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|Copyright The Washington Post Company Jan 5,
+ A genuine Pickett slide rule
+ Miss Manners's commode
+ A Rottweiler in a baby carriage
+ "The courfe of human eventf"
+ That woman who married JFK Jr.
+ A cell in Lorton
+ That flappy thing at the back of
+ The medical uses of marijuana
+ A shortstop from Yemen
+ An ethical lecture from
+ Monkeys at keyboards
+ A balanced budget
+ A cinnamon bun shaped like
+ A Cabbage Patch Snack Time
+ Ruth Bader Ginsburg
doing the Macarena
This Week's Contest: Tell us the difference between any two of the above items. (As in: "What is the difference between a genuine Pickett slide rule and an ethical lecture from Newt? Some idiot might pay a nickel for a genuine Pickett slide rule.") First-prize winner gets a genuine Pickett slide rule, circa 1968, still in the box, a value of 4 cents.
Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 199, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: email@example.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Jan. 13. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank David Genser of Vienna for today's Ear No One Reads. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 196, in which you were asked to come up with a Scene We'd Like to See, in the style of Mad magazine. But first, a special report on the shocking results of Week 193. That was the week in which we required regular winners to enter secretly, under believable pseudonyms; the idea was to test the theory that the Czar plays favorites. In all, there were 3,550 entries from about 500 people. Of the 38 entries that were printed, it turns out, 21 were ringers, including the winner. The winner of the Michael Jackson record player was, in fact, Chuck Smith of Woodbridge. The annotated, ruthlessly vindicating results of Week 193 appear on Page F4.
+ Third Runner-Up:
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
+ Second Runner-Up:
(Philip Vitale, Arlington)
+ First Runner-Up:
(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
+ And the winner of a genuine photocopy of a fax of this cartoon, autographed by Bob Staake:
(Bob Kulawiec, Washington; Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
+ Honorable Mentions:
Panel One: Open garage as Herbie the Love Bug enters. Panel two: Door closed. Gas seeping out. Caption: Herbie the Love Bug decides to end it all. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Panel One: Ditsy young woman extols virtues of Psychic Friends Network. "My psychic was incredible! She said, `You're a young woman' -- and I am!" Panel Two: "And she said, `You've had troubles with your mom,' and I have!" Panel Three: "And then she said, `You're a superstitious, gullible idiot,' and I am!"
(Frank and Cindy Curry, Richmond)
The Coors Light drinkers' Frisbee sails over the top of a mountain. When one of the guys goes to retrieve it, he is gored by a giant mountain goat. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Panel One: Cheers bar. A doctor from the shoulders up talks to Norm. "It's impacted. It will have to come out." Panel Two: Norm on a bar stool. You cannot see the seat. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Road Runner cartoon: As usual, Road Runner causes Wile E. Coyote to fall off the cliff, and a boulder falls on his head. The coyote dies. Road Runner is hauled off to jail, and charged under federal statutes. It turns out the coyote was an endangered species. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Family Circus: Car in driveway with each person having a thought balloon. Father: "Look at that babe who lives next door. I'd sure like to get in her pants." Billy: "I wonder how long before they find the body." Dolly: "The effects of the glue I was sniffing are starting to wear off." Mother: "Look at that babe who lives next door. I'd sure like to get in her pants." Jeffy: "I think I'm gay. Even the babe next door does not attract me." Barfy: "I wonder if there are any good bones in that hole Billy was digging." Shrub: "E=mC2." (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Panel One: Hi and Lois. Trixie the baby is in the living room by the window as her sunbeam streams in. Trixie: "My sunbeam!" Panel Two: Trixie looks concerned. " or is it a UFO tractor beam?" Panel Three: Trixie is sucked out the window. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Andy Capp. Andy comes home, drunk as usual. But this time it is realistic. He falls down on the doorstep and opens a gash on his forehead. He stumbles in and vomits on the floor . . . (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Next Week: Tickle Me Twenhafel
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