A Children's Book You Will Never See:
"Mommy and Daddy Are Getting a Divorce and It's All Your Fault"
A TV Sitcom You Will Never See:
A Political Slogan That Will Never Make It:
Something That Will Never Become an Olympic Sport:
This Week's Contest was proposed by Michael Farquhar of Washington, who wins a handsomely embossed promise that we will no longer humiliate him in print every time he proposes a contest. Michael is a fine lad, a man of irreproachable moral character, a highly competent professional who, with just a few career "breaks" along the way, might have made something of himself instead of becoming a simpering lickspittle. Also -- and we mean no disrespect here -- Michael has absolutely no behind. It is as though God simply forgot, for a moment, at the birth of Michael Farquhar, that humans must sit, wear pants, and in his case, display the occasional "Kick Me" sign. Anyway, Michael suggests that you provide examples for any of the four above categories. First-prize winner gets a gigantic poster of the World Champion 1937 Washington Redskins, who appear to be a bunch of flabby, pasty-faced white guys with leather helmets and codpieces. It is worth $30.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 273, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 15. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Ad No One Notices was written by Russ Beland of Springfield. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 270,
Fourth Runner-Up --
Third Runner-Up --
Second Runner-Up --
First Runner-Up --
And the winner of the National Flossing Council's 1998 ad campaign videotape --
Jack and Jill went up no hill,
I do like green eggs and ham.
Today I saw a purple cow.
Grecian urns suck.
Please go gentle into that good night,
Jack wasn't nimble, nor was he quick,
Glory be to God for unmarked things.
Hope ain't the thing with feathers.
Beauty and Truth are not the same.
Next Week: Yogi Bearer
© Copyright 1998 The Washington Post Company
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