Week 80 : Nick Knacks


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Copyright The Washington Post Company Sep 25, 1994

Henry "The Impotent" of Castile

Pope Clement VII, "The Butcher of Cesena"

George "The Mad Bomber" Metesky

Fred "Bonehead" Merkle

Vyacheslav "Stone-Ass" Molotov

Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno

Margaret "The Gorgeous Hussy" Eaton

William "Pussyfoot" Johnson

Except possibly for Mafiosi, and they are a dying breed, no one has cool nicknames anymore. All of the above were taken from the Dictionary of Historic Nicknames. This Week's Contest: Come up with a great nickname for any contemporary celebrity. First-prize winner receives "The Cottage Physician," a fabulously misinformed antique medical text autographed by the Czar of the Style Invitational, who purchased it at an antiques store for $5 but hereby assigns it a value of $62,300. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 80, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to (202) 334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to this address: Entries must be received by Monday, Oct. 3. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads, making a startling reappearance, requests onomatopoeia, made-up words that sound like the things they are describing. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 77, in which you were asked to interpret Rorschach blots. Many of the better entries utilized more than one of the blots. One of our favorites was by Noah Schenendorf of Gaithersburg, who said all six blots, taken together, represented "works of modern art by Desmond Howard, for which Redskins GM Charlie Casserly paid millions."

Third Runner-Up: (Blot 3) This ultrasound view of the female abdomen shows that storks really are involved in human reproduction. (Steve Dunham, Fredericksburg)

Second Runner-Up: (Blot 1) What xxxx intends to name his first son. (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

First Runner-Up: (Blot 6) It was not until deeper excavations on Easter Island that the colostomy bags were discovered. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And the Winner of the Two Frogs Playing Pool:

Halloween in Georgetown (Dennis Goris, Alexandria)

Blot No. 1

A chandelier made from the spines and vertebrae of politicians. (Richard E. Brock, Adelphi)

Major league baseball owners have resorted to genetic engineering to produce replacement players. Initial attempts have been unsuccessful. (Kurt Larrick, Burke)

The common wishbone, redesigned to meet federal safety standards. (John J. Kammer, Herndon)

Blot No. 2

Marilyn Quayle comes face to face with the Devil. (D.J. Dohahey, Reston)

The controversial Shroud of Mary Tyler Moore. (Gloria Federico, Springfield)

Blot No. 3

The Cowardly Lion after cosmetic surgery. His doctor misunderstood when told the lion wanted little tucks around his eyes. (Ann M. Burton, N. Bethesda)

Dan Quayle's Zero Population Growth Plan involves Air Force fighters destroying stork habitats. (Earl Gilbert, La Plata)

The June Taylor Dancers performing "Swan Lake." (Larry Gordon, Potomac)

Blot No. 4

What Madonna wears to church. (Susan Davis, Beltsville)

A reflected image of a decapitated buffalo, next year's Bills logo if they lose the Super Bowl again. (T.L. McBride, Upper Marlboro)

Blot No. 5

(Upside down) Opus, bound and gagged. (Stu Segal, Vienna)

(Upside down) A rear view of refrigerator repair men building a human pyramid. (Marta Graffy Sparrow, Springfield)

Mickey Mouse checking Stan Laurel for head lice. (Doug Burns, Falls Church)

The ill-conceived Mighty Morphin Power Penguin. (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

Blot No. 6

The jacket cover for the new book "Women of the Supreme Court." (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Manic-depressive thought balloons. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

There were constant arguments between the twins as to who would get to wear both earrings that night. (Paul A. Alter, Hyattsville)

(Upside down) A new form of birth control: ankle weights for sperm. (Bill Epstein, Bethesda)

And Last:

Mr. Style Comes a-Courtin' (Kathleen Pendracky, Avella, Pa.)

Next Week: Smart Morons

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