The Style Invitational Week 899 Clue us in
Saturday, December 18, 2010;
It's another backward crossword, this one constructed especially for the Style Invitational by Bob Klahn, who's become a Loser in his own right. The words are already in the grid; send us funny, clever clues for any of them. The clues don't have to be as brief as real clues, but they can't be really long. Please say which word the clue is for; don't just write "36 Down." See the results of our last crossword contest by clicking here.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives two rolls of ornately monogrammed toilet paper - one with a fancy S and one with a fancy I that looks more like a J - ordered specially for the Style Invitational by Loser Edward Gordon.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser magnets. First offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to email@example.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 27. Put "Week 899" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Jan. 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results was submitted by John O'Byrne. The honorable-mentions subhead is by Kevin Dopart.
Report from week 895, in which we asked you to write captions for any of these Bob Staake cartoons (click on the slideshow above to see them). We could sometimes tell which Losers saw the contest online rather than in the print Post; in the paper, the flag in Cartoon D had been accidentally cut off. Too many people suggested that for the dog in Cartoon B, his barf was worse than his bite.
The winner of the Inker: Cartoon A: One of the famed Yellow Rhos of Texas. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
2) Winner of the spray can of Prof. Putznik's World-Famous [Word Beginning With B and Meaning Nonsense] Repellent: Cartoon D: "Hey, Sarah," Lisa Murkowski taunts, "I can see Washington from the Potomac!" (Howard Walderman, Columbia)
3) Cartoon A: President Obama's attempted compromise between the D's and the R's was completely symbolic. (Danny Bravman, Chicago)
4) Cartoon B: Though it's a loving and loyal pet, adoption rates for the Pit Bulimic remain low. (Dion Black, Washington; Larry Yungk, Arlington; Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
A toon for the worse: Honorable mentions
Arthur Dimmesdale's proctologist was actually rather proud. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Joe decides to keep the "p" he received even though he specifically ordered a "d." (Dave Prevar, or pave drevar, Annapolis)
This picture is clearly fictitious: No man looks directly at you while taking a P. (John Kupiec, Fairfax)
Seeking to draw tourists from Stockholm, the Orno, Sweden, Chamber of Commerce hit upon a novel solution. (Russell Taylor, Vienna)
Jon Stewart hires a man to sabotage the marquee sign for Rick Sanchez's appearance. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
Harold, ever the romantic, continues to search for a gal with a "V." (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Nancy ensured there'd be no secret balloting for House minority leader. (Kevin Dopart)
It's nice that the Postal Service still is hiring letter carriers. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Even though the G and the O never made it to the rally, Fred bravely stood by his commitment to hold his letter and lean to the right. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)
Pat Sajak is caught stealing from work. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
Nick Park thought he'd never make it as an animator after the failure of his first effort, "Wallace and Vomit." (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
And on the third day, Dog created earth. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
DNA analysis showed Loogie to be a bluetick-spitz mix. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
Even when you only have a decade to live, a pack a day is a bad idea. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
Chauncey attempts to break the world record for largest document ever erased with a nose. (Craig Dykstra)
Cosmo was not impressed by the portability of the first-generation iPad. (Arlee Green, Las Cruces, N.M.)
Father was not pleased to find out that Aladdin had borrowed the family carpet without refilling the magic. (Barry Koch)
Mr. Whipple wasn't as successful in selling the new Unspeakably Stiff Charmin. (Chris Doyle)
The Giant Wiggly Cucumber proves the most popular ride at the Camp Fire Girls' Fourth of July Fair. (Bird Waring)
The U.S. entry in the green-vehicle competition proved to have some design flaws. (Anne Morgan, Fairfax)
Lois found that the needleless cacti gave a much smoother ride. (Roy Ashley, Washington; Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Next week: Other people's business, or Mixed company