Week 15 : Punch Us.

Ms. Hillary Clinton (nee Rodham)

Full Text (590   words)
Copyright The Washington Post Company Jun 13, 1993

Sandra Day O'Connor, Abraham Lincoln and Woody Woodpecker are in a boat that capsizes. There is only one life preserver. Sandra says ...

How do you know if Bill Clinton has been in your house?

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Hillary who?


A man walks into a bar in Washington and orders a Kahlua and root beer fizz. He notices that the woman next to him has a chicken bone in her hair. "Hey," he says to the bartender ...

A nun, a rabbi and an atheist are taking a tour of the White House ...

This week's contest: Complete any of these jokes in 75 words or fewer. First-prize winner will receive several books of tasteless jokes, a value of about $30. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 15, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 21. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 12, in which we asked you to write a limerick using any of these names: George Stephanopoulos, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Jack Kevorkian or Bosnia-Herzegovina. We offered a contest poetic.

The results, they were pretty pathetic.

'Twas the worst of our fears -

You all had tin ears!

And kept trying to stick in extra clunky words and committing rhymes that gave us a headache.

And now the winners, some of which have been lightly edited to improve their meter: Fourth Runner-Up:

Hillary Rodham spent hours

Developing Bill Clinton's powers.

But she really got miffed

When she bought him a gift,

And he said that he'd rather have Flowers.

(Scott Straub, Winchester, Va.)

Third Runner-Up:

There are names that are spoken with ease,

While others come out like a sneeze.

By George, there's a lot of us

Who think "Stephanopoulos"

Just sounds like a rare foot disease.

(Art and limerick, Andy Black, Reston)

Second Runner-up:

Ms. Hillary Clinton (nee Rodham)

Charmed Bill from his top to his bottom

Now that Billy is prez

Will he do as she says?

Has she not only got him, but got 'em?

(Janet Crawford, Pomfret, Md.)

First Runner-up:

The president's spokesman was out.

An afternoon lunch date, no doubt.

"Find George Stephanopoulos!

This crisis could topple us!

Al Gore's got termites, not gout!"

(Kevin Dunleavy, Fairfax)

And the winner of the twitching rubber rat caught in a trap:

Jack Kevorkian, Suicide Doc,

Awoke to a terrible shock.

His machine ... it was broke!

"But folks want to croak!

I suppose I can use a blunt rock."

(Jimmy Nguyen, Rockville)

Special award of a tin cup for the most pitiful attempt at a rhyme:

In a faraway jungle most populous

With elephant and rhinoceros,

George deemed it unsound

That we sleep on the ground

Because something big might Stephanopoulos.

(C. Paul Mendez, Silver Spring)

Honorable Mentions:

Ms. Clinton, that's Hillary Rodham,

Into the White House, she got him.

Now, when they're in bed,

Or so it is said,

She prefers the top to the bottom.

(Art and limerick by Andy Black, Reston)

Doc Kevorkian, also called Jack

Is possessed of a marvelous knack.

He'll provide a neat visa

To any old geeza

For a trip on the heavenly track.

(Thomas A. Parrott, Washington)

Next Week: Anagrams=A Man's Rag.

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Language: English
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