Week 168 : License to Carry a Pun

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Copyright The Washington Post Company Jun 2, 1996

Who is fat and bends over backward to be conservative?

Rush Limbo

Who is a very boring political martyr?

John F. Canada

What do you call a group of castaways who resort to cannibalism and promiscuous sex?

The Madonner Party

In the world of nudists, who represents Everyman?

John Q. Pubic.

This Week's Contest was suggested by the Czar, who wins the continued adulation of the masses. We are asking you to come up with original jokes like those above. The punchline must contain a pun on someone's name. This genre of joke no doubt has a name of its own, but darned if we can think of it. First-prize winner gets a mint-condition 1962 decorative shiny velour rug featuring John F. Kennedy and the U.S. Capitol, a $50 value. (A special prize of a set of genuine moose-poop swizzle sticks will be awarded to the person who best names this type of joke.) Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 168, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 10. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Stephen Dudzik of Silver Spring for today's Ear No One Reads. Washington Post employees and their families are not eligible for prizes.

Report From Week 165, in which you were invited to complete any of five Wheel of Fortune Phrases About Hell, adhering to certain configurations of spaces and letters. This contest proved extremely hard and many regulars whined and sniveled about how cruel we were. We will not embarrass those weenies by publishing their names, the most vociferous of whom was Russ-ll B-land of Springfi-ld. Anyway, the rest of you did just fine, though we will admit the strictures of this contest provoked various pathetic desperation moves. Several people, for example, said the celebrity often seen in Hell was "Rosten Kowski."

Fourth Runner-Up:

A Serious Faux Pas in Hell: Blessing Unto a Sneezer (Stephen F. Dudzik, Silver Spring

Third Runner-Up:

A Serious Faux Pas in Hell: Yielding Imus a Lectern (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Second Runner-Up:

A Common Recreational Activity in Hell: Bananas and Gerbils (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)

First Runner-Up:

A Common Recreational Activity in Hell: Lawyers Are Grilled (Frank Thompson, Vienna; Ken Kaufman, Gaithersburg)

And the Winner of the Chefmaster(R) Hat and Apron:

Today's Menu in Hell's Cafeteria: Basil, Ginger, Herb and Murray (Sarah Worcester, Bowie)

Honorable Mentions:

What is a way one might address the Devil? ----- --- -- -A--

Fetid Wad of Caca (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Senor Muy de Malo. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Lusty Bag of Hate (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Youse, Wit da Tail (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Swell Pit, Dr. Damn! (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park) Senor

All My Pain. (Tom Lundregan, Alexandria)

Satan, You Am Baad. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Common Recreational Activities in Hell: -A----S --- G-----

Gardens Not Growing (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Maggots Are Gobbled (Tommy Litz, Bowie)

Paddles and Gluteus (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park) Parades for Gestapo (Steve Fahey, Kensington; Tommy Litz, Bowie)

Lawyers' Art Gallery (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Celebrity Often Seen in Hell: R----- ------

Richie Havens (Tommy Litz, Bowie; Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Ronald Popeil (Maureen Brennan, McLean)

Today's Menu In Hell's Cafeteria: B----, ------, ----, and -U----.

Beano, Zantac, Nair and GumOut (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Blank, Spaces, Nada and Bupkis. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Barbs, Thorns, Pins and Hunger (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

A Bad Faux Pas in Hell: -----ING ---- - -------

Arriving With 2 Lawyers (Norman F. Wesley, Pittsburgh)

Grousing Over a Sunburn (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Chilling Down a Brewski (Joel Knanishu, Hyattsville)

Knitting Pope a Sweater (Scott Aukema, Alexandria) Xeroxing Tons o' Resumes (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Drinking From a Carcass (Dan Stevens, Glen Burnie) Dressing Like a Pontiff (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Flirting With a Senator (Ken Kaufman, Gaithersburg)

Arriving With a Zamboni (Ray Aragon and Cindy Coe, Bethesda)

And Last:

Spelling Rong 2 Wingame (Ed Hopkins, Davidsonville)

Next week: Doo Wah Doody

ILLUSTRATION,,Bob Staake For Twp

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