Week 63 : Bad About You


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Copyright The Washington Post Company May 15, 1994

Using only the letters in the name of a famous serial killer, come up with the name of a country or a large city. You do not have to use ALL the letters in the killer's name. Example: John Wayne Gacy - Ghana.

Name an annoying celebrity and the planet you would send them to live on. Examples: Roseanne Arnold, Saturn. Ross Perot, Pluto.

Come up with a funny caption for either of these photographs. (a nature scene; a portrait of hitler)

Now, don't jump to conclusions. This Week's Contest was suggested by the literally hundreds of you who keep writing in with stupid ideas for new contests. The latest, just received in the mail, is: "Come up with things to eat that are not edible. Example: A phone book!" Another one, and we swear this is for real: "Come up with a slogan celebrating the empowerment of women and minorities in the Clinton administration. Example: `This Is the Dawning of the Age of Empowerment.' " So we thought we'd run a contest to Come Up With A Lame Idea for a Style Invitational Contest, an idea destined to create unfunny results. You must give at least one example. First-prize winner gets a framed Botticelli painting, featuring the likeness of Marilyn Monroe on the upturned scallop shell. It is possible this is not an original Botticelli, though we have obtained it for $50 from highly reputable art dealers who operate out of the back of a truck on Rockville Pike. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 63, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet at this address: Entries must be received on or before Monday, May 23. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 60, in which you were asked to come up with questions to any of several answers we supplied.

Sixth Runner-Up - Answer: Peter, Paul and Murray. Question: Who were two of the Apostles and their bookie? (James Christopher, Springfield)

Fifth Runner-Up - Answer: Jonathan Livingston Maggot. Question: Who wrote "Today is the first day of the rest of your lice?" (Ted Spencer, College Park)

Fourth Runner-Up - Answer: Only Roseanne Arnold. Question: Did Arnold the Pig have any siblings? (Joseph H. Sisk, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up - Answer: Peter, Paul and Murray. Question: Who recorded the hit song "Don't Think Twice It's All Right Already"? (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Second Runner-Up - Answer: Vladimir Zhirinovsky's Teeth. Question: What song title did Kim Carnes reject before recording her 1981 hit, "Bette Davis Eyes"? (Preston Williams, Alexandria)

First Runner-Up - Answer: Dr. Jonas Salk and Larry from the Three Stooges. Question: What two people hold the record for hearing the word "Ow!" the most? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And the Winner of the terra-cotta Lawn Pig and Lawn Bunny:

Answer: Stinkle. Question: What is the primary drawback of the Dick Gregory "all-asparagus" diet? (Bruce Evans, Washington)

Honorable Mentions:

Answer: Dr. Jonas Salk and Larry from the Three Stooges

What medical research team developed the vaccine shot to the back of the head? (Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)

Answer: Jonathan Livingston Maggot

What is the title of Richard Bach's unpublished manuscript about a seagull who wants to be a fly? (Jon Patrick Smith, Washington; also, J. Calvin Smith, Washington)

What do I find when Jonathan Livingston I exhume? (Ron Prishivalko, Reston)

Answer: By Striking Him Repeatedly on the Tuchus

How do you get candy out of the new Marquis de Sade Pez dispenser? (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)

How do the Singaporeans create an American celebrity? (Paul A. Alter, Hyattsville)

Answer: Gargantua and Pantagruel

Question: Which children of Frank Zappa have the most common names? (Preston Williams, Alexandria)

What are the two sizes of hosiery larger than Queen? (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)

Answer: Peter, Paul and Murray

Who was at the Next-to-Last Supper? (R. Scott Krick, Richmond)

Answer: The Ear No One Reads

What hears the sound of one hand clapping? (Christopher L. Parkin, Washington; also, John Cushing, Washington)

Where would be a good place for Salman Rushdie to promote his new book, "In Your Face, Rafsanjani"? (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Answer: Mooooooo

What is the dyslexic's mantra? (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What do blades of grass yell out to scare each other on Halloween? (Robin D. Grove, Washington)

Answer: Vladimir Zhirinovsky's Teeth

What is the best reason to get rid of your color TV? (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

What is the last place in the world to find a Jew's harp? (Scott Thornton, Beltsville)

Answer: Al Gore. Al Gore. Al Gore. Bullwinkle.

Instead of "You are getting very sleepy," what have hypnotists begun saying? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

What was the total vote count at the 1984 Democratic primary in Dixville Notch, N.H.? (Scott Thornton, Beltsville)

What's the world's dullest set of multiple personalities? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Answer: Hitler? Who Said Anything About Hitler?

What show-stopping number closes the hit Austrian musical "Waldheim!"? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

What was David Duke's reply when asked if he had ever hit his wife? (Rick Lewis, Bowie)

Answer: Only Roseanne Arnold

Who is more interested in Roseanne Arnold than Style's Reliable Source column? (Michael Fribush, Burtonsville)

Answer: If You Don't Get It, You Don't Get It

What clever marketing slogan does Dan Quayle not get? (John Gadd, Washington)

Answer: It Rhymes With Orange

What does Bob Dylan think "it" rhymes with? (Jim and Tana Reagan, Reston)

Answer: Because You Can't Eat a Bowling Ball

Stranded on a desert island with only a bowling ball and Brussels sprouts, why would one starve to death? (Penny Dash, Bethesda)

What is the ad tag line that lost the Frito Lay account? (Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)

Answer: Stinkle

What is the new singing duo formed by Art Garfunkel and Sting? (Deborah Howell, Herndon)

What was the last name of Casey, who managed the Mighty Skunks? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

What was the last finalist eliminated before the selection of Snap, Crackle and Pop to represent Kellogg's Rice Krispies? (Rosemary Walsh, Rockville)

And Last:

What is another way to spell my name wrong? (Richard W. Stickle, Laurel)

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