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|Copyright The Washington Post Company Jan 11,
Marshall Herff Applewhite: The Sterile Cuckoo
Dan Quayle: Spellbound
Al Gore: Z
Harold Stassen: Ran
Pamela Lee and Kate Moss: To Have and Have Not
This week's contest was proposed by Kitty Thuermer of Washington, who wins an umlaut. Citing the recent flap over whether Al and Tipper Gore were in fact the secret inspirations for "Love Story," Ms. Thurmer suggests that you propose other people who were the secret inspirations for other famous movies. First-prize winners receive an unopened, vintage box of Frosted Flakes ("best if used before March 1994") celebrating the birth of the Colorado Rockies baseball team. The person who sold this to us assured us it is a genuine collector's item, which we hope it is, since the actual cereal inside appears to have settled into a lump the size of an ice cream sandwich. It is worth $20.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 252, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Jan. 19. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. We wish to thank (Stephen Buchanan, Mt. Airy) for today's Ear No One Reads and to simultaneously humiliate him by pointing out that his name and town are an anagram for "Ach, I Bathe My Unnerpants." Next week: Microsoft Ear Credit. Employees of the Washington Post, and members of their immediate families, are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 249,
in which we asked you to choose a scourge of modern society, and find a silver lining.
Second Runner-Up -- Scourge: The deaths of Diana and Mother Teresa. Silver lining: They prepared us for the tragedy of the deaths of Chris Farley and Sonny Bono. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
First Runner-Up -- Scourge: Capitol Hill gridlock that keeps Congress and the president from doing anything. Silver lining: It keeps Congress and the president from doing anything.
(David Pimentel, Bethesda)
And the winner of the Barry Goldwater Button:
Scourge: Cynicism. Silver lining: It precludes inevitable disappointment in one's fellow man. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Declining educational standards: You can execute delightfully wicked double-entendres without being penalized for your daring.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
The overpublicity over the septuplet births: The mother wasn't Kathie Lee. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Promise Keepers' mass gatherings: Gives their wives time to pack. (Natalia Pane, Washington)
Tainted meat: All the flavor with none of the weight gain. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
The Redskins always miss the playoffs: The Redskins never lose a playoff game.
(David Genser, Arlington)
Cowardice: It has saved more lives than modern medicine. (Debbie Blyveis, Arlington)
The Woody-Soon-Yi nuptials: Woody's probably sterile by now. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Drug abuse: It guarantees new faces and styles in rock-and-roll. (Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)
A broken leg: At least you're not a horse. (Debbie Blyveis, Arlington)
Unsafe toys: You can save them for that special kid. (Debbie Blyveis, Arlington)
Prostate trouble: It reduces the need for alarm clocks. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Campaign finance corruption: The sheets in the Lincoln Bedroom get changed more often.
(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)
Potholes in D.C. streets: Taypayers aren't charged for speed bumps. (Art Grinath,
Takoma Park; David L. Elliott, College Park)
Proctology: It gives podiatrists something to disparage. (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)
Whitewater: It prompted the media to abandon its "-gate" conceit in labeling scandals.
(David Pimentel, Bethesda)
Violent crime: Your attacker's book could make you famous. (Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)
Adultery and alcoholism: They provide themes for country music. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
The death of small businesses and replacement by faceless, sterile, one-in-every-mall chains: Victoria's Secret. (Greg Arnold, Herndon)
International terrorism: Cool names like "The Jackal." (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Telemarketers: They give you someone to swear at without losing your job or getting punched in the face. (David Kleinbard, Silver Spring)
Starving children in Third World countries: Sally Struthers will always have a job. (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)
The Yanni concert on WETA pledge drives: It makes you appreciate the pledge breaks. (Kathleen Wagner, Manassas)
Latrell Sprewell chokes his boss: Maybe some Orioles will be inspired. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
Death: Getting Windows 95 to work properly just isn't important anymore. (Andrew Cohn, Springfield)
Having to suck up to The Czar: Getting to enjoy his comic genius every Sunday in America's finest newspaper! (Russ Beland, Springfield)
Next Week: Oh, Great
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