The Style Invitational Week 914 Foaling around

By Pat Myers, Friday, April , 12:59 PM


Mr Artistic MD x Burns = Sweet Ducky


Mac’s Surprise x Extra Fifty = Superduper Size Me


It’s four weeks from Kentucky Derby weekend, which means it’s time for one of our most heavily entered contests: At the bottom of this page is a list of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year’s Triple Crown races. “Breed” any two of them – even though almost all are male – and name the “foal,” as in the examples above. While the real Derby field is restricted to 20 horses, you lucky thing may enter as many as 25. As in real life, the names absolutely cannot be longer than 18 characters, including spaces and symbols.


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the Guaguo Pro, a scary-looking kitchen implement whose Chinese-translated packaging warns us, “Please dont toagh the sharp against injary when youare tearing off its pzztage.” Found in the dollar store by Bruce Alter.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions win a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to or fax, if you absolutely must, to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 18; results to be published May 8 (May 6 online). Include “Week 914” in the subject line of your e-mail, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See more rules at Follow the Empress on Twitter at patmyersTWP. The revised title for next week’s results was submitted separately by Russell Beland and John O’Bryne; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Contompasis.


Report from Week 910, in which we asked you to alter a well-known ad slogan slightly and assign it to someone else: Many suggested “You deserve a brake today” for Toyota, “We’ll leave the lights off for you” as perfect for Pepco, and, for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, “Look for the union libel.”


The winner of the Inker


TSA airport security: If we don’t pet it, you don’t jet it. (Rachel Braun, Silver Spring, a First Offender)


2. Winner of the pants-dropping car window toy: Bud Selig: The boor that made Milwaukee famous. (Roy Ashley, Washington)


3. Nordic Flex: Your weak end just got better. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)


4. U.S. Postal Service: “When it absolutely, positively has to be there eventually.” (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)


Always low prizes: Honorable mentions


P.T. Barnum: You deserve a freak today. (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)


Next Day Blinds: Because love is not a spectator sport. (Dave Coutts, Severna Park, a First Offender)


Amtrak: This is your train on drugs. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)


Honolulu Grill: How about a nice Hawaiian paunch? (Joe Godles, Bethesda; Pie Snelson, Silver Spring)


Rahm Emanuel: Let your finger do the talking. (Michael Greene, Alexandria)


Charlie Sheen: Sometimes you feel like a nut. Other times you may also. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


National Bar Association: Fee all that you can fee. (Dion Black, Washington; Paulette Rainie, McLean, a First Offender)


Propecia: Say no to rugs. (Seth Tucker, Washington)


Four Loko: The liquor picker-upper. (Mike Ostapiej, Mount Pleasant, S.C.)


The British monarchy: When it reigns, it bores. (Gary Crockett)


Al Gore: That frosty smug sensation. (Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring)


Agriculture lobby: Please don’t squeeze the farmin’. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)


Washington Fertility Center: When it absolutely, positively has to be their ova night. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)


TSA: Reach out and touch someone’s . . . (Seth Tucker)


Warren Jeffs: My wives. I think I’ll keep them. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)


Al’s shoeshine stand: Pardon me, do you have any stray poop on? (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)


Prince George’s County Police: To protect and serve . . . ourselves. (Mark Richardson, Washington)


Movie sound mixers’ guild: Oh, I wish I were an Oscar minor winner . . . (Mae Scanlan)


Boca veggie burgers: Tastes great, less killing. (Kris Kunert; Pete Morelewicz; Michael Duffy, all of Washington)


A karate studio: Break fist of champions. (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)


Ipecac: Heave it your way. (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge; Chris Doyle)


EPA: It’s not nice to fail Mother Nature. (Mike Ostapiej)


Genentech: We bring odd things to life. (Mike Ostapiej)


An organ-trafficking ring: We de-liver for you. (Trevor Kerr)


Diamond Toothpicks: The quicker uppers-picker. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)


For then-Rep. Christopher Lee: When you care enough to send the hairy chest. (Dorothy Rubin, Frederick, a First Offender)


American Idol: There’s always room for J-Lo. (Teri Chism, Winchester, Va.)


7-Eleven: The quicker sticker-upper. (Susan Geariety, Menifee, Calif.)


Bosmere compost bins: A rind is a terrible thing to waste. (David Komornik, Danville, Va.)


The Writer’s Center: We love to see you simile. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)


And last: The Style Invitational: The Ultimate Drivel Machine. (Seth Tucker; Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)


Next week: Help! or The Dial Invitational