The Style Invitational Week 894 Look back in Inker

By The Empress

Saturday, November 13, 2010; C02


It's coulda-shoulda time again, when the Empress deigns to receive entries a week late -- or 49 weeks late.


This week: Enter any Style Invitational from Week 841 through Week 890 (except for Week 844, which was the same contest for the previous year). The only restriction? You can't send more than 25 entries total. Yes, normal people, we realize that's not much of a restriction for you. Inveterate Losers, just live with it. You may refer to events that have occurred since the contest was published; for contests that ask you to use The Post from a certain day or week, use today's or this week's. For Week 850, don't write poems about people who died in 2010, since we'll be asking you for those soon. You can find all the contests at


Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a bottle of "Valerie Flame Hot Sauce," given to us long ago by Reliable Source gossip columnist Amy Argetsinger. And we'll throw in some genuine Splat brand toothpaste from Russia ("Dream" flavor) courtesy of Loser Dean Meservy.


Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their first ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 22. Put "Week 894" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Dec. 11. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Peter Jenkins. the honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle.


Report from Week 890, in which we asked you to combine the names of two professional sports teams (of whatever sports) and describe the result: Many of you combined the Green Bay Packers with the Miami Heat to produce Packing Heat, a new name for the Wizards.


The winner of the Inker


Montreal Canadiens + Oakland Raiders = The Cander, a team that rarely plays in Washington -- especially in even-numbered years. (Keith Maynard, Annapolis, a First Offender)


2. the winner of the knickknack of a cow standing on a gondola and wearing a gondolier costume:


New York Yankees + Vancouver Canucks = The NYucks, featuring the great double-play trio of Larry to Curly to Moe. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria)


3. Chicago Bears + Washington Redskins = The Bearskins: Every week, they lie there and let another team walk all over them. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)


4. Atlanta Falcons + Boston Celtics = The Falics, the team with the most embarrassing costumed mascot. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)


More sportmanteaux: Honorable mentions


San Jose Earthquakes + Chicago Fire = Earth Fire, a soccer team that plays well only when the wind is with them. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)


Montreal Expos + Oakland Athletics = The Expos-A's: The steroids, the point shaving, the arrests -- now it can all be told! (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)


St. Louis Blues + Los Angeles Clippers = The Bluepers, a team that never wins but whose game films are a riot. (Jeff Seigle, Vienna)


Charlotte Bobcats + Florida Marlins = The Boblins, an ill-fated baseball team managed by Bill Buckner. (George Vary, Bethesda)


Chicago Fire Soccer Club + Pittsburgh Pirates = Socrates, a team whose "Gatorade" is best avoided. (Gary Crockett)


Chicago Blackhawks + Washington Redskins = The Blackskins -- what, NOW you're offended? (Jeff Seigle; Ward Kay, Vienna; Phil Wilbur, Arlington, a First Offender)


Phoenix Mercury + Tulsa Drillers = The Hg Wells: Their defense is so bad that they call them the Invisible Men. (Brendan Beary)


Los Angeles Clippers + Houston Rockets = The Mohels, who always get the tip-off. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)


Philadelphia 76ers + Utah Jazz = 76 Trombones: Oh, they got Trouble, with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for performance-enhancing drugs! (Brendan Beary)


Carolina Panthers + New York Yankees = The Pant Yanks: Its players have an embarrassing habit of adjusting themselves on TV. (George Vary)


Dallas Cowboys + Nashville Predators = The Boy-Predators, a team whose games are shown on "Dateline NBC." (Ira Allen)


Indianapolis Colts + Buffalo Bills = Indi-Buff: No helmets, no pads, no uniforms. (Howard Mantle, Lafayette, Calif.)


Minnesota Twins + Colorado Rockies = The Twinkies: Their defense is rarely successful (probably because they're soft in the middle). (John Winant, Bellevue, Neb.)


Detroit Pistons + San Francisco Giants = The PisAnts, a team of fired lawyers who stop every play to challenge the decisions. (Maggie Lawrence, Culpeper, Va.)


Los Angeles Rams + New York Yankees = The Los Kees: Locked out of the playoffs again this year. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring)


Chicago White Sox + Boston Red Sox = The Pink Sox: Just agitate them and they'll run like mad. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)


Pittsburgh Penguins + Phoenix Coyotes = The Peyotes, who give new meaning to the term "road trip." (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)


Los Angeles Lakers + New York Islanders = The Los Angeles Islanders: They changed their name in anticipation of the Big One. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)


New York Mets + Toronto Maple Leafs: The New Leafs, a team that commits far too many turnovers. (Jim Lubell, Mechanicsville, Md.)


Baltimore Orioles + Philadelphia Phillies: The MoreLies, a team that's guaranteed to be much, much better next year. (Jim Lubell)


Chicago White Sox + Albuquerque Isotopes = The Nerds, whose quarterback always has pocket protection. (Kevin Dopart)


El Centro Imperials + Washington Freedom = Impeedom: Top defense in the league. (Kevin Dopart)


Detroit Pistons + New York Knickerbockers = The Pistonknickers, a Little Little League team. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)


Brewers + Patriots: Brewiots, a bunch of drunken losers. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y)


Kansas City Chiefs + Cleveland Indians = The Mismanagers: They'd have a better record, but there are too many Kansas City players. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington)


Phoenix Mercury + Minnesota Twins = The Phoe-Mer Twins: Best legs in the league. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)


Next week: Mirror, mirror, and vice versa