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Week 11 : In Which We Give You the Back Off Our Shirts.


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Copyright The Washington Post Company May 16, 1993

A mere 11 weeks after the start of this sorry contest, we have finally gotten around to designing the T-shirts won by runners-up. But just as we were about to get them manufactured and shipped out, we came up with a swell new way to delay the whole process a few more weeks! The back of the shirt needs a slogan, something that captures the spirit of The Style Invitational. What is that spirit? You tell us. No hints this week. And no, "Your Clever Words Here" won't win. The right idea, though.

First-prize winner will receive five handsome T-shirts, a value of about $75. They will of course not be Style Invitational T-shirts, with your fabulous slogan on them. To win those, you have to lose. Hahahahahahaha. Runners-up, as always, get the losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 11, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334- 4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, May 24. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 8, in which we asked you to come up with sleazy headlines for the Weekly World News:

Roseanne Pregnant With Elvis's Baby. Elvis Pregnant With Roseanne's Baby. Baby Pregnant With Roseanne's Elvis. Elvis Has Gas. Elvis Has Boogers. Roseanne Explodes.

Sigh. True comic genius does not submit to formula, folks. True comic genius would be a headline like CHAINSAW PROCTOLOGIST INDICTED, which no one submitted, fortunately, since it is far too tasteless to print.

The promise of a story about the first-prize winner in the famously disreputable Weekly World News, as opposed to our usual lousy prizes, elicited more than 700 entries, nearly 20 of which were clever and inventive. Here they are:

Fifth Runner-Up: ELVIS HEADLINES USO SHOW FOR MIAS STILL IN VIETNAM

(C. Paul Mendez, Silver Spring)

Fourth Runner-Up: TRAGIC LEPER TRAPEZE ACT FATALITY

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Third Runner-UP: EARTH DISCOVERED TO BE `SHOOTER' IN GIANT ALIEN MARBLE GAME

(Jim and Tana Reagan, Reston)

Second Runner-Up: ELVIS FINISHES 3RD IN ELVIS IMPERSONATOR CONTEST

(Chris David Zaharis, Baltimore)

First Runner-Up: AL GORE BELIEVED ALIVE - WHAT HE MIGHT LOOK LIKE

(Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

And the Winner of a Story in the Weekly World News: LIKENESS OF HONEYMOONERS' `ALICE' FOUND ON MOON

(Byron Baker, Capital Heights)

Honorable Mentions:

MISTAKEN FOR MIMES, ALIENS BEATEN BY ANGRY MOB

(Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

NAPOLEON'S PENIS FOUND IN RECTANGULAR PASTRY

(Jesse Etelson, Rockville)

ALIENS SIMONIZED MY CAR

(Susan Campbell, New York)

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER TREES ARE WHISKERS OF `MAN IN THE EARTH'

(Jim and Tana Reagan, Reston)

STUDY FINDS MOST BALD MEN VICTIMS OF BAD HAIRCUTS

(Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

WEDDING NIGHT SHOCKER - BRIDE AND GROOM HAD SEX CHANGE OPERATIONS

("Dee Dee," Silver Spring)

EXCLUSIVE: ELVIS BURIED STILL ATTACHED TO TOILET SEAT

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

HEALTH COSTS TO PLUMMET: KEVORKIAN TO BECOME HEALTH CZAR

(Kenneth Lynch, Lutherville)

JACK THE RIPPER WAS GROVER CLEVELAND

(Kathy Weisse, Sykesville)

SCIENTIST PROVES MARTIAN CANALS MADE BY GIANT ROLLERBLADES

(Stephen Adise, Silver Spring)

CAPITALS WIN STANLEY CUP

(Craig Ulander, Mount Airy)

POPE SECRETLY WARNS CLERGYMEN: HEAVEN IS GETTING FULL

(David Moon, Kettering)

BLIND ELVIS-LIKE ALIENS IMPREGNATE ROSEANNE, RANSACK GRAVES OF MARILYN, JFK

(Barry Reichenbaugh, Alexandria)

LOCAL EDITOR SHOOTS DOG, WIFE, THEN SEL (Jim and Tana Reagan, Reston)

NEXT WEEK: Vanity Unfair.

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