The Style Invitational Week 919 Good luck with 13

By Pat Myers, Friday, May 13, 10:17 AM


The Darting Game: The last stop at


Anti-baterial: What garlic soap is.


We won’t have another Friday the 13th for the rest of the year, so we’ll use this week for this contest suggested by 50-time Loser Mike Ostapiej: Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result. Note that it’s the original, not the result, that requires 13 letters.


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a large red mug emblazoned with a famous quote from the movie “Cars”: “I eat losers for breakfast.” So it’s kind of a Loser mug — a loser of a Loser mug. Donated by Kathy Hardis Fraeman.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their First Ink). E-mail entries to or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 23; results published June 12 (June 10 online). Include “Week 919” in your e-mail subject line, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See complete rules at

styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results was submitted separately by Kevin Dopart and Mae Scanlan this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle. Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, where the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community.


Report from Week 915, in which we asked for captions for the cartoons by Style Invitational pen-for-hire Bob Staake:


The winner of the Inker:


Cartoon A: Why you should never learn new tricks from an old dog.(Jack Hingel, Fairfax Station, Va., a First Offender)


2. Winner of the paper cups with pictures of noses on them: Cartoon D: “Hey, my Kindle stopped working!”) (Mark Asquino, Washington)


3. Cartoon A: The Viagra nasal spray still had a few kinks to be worked out. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)


4. Cartoon C: After being treated for jaundice and a visit to the orthodontist, Pac-Man decided a short vacation was in order. (Russell Beland, Fairfax, Va.)


Pity as a picture: Honorable mentions




Rover had the uncanny ability to look and even dress like a human. But in the end the worms gave him away. (Donald Carter, Wayne, N.J.)


It was just a small black hole, but it was more than a match for Jackson’s feeble efforts to resist it. (Steven Seymour, Clarksburg, Md., a First Offender)


The rules of the new scratch-off lottery game do seem a bit bizarre. (Jan Broulik, Chevy Chase, Md.)


“What do you mean? I AM getting a grip!” (Kevin Tansey, Washington, a First Offender)


Cameron tries out for Harvard’s air rowing team. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)


Hard of hearing after years of concert gigs, Ronnie Dunn misheard the request for “Boot Scootin’ Boogie.” (Steve Johnson, Alexandria, Va.)




As chief of the Morality Board, Mrs. Wigtree resolutely removed all the cathouses from our neighborhood. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)


Edna was disappointed to go home from the AARP Atomic Science Competition with only a B. (Don Kirkpatrick, Waynesboro, Pa.)


Every morning, Mrs. Ned Ludd would drag the appliances back into the house. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)


When push comes to stove. (Tom Witte)


Ms. Smith’s new WiFi Deprivation Chamber put some teeth back in kindergarten timeouts. (Russ Taylor, Vienna, Va.)


Tired of both George and his “hiding place,” Mary pushes them both to the curb. (Edward Gordon, Austin)


Impressive, but did she really need another automatic nose-sharpener? (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)


Enraged by the position of the toilet seat, Nancy destroyed the time machine before Ed could return from next Tuesday. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)


After it kept her up all night again, Marge decided her hamster-powered washing machine had to go. (Sharon Kaltwasser, Lusby, Md., a First Offender)




Jen ruefully understood that Frank needed his space. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)


Trudy asks the magic ball, “Will I ever grow feet?” (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)


“Your facial expression fails to conceal your disappointment that I lack an external mating apparatus.” (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, Va.)


The Smithsonian scientist began to conclude that the moon rocks were fake after she noticed the bar code. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)


Olga ended up voting for Pat Buchanan when the sensor in Florida’s new biometric polling device misread her eye twitches. (Michael Peck, Alexandria, Va.)


Little R2’s Halloween costume looked cute but did little to disguise his identity. (Roger Stone, Gaithersburg, Md.)


Cindy Cyclops couldn’t understand all the fuss about 3-D TV. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)




Having sex on the water slide turned out to be way more fun for Mortimer than it was for Lucinda. (Ken Schwartz, Burke, Va.)


Ed felt safer using the tethered fun noodle. (Arlee Green, Las Cruces, N.M.)


“Eureka! I’m fat!” (Judy Blanchard)


This is why they should never let contestants on “The Biggest Loser” use the diving board the first week of the show. (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.)


Next week: Bank shots, or Har-mangled banners