The Style Invitational Week 910 Your ad there
Saturday, March 12, 2011; 7:21 PM
For a plastic surgeon: "Good to the last droop."
The Republican Party, wishfully thinking: "Nobody doesn't like Sarah P."
Newly Reenergized Loser Malcolm Fleschner suggests this week's contest: Slightly alter an advertising slogan so that someone else could use it, as in Malcolm's examples above. "Slightly alter" means that it should be very clear what the original is.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a Moonies, a fairly sizable doll that sticks to the inside of your car window. When you squeeze a little bulb on a tube, its pants go down so as to distract other drivers. Hardehar. This is the official Moonies doll used on the presidential limousine during the Clinton administration. Donated by Loser Rich Haynes.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions win a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their First Ink). E-mail entries to email@example.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 21; results to be published April 10 (April 8 online). Put “Week 910” in the subject line of your e-mail, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See more rules at washingtonpost.com/ styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results is by Mike Ostapiej; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Howard Walderman.
Report from Week 907, in which the Empress invited you to award "naming rights" for some institution or person to some public facility or part of one. For humor's sake - that tends to be the sake she favors - the E chose to be pretty inclusive about what counts as such a facility.
The winner of the Inker
The Washington Redskins Defensive Line Center for Nonviolence (Tom Panther, Springfield)
2 Winner of the can of Instant Underpants: The Pepco first, second, third and fourth down lines at FedEx Field (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
3 The Leslie Johnson Treasure Chest at the Maryland Lottery headquarters (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
4 The Jimmy Dean Breakfast Links Senate Visitors Gallery (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, a First Offender; Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)
Inane only: Honorable mentions
The Tiger Woods Strayer University (Joe Godles, Bethesda)
The Depends Skywalk over the Grand Canyon (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
The John Boehner Orange Bowl (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington; Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)
The Donald Rumsfeld Tomb of the Known Unknown and Unknown Unknown Soldiers (Gary Crockett; Phil Frankenfeld; Michael Reinemer, Annandale)
The Hu Jintao-Marion Barry-Gunga Din Grant's Tomb, or, for short, the Hu-Barry-Din Grant's Tomb (Gary Crockett)
The Werner Heisenberg Departure-Time Board at Dulles Airport (Gary Crockett)
The Clinton-Lewinsky Third-Base Box at Nationals Park (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)
The NRA Postal Museum (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
The Marian Anderson Side Entrance at DAR Constitution Hall (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va., a First Offender)
The Lehman Brothers Roof at the Metrodome. (Gary Crockett)
The American Psychiatric Association baggage carousel at Dulles (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
The Haley Barbour Front of the Bus (Matthew Hertz, Buffalo)
The Levitra and Valium up and down escalators in the Washington Metro. (Chris Doyle)
The Scooter Libby doormat at the Old Executive Office Building (Kevin Dopart)
Pepco Cinema & Drafthouse: Theater 1: "Heart of Darkness"; Theater 2: "Body Heat" (Michael Greene, Alexandria)
The La-Z-Boy Lincoln Memorial (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
The Goldman Sachs Revolving Door at the Treasury Department (Michael Reinemer; Kevin Dopart)
The Procol Harum Mormon Temple (Kevin Dopart)
The Art Linkletter Spelling Bee Auditorium (Steve Shapiro, Alexandria)
The Stanley McChrystal Emergency Exit at the White House (Mike Ostapiej, Mount Pleasant, S.C.)
The Listerine Gargoyle at Washington National Cathedral (Kevin Dopart)
The John Edwards, Hosni Mubarak and Eliot Spitzer Career Paths at Great Falls (G.T. Bowman, Falls Church)
The AARP Old Executive Office Building (Bird Waring)
The FBI's Palin Department of Hand-Writing Analysis (Joe Godles)
The Viagra Elevator in the Washington Monument (Arlee Green, Las Cruces, N.M.)
The Glenn Beck Chair of Gestapolemics at the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs (Gary Crockett)
The Pee-wee Herman Southern Exposure at the Johnson Library (Mike Ostapiej)
The Spiro Agnew Donation Box at the Maryland State House (Kevin Dopart)
The Timothy Geithner Tarp at Citigroup Stadium (Gary Crockett)
And Last: The Slim-Fast Washington Post (Beverley Sharp)
And Really Last: The Style Invitational Scoreboard at Nationals Park (Gary Crockett)
Next week: Move on back, Part 2, or Return to enders