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The Style Invitational

Week 267: The Concept Concept
Sunday, April 26, 1998; Page F02


by Joe Martin / Universal Press Syndicate by Joe Martin / Universal Press Syndicate by Joe Martin / Universal Press Syndicate by Joe Martin / Universal Press Syndicate
Above cartoons by Joe Martin / Universal Press Syndicate

This Week's Contest is to help out Joe Martin, the Chicago area cartoonist who draws "Mr. Boffo," the terrific strip that appears daily in The Washington Post. "Mr. Boffo" is one of those cartoons with a gimmick, the gimmick being that the cartoonist is essentially an insane demented maniacal lunatic with severe emotional problems. One of our favorite "Mr. Boffo" cartoons involves the following line: "If you bite one more of my fingers off, say goodbye to your other eyeball." Anyway, Joe Martin's oeuvre includes the occasional cartoon labeled "People Unclear on the Concept," four of which appear above. Your job is to come up with a situation for a People Unclear on the Concept cartoon. Joe will draw the winner and may even -- with the winner's permission -- use it in his syndicated strip. You have to describe the situation and supply any necessary dialogue. The first-prize winner gets a copy of the winning entry, drawn and autographed by Martin. Joe agreed to this in a telephone conversation punctuated every few seconds by a loud flushing noise at his end of the line. We tactfully ignored the first few, but after 35 or 40 whooshes and gurgles, we asked. He said, as though no other explanation were required, "Well, I am calling you from the men's room of a restaurant."

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 266, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, April 27. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Abrv No One Ntcs was written by Russ Beland of Springfield. Employees of the Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 264,
in which we gave you 12 "Jeopardy!"-style answers and asked you to come up with appropriate questions.

Fifth Runner-Up -- Answer: Leonardo DiCaprio's dental hygienist.
Question: Who is the only woman on earth likely to give Leonardo DiCaprio the brush?
(Mike Genz, La Plata)

Fourth Runner-Up -- Answer: Sunshine, lollipops and cancer.
Question: What was the cargo on the Good Ship Lollipolyp?
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Third Runner up -- Answer: 1. Elvis. 2. Toto. 3. Socrates.
Question: You are a peanut butter and bacon sandwich at the gates of Hell. Elvis, Toto and Socrates are standing inside, waiting to greet you. Your worst nightmare comes true. In which order do they approach?
(Jim Pond, Silver Spring)

Second Runner up -- Answer: The Farrakhan Express Card.
Question: What is the chief rival of the Massa Card?
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

First Runner-Up -- Bad name for a new city:
(Thad Humphries, Warrenton; Paul Kocak, Syracuse)

And the winner of the nude license plate frame:
Answer: Saddam and Eve.
Question: Name two people who are famous for not having any brothers-in-law.
(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Honorable Mentions:

Answer: Dorcas McFutz

Who is buried in Dorcas McFutz's tomb?
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia; Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Who is the new McDonaldland character who keeps spilling hot coffee on herself?
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

What CBS rip-off of "Ally McBeal" is unlikely to attract the same young, hip viewers?
(David Genser, Arlington)

Answer: Darth Lewinsky

Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, who blew an entire planet to smithereens?
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

Who is the mortal enemy of Princess Linda?
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What infamous evil character has Vernon Jordan's voice?
(Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)

Answer: Saddam and Eve

Name two people who are the mother of all mothers.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

Answer: Leonardo DiCaprio's dental hygienist

What has replaced "fashion designer" and "marine biologist" as the number one occupational fantasy among 14-year-old girls?
(Ellen Cotter, Birmingham, Ala.)

Who sends Leonardo DiCaprio a big bag of Oreo cookies right before his semiannual cleaning appointment?
(Sarah Worcester, Bowie)

Answer: Microsoft-brand doughnuts

What keeps getting bigger and fatter every year but doesn't really taste any better?
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

What goes well with a cpu of coffee?
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What product did the Justice Department enjoin from sale because it "enforced the simultaneous purchase of a potentially unwanted accessory item, to wit, the so-called 'hole' "?
(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

What snack food can shut down your entire system for a week?
(Jessica Clark, Washington)

What sells well even though it's known to be full of bugs?
(Jake Joseph, Gordonsville; Ned Bent, Herndon; Jose Cortina, Centreville)

What tastes just like a 10-year-old apple?
(Jacob Weinstein, Los Angeles)

What Microsoft product would leave a better taste in your mouth if it, instead of Internet Explorer Web browser, were jammed down your throat?
(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Answer: The Farrakhan Express Card

What bank card charges an APR derived from the number of letters in the month, multiplied by the number of years since the death of Marcus Garvey and divided by the number of Jews in Hollywood?
(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring; Jessica Clark, Washington; Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What would be accepted everywhere were it not for the diabolical international Masonic-Zionist conspiracy?
(Jacob Weinstein, Los Angeles)

Answer: What scans better than a Chumbawamba song?
(Robert Perkins, Annandale)

What is the tiny birthmark found on Al Gore's back next to his battery compartment and on-off switch?
(Corey Jenkins, La Plata)

Answer: The Book of Job, but not The Book of Love

Name a book that ends with a lot of sheep and cattle bringing a man a lot of happiness.
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

According to Bill Ginsburg, what did Monica buy at Kramerbooks?
(David Genser, Arlington)

Answer: Tinker to Evers to Leibniz

What is announcer shorthand for a hard grounder scooped up by the shortstop, whipped to second for the force, and finally described as a spatiotemporal continuant, an existent without spatial parts but not without attributes?
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What is probably a better double-play combination than Einstein to Euclid to Gehrig?
(David Genser, Arlington)

Answer: Bwa ha ha ha oink.

What were the last words heard by victims of Porky the Ripper?
(William M. Powell, Arlington)

What did President Clinton say when he heard the Paula Jones lawsuit had been dismissed? (Jose Cortina, Centreville)

Next Week: A Spork of Genius

Copyright 1998 The Washington Post Company

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