This Week's Contest: Tell us the difference between any two of the above.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 276, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, July 6. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Sign No One Heeds was written by Stephen Dudzik of Silver Spring. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 273,
Political Slogan That Will Never Make It --
Something That Will Never Become An Olympic Sport:
Chutes and Ladders
Broken Beer-Bottle Fencing
Football With a Paper Triangle on a Table
Driving While Putting On Makeup
Stop, Drop and Roll
Sliding a Chunk of Granite Down the Ice as Pudgy Guys With Brooms and Unmatched Shoes Sweep a Path for It
Holding Your Breath Underwater
A Political Slogan That Will Never Make It:
"Ruthann Aron in 2000"
"Vote for Me and I'll Vote for You."
"Invoke Cloture on H.R. 4921!"
"Unqualifiedly the Best Candidate"
"I Am Not a Crook, Either"
"He'll stay Bought"
"We Must Get On the Next Comet"
"We Need a New Constitution!"
A Children's Book You Will Never See:
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion"
"How to Dress Sexy for Grownups"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
A TV Sitcom You Will Never See:
"Mahmoud and Svetlana"
"Ginsburg Knows Best"
"The New Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour"
Next Week: The Droll of a Lifetime
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