS GREATER ZAGREB!
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
DEAD VERSACE WEDS!
(Eric Lenning, Reston)
FEDS SEE CEEGAR SEX AS FAD!
(Ian G. Mitchell, Manassas)
VAST STEWARDESS
EATS DESSERT CART!
(Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
TEXAS RAW BAR VD SCARE!
GREAT BABES! BAD CRABS!
(Tipper McFarren, Bethesda)
GB BARFS AT FAR EAST STATE FEAST!
(Don Juran, Rockville)
SERRATED BRA SEVERS BREAST!
(Bill Strider, Gaithersburg)
EXCESS BEER AFFECTS ERECT STATE!
(Don Juran, Rockville)
BEER FARTS GET TAXED AS GAS
(Lee Mayer and Paul Laporte, Washington)
STARR WEARS SEX DRESS
AT STAFF RETREAT!
(Paul Kocak, Syracuse; Brad Kelly, Bethesda)
EXTRA! FED EDGAR WEARS
TAFFETA DRESSES!
(Michael J. Hammer, Arlington)
VADER SEX SABER AWES
STAR WARS CAST!
(Eric Lenning, Reston)
SAX RAT ADDRESSES
GREATEST SEX FEATS!
(Jim Swickard, Uniontown, Ohio)
ZSA ZSA DEAD AT 112!
(Dave Ferry, Leesburg)
EAT ERSATZ FAT!
DEFECATE DRAWERS!
(Don Juran, Rockville)
STARR REGARDED AS GASBAG!
(Barbara Collier, Garrett Park)
u And Last:
CZAR TEST A SAD RETREAD!
(Brad Kelly, Bethesda)
Next Week: A Brand New Contest
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