The Style Invitational Week 916 Mess with our heads



‘Pelt an Infielder Day’ expected to draw thousands


Misunderstanding The Post seems to be something that some of our readers are expert in — especially when they read no farther than the headline. So why not try to get a prize for it? In this perennial Invite contest, take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on from April 22 through May 2 and reinterpret it by adding a “bank head,” or subtitle (like the joke bank head offered under the actual Post headline above about an Easter egg hunt). For heads in the print paper, include the date and page number; for heads from the Web, give the date and copy a sentence or two of the story (even better, copy the URL from the address bar). You don’t have to use the entire headline, but don’t skip words or change the essential meaning by cutting off the end, as from “President kills bill” to “President kills.” Headlines in ads and subheads within an article (as well as actual bank heads) can be used, too, but not lines that are are only links or “keys” to a story on another page.


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a handy pocket-size bottle of Maybe You Touched Your Genitals hand sanitizer, donated by 22-time Loser David Garratt.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their First Ink). E-mail entries to or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 2; results to be published May 22 (May 20 online). Include “Week 916” in the subject line of your e-mail, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See more rules at The revised title for next week’s results is by Dave Prevar; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.


REPORT FROM WEEK 912, in which we asked you to find a word inside another word, pair it with the original word, and define the resulting phrase. There were far too many clever “pair-a-phrases” than we had room for in the print paper; the final 24 results on this page appear on the Web only.


The winner of the Inker:


“I’m miming!”: One of the least heard phrases in the English language. (Michael Reinemer, Annandale, Va.)


2. Winner of the “Gorila Snott” green hair gel from Guatemala: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Al: To describe himself properly, Gore invented this moniker. (Susan Geariety, Menifee, Calif.)


3. “Whatever, Eve”: The first-ever male response to nagging. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


4. Perv supervisor: A boss who . . . hey, my eyes are up here, pal! (Mike Turniansky, Pikes­ville, Md.)


OK jOKes: Honorable mentions


Pawlenty awl: A boring tool. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)


Massacre Acre: What the other teams call FedEx Field. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)


Superman perm: Mane of Steel. (Chris Rivera, Burke, Va., a First Offender)


Act I Attraction: Nude scene at the start of a play to assure that the audience arrives on time. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)


Eek peek: A compulsive look at something you know you don’t want to see. (Roger Hammons, North Potomac, Md.)




Peace Ace: A little-known nickname for Mahatma Gandhi. (Molly Kelley, Columbia, Md., a First Offender)


Emergency Merge: A shotgun wedding. (Roger Hammons)


Trappist rap: Silence, but with attitude. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)


Volcano can: What you get after bringing home a six-pack on your bicycle. (Jennifer Sklarew, Washington; Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)


Zirconia con: When you care enough to put your cheapo ring in a blue Tiffany box. (Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario, a First Offender)


Tarpon TARP: A way of protecting the really big fish. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington)


Trumpet rump: The person inevitably in front of you in the elevator. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)


Official CIA: The one in Langley , not the one that [redacted] (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)


Cement inducements: Mafia “offers.” (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)


Candid candidates: Also-rans. (Peter Siegwald, Arlington, Va.; Todd Carton, Wheaton, Md.)


Tabernacle NaCl: Morton for Mormons. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)


On occasionally: Pepco finally sets a customer service goal it can achieve. (S.P. Nudd, Brookeville, Md., a First Offender)


Urban turban: A do-rag. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)


Bella Rubella: The lesser-known cousin of Typhoid Mary. (Mark Sasseville, Burke, Va.)


Zucchini Chin: What the mean kids used to call Jay Leno. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.; S.P. Nudd)


Sesquipedalian quip: Yoknapatawphaesque cachinnation-inducing repartee. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)


Valentine Lent: Forty days of abstinence. (Nancy Schwalb)


Got bigotry? The slogan on the KKK recruiting poster. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)


Disputin’ Putin: The new Russian roulette. (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)


Insipid sip: Instant decaf. (Melissa Yorks, Gaithersburg, Md.)


Wind Dwindle: Rejected initial name for Beano. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)


Her Netherlands: His travel destination. (Chris Doyle)


Academy cad: An officer but not a gentleman. (Pam Sweeney)


A-Rod parody: A-Rod. (Craig Dykstra)


Omit vomit: Since 1992, the State Department’s Guideline No. 1 in its briefing for presidential visits to Japan. (Michael Reinemer)


Snooze ooze: Drool. (Roger Hammons)


Nihilist “hi”: “#$%#$ you!” (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)


Cholesterol holes: The means by which all flavor escapes from fat-free versions of popular foods. (Brendan Beary)


Pit spit: Economy alternative to Right Guard. (Jim Reagan)


“I Farmville”: “I am an AARP member.” (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)


Epitaph pit: The corner of the newsroom where the obit writers sit. (David Komornik, Danville, Va.)


Bangladesh Glades: An example of way too euphemistic real estate copy. (Brendan Beary)


Effin’ reffin’: Fans’ common explanation for their team’s loss. (Michael Reinemer)


Fort Comfortable: My man-cave. (Todd Carton)


Introvert Rover: A dog that prefers to sniff his own butt. (Ann Martin)


Britannia tan: A paler shade of white. (Christopher Lamora)


Porcupine Cup: Coveted trophy of the Yokelympic Games. (Jeff Contompasis)


Garbage garb: Anything worn by the ex’s new floozy. (Pam Sweeney)


Orchestra chest: A pair of big bassoons. (Nancy Schwalb)


Lace shoelace: Lady Gaga’s latest concert outfit. (M. Lilly Welsh, Oakton, Va.)


Cat delicatessen: The bird feeder. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)


Zimbabwe MBA: Offers concentrations in sadistics, inhuman resources and operations mismanagement. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)


Fantasy ant: A worker who daydreams of being a queen. (Lawrence McGuire)


Snopes nope: That latest amazing video on Facebook, refuted. (Dave Coutts, Severna Park, Md.)


Probably rob ably: Could be a Chicago politician. (Pam Sweeney)


Rogaine gain: Gone today, hair tomorrow. (Craig Dykstra)


Presto rest: 4.0 winks. (Kevin Dopart)


Camouflage flag: Battle banner of the Royal Dweebian Army. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)


Tangerine anger: Non-criminal form of OJ rage. (Kevin Dopart)


Concubine cub: Oops. (Tom Witte)


Equipment quip: What Richard Johnson hears all the time. (Pam Sweeney)


Next week: Bring up the rear, or Tail Spin