The Style Invitational Week 918 Grandfoals

By Pat Myers, Friday, May 6, 10:03 AM


And in the next leg of the Invitational’s Double Crown, it’s our eighth annual grandfoal contest: This week: “Breed” any two “foals” in today’s results, or one foal with one of the real horse names used in today’s entries and name the “grandfoal.” Again, the name may not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn’t remotely duplicate any of today’s results. And you’re again limited to 25 entries. Don’t single-space your list lest you incur The Wrath of the Empress; she’s just getting over her wrathiness from four weeks ago.

Today we also reveal one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets for honorable mentions, designed as usual by Invite Scribbler Bob Staake. The slogan, by Tom Witte, was an HM in the Week 905 Loser mug contest. We’ll show you the other new magnet soon.


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an actual working bullhorn, with “speak” and “alarm” settings, that has been sitting in the Invite Prize Closet for years. For some reason, it is labeled, in 1960s-style groovy lettering a la “The Dating Game,” “The Makeup Phone.”


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, maybe one of the new ones. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their First Ink). E-mail entries to or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 9; results published June 5 (June 3 online). Include “Week 918” in your e-mail subject line, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Complete rules at styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle and Andrew Hoenig. Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, where the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community.


Report from Week 914, our 17th annual contest in which we asked you to “breed” any two horses from a list of 100 Triple Crown-eligible mounts and name the foal: As usual, we received a ridiculous number of entries, more than 6,000. You might be pleased to know — the management surely is — that the zillions of fart jokes prompted by the horse Beyond the Wind canceled one another out. So many First Offenders this week, we’ll just use asterisks.


The winner of the Inker:


Cloud Man x Extra Fifty = Meatierologist (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)


2. Winner of the odd kitchen implement with the comically badly translated directions:

Old Guys Rule x Brilliant Speed = Balder Dash (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)


3. Archarcharch x Pants on Fire = Frying Buttresses (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)


4. Midnight Interlude x Litigate = Run Around, Sue (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)


Churchill downers: Honorable mentions


Litigate x Perfect Coconut = Subpoena Colada (Mike Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)


Casino Host x Old Guys Rule = Geezers Palace (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


Purely Awesome x Meistersinger = Bodacious Cantatas (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)


Coil x Hot Faucet = This Is Spiral Tap (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.; Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario)


Birdway + Prime Objective = Your Windshield (*Craig Schopmeyer, Kensington, Md.)


Moon on Fire x Pants on Fire = Clumsy Astronaut (*Rachel S. Depo, Middletown, Md.)


Red Maserati x Iscar = So Is Red Yugo (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)


Cat Sweep x Coil = Helix Himself (Dudley Thompson)


Sinai x Pants on Fire = The Burning Tush (Steve Price, New York; Susan Thompson, Cary, N.C.)


Astrology x Litigate = Seer-Sucker Suit (Michael Reinemer, Annandale, Va.)


Night Party x Crossed the Line = I’m So Soiree (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)


Cryin Out Loud x Major Art = Moaner Lisa (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)


Supreme Leader x Humble and Hungry = Czar Nickel-less (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)


Astrology x Kid You Not = Avoid Capricorn (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)


Old Guys Rule x Annual Update = Yep Same Old Guys (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.; Dan Kinney, Charlottesville, Va.)


Annual Update x Cryin Out Loud = State of the Onion (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)


Annual Update x Back Room Deal = My Colonoscopy (Tom Panther, Springfield, Va.; Larry Yungk, Arlington, Va.)


Coil x Break Up the Game = Curl, Interrupted (Chris Doyle)


Concealed Identity x Purely Awesome = IncogNeato (David Komornik, Danville, Va.; Dan Steinberg, Silver Spring, Md.)


Incredible Alex x Brethren = Ovech-Kin (Sam Laudenslager, Burke, Va.)


Turbulent Descent x Astrology = Fall to Pisces (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)


Concealed Identity x Awed = Alias in Wonderland (Steve Shapiro, Alexandria)


Balladry x Brethren = Poetry and Bros (*Jennifer Thornton, Washington)


Major Art x Humble and Hungry = Art Major (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.; Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)


Old Guys Rule x Sinai = See Nile (Susan Thompson)


Archarcharch x Pants on Fire: Ouchouchouch (*Ginny Cooper, Columbia, Md.)


. . . or: Charcharchar (Jeff Contompasis; *Nannette Lanham, Middleburg, Va.; Jonathan Hardis )


Pants on Fire x Moon on Fire = Third Degree Bum (Roger Hammons, North Potomac, Md.)


Purely Awesome  x  Dominus  =  I’m Like OMG (Jonathan Paul)


Burns x Humble and Hungry = Sears No Bucks (Malcolm Fleschner; Kevin Dopart, Washington)


And last in the print Post: Comma to the Top x Prime Objective = A Post Trophy (*Mark Glass, Frenchs Forest, Australia; Larry Yungk)


And running on the extra added extra bonus track, some more honorable mentions appearing only online (these may also be used for the Week 918 grandfoals contest):


Bomber Boy x Anthony’s Cross = Enola Goy (Steve Shapiro)


Supreme Ruler x Night Party = Alito Night Music (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


Dreamy Kid x Bomber Boy = When Will She B-17 (Dudley Thompson)


Coil x Leave of Absence = Spring Break (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)


Back Room Deal x Red Maserati = Bribe and Vroom (Jeff Contompasis)


Uncle Mo x Crossed the Line = Aunt Mo (Beverley Sharp)


Crushing x Sweet Ducky = QuackUnderPressure (Brendan Beary)


Anthony’s Cross x Manhattan Man = Testy ToNY (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)


Major Art x Become the Wind = DeGas (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)


Comma to the Top x Burns = Apostrophoenix (Brian Cohen, Potomac, Md.)


Archarcharch x Old Guys Rule = AARPAARPAARP (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)


Anthony’s Cross x French Fury = Antoine to You (*Carol Passar, Reston, Va.)


Fly on the Wall x Small Town Talk = Buzz (*Vinnie Perrone, Burtonsville, Md.)


Astrology x Smash = Taurus a New One (J.D. Berry, Springfield)


Old Hickory x Pants on Fire = Roasted Nuts (Mark Eckenwiler)


Brilliant Speed x Pants on Fire = Haulin’ Ash (*Angela Dale, Ellicott City, Md.)


Astrology x Guest Star = Ophiucus (*Melanie Carson, Rockville, Md.)


Anthony’s Cross x Mucho Macho Man = Mister T (Melanie Carson)


Cloud Man x Kid You Not = You Cant Be Cirrus (J.D. Berry; Brendan Beary; May Jampathom, Oakhurst, N.J.)


Red Maserati x Brilliant Speed = Now I Don’t Drive (*Johnny Lanham, Columbia, S.C.)


Concealed Identity x Positive Response = Private Aye (Kathy Hardis Fraeman)


Dreamy Kid x Back Room Deal = Justin Briber (Jonathan Hardis)


And Last: Back Room Deal x Extra Fifty = Finally, a Magnet (Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg)


Next week: Picture This, or What Lines Beneath