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Week 87 : West Easy, Ann


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Copyright The Washington Post Company Nov 13, 1994

Week 87: West Easy, Ann

This week's contest was suggested by Ann Joliffe of Kingwood, W.Va., who wins a three-pronged frog gaff. Ann wrote us an earnest letter complaining that Washingtonians are not nice to her home state. She cites many examples of perceived insensitivity, cruel characterizations implying West Virginia is home to illiterate toothless thieving bumpkins who intermarry at 15, swill moonshine and dine furtively on roadkill, and she wonders why we big-city slickers cannot just once "shine a positive light" on her "misjudged state." Well, Ann, we're gonna fix you right up. The challenge this week is to ckome up with good things about West Virginia, in 50 words or fewer. First-prize winner gets a high-quality rubber Halloween mask featuring the likeness of a toothless West Virginian plus some snot candy, a total value of $60. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 87, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Nov. 21. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 84, in which we asked you to come up with fictional names for high-school sports teams of real American cities. This was the biggest response to date: 26,000 entries from 1,950 people, including an all-time one-person record of 516 entries by Milt Eisner of McLean, who wins a life. Many worthy duplicates this week, including the Reston (Va.) Laurels, the Hardy (Miss.) Har Hars, the Lansing (Mich.) Boils, the Sioux City (Iowa) Lawyers, the Village (Okla.) Idiots, the Helena (Mont.) Handbaskets, the Horseheads (N.Y.) Godfathers, the Wana (W.Va.) Bees, the Two Buttes (Mont.) Partons and the Bras D'Or (Nova Scotia) Knobs. Also we note the many unprintable entries involving Coxsackie, N.Y.; Fouke, Ariz.; and Jackson Hole, Wyo. And lastly, we wish to take this opportunity to publicly chastise Mr. Cole Arendt of Washington, who submitted an entry so profoundly revolting it is not only unpublishable but cannot be uttered in the presence of houseplants, which would wilt and die. Cole, you dirty dog. You win a T-shirt.

Ninth Runner-Up: The Broad Run Farms (Va.) Agribusinesswomen (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Eighth Ninth Runner-Up: The Juneau (Alaska) Diddly Squats (Mike Geary, Germantown)

Seventh Runner-Up: The Walhalla (S.C.) Toothless Vikings (Cole Arendt, Washington)

Sixth Runner-Up: The Limerick (Pa.) Men From Nantucket (Bob Schlosser, Herndon)

Fifth Runner-Up: The New York (N.Y.) &%$+ing &%$#@s (Robin D. Grove, Washington)

Fourth Runner-Up: The Square Butte (Mont.) Office Workers (Genesee Adkins, Frederick)

Third Runner-Up: The Ypsilanti (Mich.) Qwertyuiops (Kenneth April, Arlington)

Second Runner-Up: The Lackawanna (Pa.) Underachievers (Stephen Serban, Arlington)

First Runner-Up: The Eutaw (Ala.) Puddytats (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Really Fancy Harmonica With a Wah-Wah Button:

The Assinippi (Mass.) Guard Dogs (Karla J. Dickinson, Springfield)

Honorable Mentions:

The Bond (Miss.) James Bond (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

The Dripping Springs (Tenn.) Bedwetters (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The Kaaawa (Hawaii) A's (Russ Beland, Springfield)

The Jamaica (N.Y.) Mess (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

The Clinton (Md.) Bashers (Don Beale, Arlington)

The Echo (Ala.) Echo (Bill Franklin, Clinton)

The Virginville (Pa.) Liars (Emily Schilling, Lancaster, Pa.)

The Arnot (Pa.) Amtoos (Bob Ferry, Montvale, N.J.)

The Lyon (Miss.) SOBs (Walt Kopp, Annandale)

The Athol (Mass.) Zen Elbows (Harry F. Cole, Vienna)

The Hinkley (Calif.) Bruntleys (Bob Lieblich, Arlington)

The Frederick (Md.) Flintstone Esquires (Mike Geary, Germantown)

The Economy (Pa.) Stupids (Chris Cleary, Charlottesville; Jerry Pannullo, Chevy Chase)

The Arkadelphia (Ark.) Pennsykansans (Jacob Weinstein, McLean)

The Athol (Mass.) Fugard Because We Decided to Be High-Minded About Its (Jacob Weinstein, McLean)

The Kaka (Ariz.) Doodies (Charles Layman, Silver Spring)

The Clinton (S.C.) Exprez (Mac Lloyd, Churchville)

The Froid (Mont.) Strippers, I Mean Slippers (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

The Milwaukie (Ore.) Brooers (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

The Effingham (Kan.) Damned Sandwiches (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

The Collyer (Kan.) Mothers (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

The McDonald's Chapel (Ala.) Praying Hamburgers (Arthur C. Adams, Laurel)

The Buckingham (Va.) Rodeo Pigs (Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)

The Lakehurst (N.J.) Huge Exploding Balloons (Walter Cronin, Bethesda)

The Y City (Ariz.) Existentialists (Kate Renmer, Rockville)

The Severn (Md.) Elevern (Dave Jenkins and Suzanne Gesin, Arlington; George Montgomery, Bethesda)

The Boom Furnace (Va.) Incompetent Heating Contractors (J.F. Martin, Falls Church)

The Show Low (Ariz.) Decolletages (Kathy Weisse, Sykesville)

The Three Forks of Williams River (W.Va.) Eleven Man Squad With Pigskin Zeppelin (James A. and Tanis R. Moher, Manassas)

The El Paso (Tex.) El Catchos (Robin D. Grove, Washington)

The Schwenksville (Pa.) Studs (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

The Kissimee (Fla.) Good Knights (Jerrold M. Witcher, Takoma Park)

The Flippin-Hamburg (Ark.) Consolidated High School English Majors (Elden Carnahan, Laurel) The Akaka Falls (Hawaii) Hat-Wearers (Nick Dierman, Potomac)

The Rushsylvania (Ohio) Vampire Dittoheads (Joseph Romm, Washington)

The Blue Ball (Pa.) Third Basemen (Lisa Clark, Alexandria)

The St. Augustine (Fla.) Epistemologists (John Cushing, Guatemala City)

The Inyo (Calif.) Facemuthas (Mark Updike, Crownsville, Md.)

The Russiaville (Ind.) All-Tsars (Milt Eisner, McLean)

The Bayonet Point (Fla.) Sucking Chest Wounds (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And Last:

The Soso (Miss.) Contest (Miller & Chevalier, Washington)

Next Week: Mything In Action


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