The Style Invitational Week 980 Def Jam

By Pat Myers, Thursday, July 12, 1:19 PM


As always with our perennial Join Now neologism contests, Week 976 provided lots of funny combinations of parts of words to make new ones, as you’ll see from this week’s results. And also as always, the Empress received dozens of entries in which the new word was nifty but the accompanying definition a bit niftless. This week we’re going to do a little crowdsourcing: Supply a humorous definition for any of these promising Loser-penned neologisms. You may add a hyphen if you like, wherever you like. Keep in mind that because we’re working from only a few dozen words, many entries are sure to have the same general idea. So the ink will flow to the best-written ones; using the word in a funny sentence might help (using the word in an unfunny sentence will not).




Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a very cute little foam-stuffed black-and-white cat. It’s slightly different from most toy cats, though: this one has a Velcro-attachable head, with a blood-red neck area. It’s called Stress Relief Kitty. See, it’s relaxing to carefully put the head on. Donated by Andrea Kelly.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 23; results published Aug. 12 (online Aug. 10). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 980” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Jeff Contompasis; the alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at


Report from Week 976, in which we asked you to combine the beginning of one word or name appearing in that week’s Style Invitational or Style Conversational with the end of another word to make a new term: Shockingly, we got many entries featuring the syllable “poop”!


The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial


Ignorial: A monument that nobody visits. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)


2. Winner of the “Pat the Politician” parody book:

Hyattsvilification: The reflexive dismissal of anything located in Prince George’s County. (David Smith, formerly of Greenbelt, Md.)


3. Enthusala: A 90-year-old man on Viagra. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)


4. Bristen: To welcome an infant boy into the Jewish and Christian faiths simultaneously; also known as “Snip ’n’ Dip.” (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)


Sub-merges: Honorable mentions


Eroti-tistical: “I’m sure it was good for you, too.” (Julie Thomas and Will Cramer, Herndon, Va.)


Disc-gust: The reaction of every generation to the next generation’s music. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)


Part-protected: Unprotected. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)


Atchoo: The inevitable direction in which someone else sneezes. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)


Vow-ill: Wedding-related nerves, often accompanied by a cry of “ai-ai-ai.” (Steven Alan Honley, Washington)


Don-thing: A charitable name for Trump’s hairdo. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


Face-fax: An office prank in which the perpetrator tends to get caught. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)


Om-boy: A member of the Dalai Lama’s posse. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


Beet-head: Well, you said you hated being called “carrot top.” (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)


Badmired: Ill-behaved yet still respected. — Bill C., Chappaqua, N.Y. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)


Mornication: A little something to start the day. (Larry Gray)


Jeleton: The internal strength of a politician. (Brad Alexander; Sarah Gustafson, Vienna, Va., a First Offender)


Charport: A house’s garage after its owner tries out that new turkey fryer on a cold Thanksgiving day (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)


Crockney: A comically bogus East London accent, like Dick Van Dyke’s in “Mary Poppins.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)


Poopier-mache: Really scratchy TP. (Chris Doyle)


Exwards: Where most celebrity marriages are heading. (Andy Bassett, New Plymouth, New Zealand)


Ousty: In the mood to remove someone from office. “Wisconsin voters weren’t as ousty as previously thought.” (Jeff Contompasis)


Ding-mon: Jamaican for “more cowbell.” (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)


Loincraft: The art of being a porn star. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)


Grampoo: Hair-care product that leaves your hair smelling like BenGay and boiled cabbage. (Larry Gray)


Poospaper: Excreta! Excreta! Read all about it! (Larry Gray)


Her-otica: “Ooh, baby, I wanna do your laundry.” (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)


Erot-ish: PG-13. (Elva Salcedo, Williamsburg, Va., a First Offender)


Memopause: When the ink in your pen dries out. (Mike Gips)


Gradualate: Take seven years to get a BA. (Chris Doyle)


Inkday: Every Sunday, of course. — C. Doyle (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)


Next week’s results: Lost in Translation 2.0, or Lingua Pranka