The Style Invitational Week 895 Picture this
By The Empress
Saturday, November 20, 2010; 12:00 AM
We knew that the word-palindrome contest of Week 891 would be one of our most challenging ever, and so the Empress figured (correctly, as usual) that she'd finally have space in the paper to run these Bob Staake masterpieces at a somewhat legible size four weeks later. This week: Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. Please designate them by the given letter, since we may well have no idea what you're getting at, the weird way you think.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an aerosol can of Prof. Putznik's World-Famous [Word Beginning With B and Meaning Nonsense] Repellent, discourtesy of Genuine Washington Post Editor Lynn Medford, a straight-talking (though comically Southern-talking) journalist who will never nonsense you.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their first ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 29. Put "Week 895" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Dec. 18. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Beverley Sharp.
Report from Week 891, In which we asked you to create word-palindrome sentences -- that is, sentences in which the first and last word were the same, the second and next-to-last, etc. To make things a weensy bit easier, and to allow for more humor, we allowed the mirroring words to be homophones of each other, as in "way" and "weigh," or even more creative sound-alikes, such as the one for "Miss Tennessee" below. We also decided that "a sentence" could be as many sentences as we liked.
We knew this would be a killer contest. On the other hand, we also knew that we had had many killer contests in the past -- and we're not dead yet. Once again, the Losers get it done, backward and forward. Also not surprisingly, they showed great interest in the texting adventures of quarterback Brett Favre.
The winner of the inker
Quoth Raven: "Nevermore!" . . . BLAM! . . . Nevermore Raven quoth. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda)
2: "You have two mothers. The telling test: telling the mothers to halve you. -- Solomon (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)
3: Burning with desire ended badly: ended desire, with burning. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
4: "Ew, junk mail. Of male junk??! Ewwwww." -- Brett Favre's text-receiver Jenn Sterger (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Either way, they lose: Honorable mentions
Miss Tennessee? I see a 10, miss! (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Boy drops by, says: "Girl, size matters." Sighs girl. Says "Bye!" Drops boy. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
"Americans' all-out war wore out all Americans." - 22nd-century Afghan historian (Gary Crockett)
Sign you're asking her pointlessly: her asking your sign. (Elwood Fitzner)
Home, childhood of comfort and security . . . then, confident and successful, not frustrated and scared . . . then (mom and dad proud!) graduation . . . then college . . . then graduation (proud dad and mom!) . . . then, scared and frustrated, not successful and confident . . . then, security and comfort of childhood home. (Lennie Magida, Potomac)
"Hello, please apologize. You can, no? Say, 'No can.' You apologize, please? Hello?? - Ginni Thomas (Kevin Dopart)
"Can a lone, kindly Marine kindly loan a can?" - Jon Stewart rally participant in a long potty line. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria)
I waives the rules and rules the waves, aye! - Capt. Jack Sparrow (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
A man, a fridge: Amana. (Chris Doyle)
Is stuff you're texting as effective as texting your stuff is? - B. Favre (Elwood Fitzner)
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I . . . Can I think? Aiiiii . . . - The Little Engine Who Got Distracted by a Moment of Existential Awareness and Plummeted Down a Mountain (Mike Connaghan, Alexandria)
Tie a knot, not a tie. - Naval Recruitment Command (Kevin Dopart)
Often as not, making love well means, well, "love-making" not as often. (Chris Doyle)
Circularly logical was I because I was logical circularly. (Craig Dykstra)
"Diner," "Psycho," "Jaws," "Duck Soup," "Grease," "Meatballs," "Shampoo," "Big": great movies. Great big shampoo meatballs, grease soup, duck jaws: psycho diner. (Kevin Dopart)
Why am I celebrating? I am why!" - D. Trump (Beverley Sharp)
Gaga, meet my meat. Gaga? - Brett Favre, sent from my iPhone (Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)
Next week: Get a move on, or Giggle Maps