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|Copyright The Washington Post Company Oct 12,
This Week's Contest was proposed, sort of, by Jacob Weinstein, who wins a fling toy made of realistic-feeling mutant fingers ("The Flinger -- It's a Genetic Disaster!"). Jacob, who lives in Los Angeles, reads the Invitational on the Web, at www.washingtonpost.com. Unfortunately, the Invitational on www.washingtonpost.com is limited to words: No artwork is included, which is something of a problem every time we run a contest based on interpreting illustrations. Jacob submitted captions anyway. "This gives me a huge advantage over people who had to look at the stupid cartoons," he said. Indeed, his captions were excellent. This got us thinking about what a splendid idea blind entries are. Alas, though, we are at the end of an era: Soon, washingtonpost.com will display the whole Invitational, art and all. So this week, we had Bob Staake draw five new cartoons, labeled A through E. We have them right here, in the Style Invitational treehouse. We are looking at them right now. They are marvelous! We won't show them to you. Send us the captions. We will print the cartoons for the first time when we print the winners. Yes, this is hard, maybe the hardest contest to date, so we are going to offer one of our best inducements ever: First-prize winner gets a shark fetus, bottled in formaldehyde. It is worth $50.
Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt, except for first runner-up, who gets the highly prized Style Invitational Loser's pen. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 239, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: email@example.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Oct. 20. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. "Roy." "Yeah, Roy who?" "Roy Ashley," said the man pushing the mop."Yeah? From where?" "Washington. Filthtown." "So what of it?" "The ear. He wrote it." "Yeah? What's it to me?" Next week: Faulkner Ear Credit. Employees of The Washington Post, and members of their immediate families, are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 236,
in which you were asked to supply captions to any of five cartoons we provided. Several persons said of Cartoon D that it illustrated the perils of licking a frozen computer screen; multitudinous others saw it as a moron attempting to lick the stamp on an e-mail.
Fourth Runner-Up: (Cartoon D) A monitor lizard, of course. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Third Runner-Up: (Cartoon B) Barney regrets telling his wife, "I'm sick of all the damned health food you've been making, so I damned well better get a big steak tonight."
(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
Second Runner-Up: (Cartoon A) The Pac-Man paint-by-number set never got off the ground. (Mike Genz, La Plata)
First Runner-Up: (Cartoon C) Sorry, Gladys, but they already did a show about a housewife and a Cuban with a band. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
And the winner of the severed human head:
(Cartoon D) Gordon misunderstands the concept of "laptop."
(Hank Wallace, Washington)
A computer-enhanced watermark from Area 51 stationery, but you did not hear this from me. (Joel Knanishu, Hyattsville)
The complete U.S. tax code under President Steve Forbes. (Jim Reid, Sterling; Steve Bonner, Hanover, Md.)
Directions to the annual convention of the American Obscurantists and Surrealists Association. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
This clock is indicating that it is "one of." See, when people ask me the time, I tell them "It's one of," and then they ask me "One of what?" and I say, "One of the reasons you should get a watch." Hahaha. Okay, forget it. (Niels Hoven, Silver Spring)
These results represent the response to our latest poll on apathy. Out of 1,000 people polled, five said apathy is nonexistent in America, and the other respondent said he had no opinion. (Brian Berryhill, Glengary, W.Va.)
Bob Staake hides a subtle reference to his name in every drawing. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Androcles discovers that the lion is an ingrate. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
What happens when you break up with Peg o' My Heart. (Marge Jackman, Alexandria)
The wrong way to give a wedgie.
(Susan Reese, Arlington)
A divorce lawyer, Ron went to great lengths to prove he was not a bloodsucker.
(Michael W. Baird, Derwood)
One of the four survivors of the great Hoboken Stake Factory explosion back in '43. (Michael W. Baird, Derwood)
Maria was not about to start another fire smoking in bed. (David Genser, Arlington)
More evidence that the Pamela Lee screen saver reduces monitor dust buildup.
(Greg Arnold, Herndon)
Wallace misread the "click here" instructions. (Ken Huck, Fairfax)
Just one of the many ways computers get viruses. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
The czar carefully screens an entry for taste. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
An academic from the Quayle Center for Advanced Studies puzzles over how Big Square Thing on Top of Small Round Thing National Monument got its name.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
At the "Cliches in the Workplace" convention, Arthur discovers his project was stonewalled, but became the cornerstone of the whole campaign because it was right on the ball. Not shown: The flagpole upon which it was run up. (Marilyn Schuman, North Potomac)
Investigators find shoddy repairs at D.C. schools; some foundations, for example, were patched with giant gum balls. (Susan Reese, Arlington)
The new House on Casters has shaken the mobile home industry to its foundations. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
Next Week: Ask Backward
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